Invoke Your Agency – Why Are We Still Doing That?
No Vacation Required
Updated 08/2026
In this debut episode of the No Vacation Required podcast, we dive into the high cost of "keeping the peace" and how it almost never leads to actual peace. We get into the concept of agency — the power to speak your truth and take ownership of your decisions — even when it feels difficult (but never when it feels dangerous).
From navigating toxic silence in the workplace to handling uncomfortable family dynamics during the holidays, we hope this episode serves as a guide for anyone feeling paralyzed by the fear of speaking up and being their authentic self.
Inward and Onward,
COMMON QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE
❓Why do so many people struggle to communicate their needs at work? Many people remain silent in the workplace out of fear—fear of taking on unwanted tasks, fear of retaliation, or simply the fear of rocking the boat. This "toxic silence" often leads to paralysis, where individuals choose to fake harmony rather than boldly stating what they need to be successful.
❓Why is "keeping the peace" bad for your mental health? "Keeping the peace" often requires silencing your authentic self to avoid conflict, which leads to resentment, stress, and a loss of identity. True peace comes from speaking your truth and aligning your external life with your internal values.
❓What does it mean to "invoke your agency"? Invoking your agency means taking ownership of your decisions and speaking up for your needs. It involves making small, intentional shifts toward authenticity rather than remaining paralyzed by the fear of what others might think.
❓How does positive psychology differ from toxic positivity? Positive psychology is not about ignoring life's difficulties; rather, it involves honestly acknowledging hard truths while choosing to focus on expansive, positive outcomes. It encourages you to align with your values to foster genuine happiness.
❓How does being an ally to others help you become an ally to yourself? Practicing allyship by speaking up for underserved communities helps you build the courage and skills needed to advocate for your own needs. Giving love and support externally naturally fosters internal self-allyship, helping you live more authentically.
CHAPTERS
(00:00) Introducing the No Vacation Required
(02:14) Why are we still doing that?
(04:40) Invoking your agency
(06:08) The high cost of "what’s not being said"
(12:38) Keeping the peace vs. finding peace
(15:18) Positive Psychology
(18:09) The Upward Spiral
(23:41) The NVR LIFE / CHANGE Philosophy
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TRANSCRIPT
Kent (00:00)
Welcome to the No Vacation Required Podcast, where each episode we ask, why are we still doing that? Building a life you don't need a break from starts by letting go of templated ideas of success. And letting go of templated ideas of success requires each of us to ask, why are we still doing that? Why are we still doing that? To the actions we've put on autopilot in the interest of pleasing family, fitting in with friends, and aligning with the dream of the plan.
Kent (00:28)
Welcome to this episode of the No Vacation Required Podcast.
Caanan (00:32)
Welcome.
Kent (00:34)
Actually, I should say the first episode of the No Vacation Required podcast. And before we get into what we're doing here, Caanan and do just wanna wanna share what No Vacation Required is?
Caanan (00:49)
So yeah, no vacation required is many things. Mostly it's the idea that you can build a life you don't need a break from. That's kind of our tagline. It's also where we give advice and tips both from our professional experience and our lived experience, building a no vacation required life so that you can also create a life you don't need a break from.
Caanan (01:19)
And it's essentially the life we lead and it was the impetus for building the business we have, which is called the change laboratory. It's not something we talk a lot about historically, but we're going to be doing that more. And one more thing, it's also kind of hyperbolic because of course, if you know us, you know that even though we have a
Caanan (01:45)
No vacation required life, we still travel a lot. Yes. So you may still take vacations, but you you are leading a life where those vacations are not a break from your life. They're gravy.
Kent (02:01)
Yeah. You're famous for saying even fulfilled people appreciate vacations.
Caanan (02:07)
I am famous for that. You are. I'm well known
Kent (02:09)
For that. Okay, so what are we doing here? Each week we're talking about a why are we still doing that topic and a little background on that. This isn't our first time to the podcast rodeo. As Caanan said, we have a business focused on helping organizations and individuals change. And for about 15 years, that business was focused on one life role, career, thus working with people
Kent (02:38)
In their professional development and working with companies to help them create stronger, more effective work groups. But what we learned very early on is that rarely do these development things, either at the individual or the team level, involve just the one career role. There's always something going on in the background because we are all many roles. We always say,
Kent (03:07)
You have many roles, but there's only one you. During the latter part of those fifteen years, we were, you know, very eager to shift to be able to help the holistic you and to be able to help companies understand that the more they care for the holistic individuals who make up their teams, the better those teams are going to perform. So the pandemic was a great time for us to switch things up.
Kent (03:35)
We had the time to kind of lean into making these changes over the past couple of years. And now we're doing just that. So we've taken what used to be our Stop Hating Mondays podcast, which was mostly career oriented. And we've stopped that and we've replaced it now with this focus on the bigger, more holistic you that is the you comprised of all the roles you play. And also again back to
Kent (04:04)
back to that work world, but helping employers understand that focusing on the entirety of your team members is a a big positive move because we talk a lot about having Sunday scaries free teams. Yes. We want organizations to have Sunday scaries free teams. And that involves considering more than just the career role.
Caanan (04:29)
Here's how things are working on this No Vacation Required podcast and bigger picture, No Vacation Required as a whole. Every month we're tackling a specific topic related to No Vacation Required, all to help you build again a life you don't need a break from. This month, our topic is.
Caanan (04:57)
Invoke your agency. And so we're writing about this on our Substack. Yes. And that is that's the focus of this podcast today. I'll let you, Kent, take it from there. Invoke your agency is the topic for the month.
Kent (05:11)
Yeah. So back to how this all started, realizing in our corporate consulting and our working with individuals that communication is just lacking. And by communication, I mean people not expressing what they're thinking, what they need, what they're feeling. And we realized again early on that we're not taught to know ourselves. We're always shocked at the number of people who actually
Kent (05:40)
don't even really have a clear idea of what they need, what they're thinking, what they're feeling. We realize that we're not taught this, we're not encouraged to examine this. We're we're taught a bunch of other stuff, but we're not taught to know ourselves.
Caanan (05:57)
Yeah, in fact, a lot of times you actually put this you you or I put this on social that so many of the problems we see with our individual and corporate clients are not related to what's happening in the workplace, but what's not happening. In other words, what's not being said, what's not being asked for, people not speaking up, people not asking for what they need.
Kent (06:26)
Exactly. So I just I was sitting here looking at the Substack post you just referenced, and I just saw that we wrote, you know, things that are "out" or cheugy for 2025, not being your authentic self, faking harmony to keep the peace, things that are "in" in 2025, knowing and boldly accepting yourself, redefining family again, invoking your agency. And as it relates to work –
Kent (06:52)
Thinking of a client, a work group that we're currently working with, one of the team members is completely paralyzed in terms of speaking their truth. They have so much fear about, for instance, a new team member coming on. And this person has a lot to say about a new team member coming on.
Caanan (07:15)
Yeah, this person is brilliant in their role. Brilliant.
Kent (07:20)
Yeah, you should see their their LinkedIn is like a a gold standard of excellence, yet they live with this fear that if they speak up and speak their truth, they're gonna get more work that they don't want, they're gonna be low-key harassed for invoking their agency, so they choose to remain quiet to keep the peace rather than
Kent (07:49)
Finding peace. So so much of the work we do is around everybody getting honest about what they need, what they want to be successful. And something that always comes up in any environment we work in. Yeah, but I can't do that because I'll legit get fired. Or no, I can't do that because you know somebody has a financial stake –
Kent (08:18)
An employer, a family member – in my life. And it would be reckless for me to invoke my agency in the way you're saying. And what we say to that, and this holds true for any kind of change, is there is always small steps you can be taking. And agency, we always say, begins on the inside. So even if it's internal shifts in how you think.
Kent (08:47)
How you build your viewpoint, how you determine what you're thinking, if you're one of those people who can't even figure out what you think or what you feel, it can all be internal work, which leads then to small steps that are externally facing. So we have no patience for complete I can't do that paralyzation.
Caanan (09:10)
I'm glad you're saying that too, because so often we get self-help advice, and let's be honest, that's what this is. Self help advice that is it doesn't take into account people's reality. So I'm glad, Kent, you're speaking to some of the constraints people face. I mean we want people to know that invoke your agency speaking up is never meant
Caanan (09:37)
To push you to do something that is unsafe. We don't want you to do this and lose your job. We don't want you to do this and lose your community. Yeah. What we do want is for you to take ownership of the decisions you're making and then put this to work in your work or put this to work with your family or friends and start making those tiny shifts so that you can build the skill
Caanan (10:04)
to speak and make the kind of changes you need to make.
Kent (10:08)
So as it relates to the work we do with work groups and what we want to impart on you if you're, you know, in a in a rough situation at work or in your career, toxic silence kills over time. And there's a cost to that. Toxic over
Caanan (10:24)
Silence kills over.
Kent (10:26)
time. Yeah. There's a cost to that and we want you to examine that cost.
Kent (10:39)
So this first episode of the podcast was really motivated by something we see every year around the holidays and it drives us crazy. And I referenced this in the Substack post where people will say, Well, I'll just read this to you right from our Substack post, you don't owe anyone anything. if being yourself around family is too much, just do what you need to do. And you know, as Caanan pointed out
Kent (11:05)
In the last segment, and I'm gonna say again here, in some cases, yeah, you've got to protect yourself at all costs. This isn't about recklessly bringing your entire self to everything. No. But this idea, and it's getting increasingly dangerous, take it from us who have lived experience in our own lives, and equally as importantly, in the lives of the what, thousands of people now over fifteen years that we've helped, this
Kent (11:34)
paralyzed version of keeping the peace where nothing is happening, where in these personal situations, attending that uncomfortable holiday dinner, you don't say a thing.
Kent (11:48)
Yep.
Kent (11:49)
Your neighbor, who you never talk to, knows you more than these family members who you feel you can't be yourself around. So we want to talk about the cost of this, the cost of
Kent (12:04)
keeping the peace and how the upside is so important for you, for those you love, even if there is a cost for your community, however you define community. Cainen speak to that. I love the way you talk about keeping the peace versus finding peace.
Caanan (12:23)
Well, let's just cut to the chase. There's nothing peaceful about keeping the peace. It may feel like that's going to be the easiest way to get through dinner or a day at work or any sort of event where you have to be around other people. Yeah. But in fact it's not peaceful. It it makes you feel resentful. It makes you feel silenced.
Kent (12:50)
Let me show these things that I jotted down. Delays growth, increases stress, creates resentment, as you said. You miss those opportunities for deeper connection. And this is one that really gets me it perpetuates inauthenticity.
Caanan (13:03)
I don't even know why why the term keeping the peace even exists, because it's so unpeaceful, it's so hurtful internally and to your relationships. But imagine how well you probably don't have to imagine because so many of us are doing this, and trust us, we know, we know how hard it is to speak up, how hard it is to be your authentic self around especially loved ones.
Caanan (13:31)
but at work as well. You can go your entire day greywalling or graystoning or yellowstoning or whatever the term du jour is for just numbing yourself out and not being your authentic self to the point where you can lose sight of who you even are. You're so busy tampering down your authentic self that you don't even know who that person is anymore. Again.
Caanan (14:01)
We're practical guys, no vacation required is all about practical advice. we know it's hard, we know it's scary, but it's essential to your mental health and it's essential to your well being to start to find ways to be your authentic self as much as you possibly can and connect with that person because as Kent already said
Caanan (14:32)
You need it, the world needs it.
Kent (14:35)
Let me just say the most enduring change occurs when we're all more ourselves and we communicate more of our needs. So many problems, as we said in the workplace and with people, stem from what's not said, what's not expressed, and we're huge advocates for positive psychology. There's a way that you can increase your personal agency, live authentically, check
Kent (15:04)
all the boxes around positive wellness, positive well-being, positive change by taking a positive psychology approach. And that is giving yourself grace, looking at the upside, having a bright-sided take on these things, rather than letting those voices, external and especially internal, that say, don't do that, this won't work.
Kent (15:33)
Constricting messages.
Kent (15:35)
expansive messages are key here, and this isn't toxic positivity.
Caanan (15:42)
yeah, this is what I wanted to jump in and say because it's so easy to mistake positive psychology for toxic positivity. Kent, this is your area of expertise, but I think I can say comfortably that positive psychology is about looking at things honestly, saying this is going to be hard, this is going to be difficult, this is scary, but there is a positive side to this. And instead of
Caanan (16:10)
Letting the fear and the scary narrative dominate. You're going to just be honest about the situation, but have that expansive view and focus on the positive outcome.
Kent (16:21)
Yes. So here's what positive psychology does. Some of the things it does. Again, taking these steps forward that enhance your agency and kind of bright, taking a bright sided attitude. Aligning with your values fosters genuine happiness. Taking ownership of your decisions boosts confidence. Speaking your truth strengthens relationships because you're building trust.
Kent (16:49)
Living authentically enhances motivation by aligning your actions with your intrinsic goals. And so much of the work we do with people and work groups is you want to match what's inside you with what's outside you, what you think and feel with how you act. And then you're able to go to the next level where how you're acting is aligned with other people's perception of you. All this is to say that
Kent (17:17)
The courage you're exhibiting by acting in a way that aligns with who you authentically are is also motivating to other people and helps create not only this sort of sense of agency within you, but among your community, a feeling of, we can all move forward in this way together.
Caanan (17:47)
so Kent, you were saying that the world needs to hear your voice. Say more about that because I think that's so important.
Kent (17:56)
Well, okay, so first of all, a lot of positive psychology is just about there's something called the upward spiral. So when you take more of these bright sided, positive oriented steps, courage, compassion, commitment, etc., it has an upward spiraling effect in you and an upward spiraling effect on those around you. And back to the whole reason
Kent (18:25)
That everybody on social media at the end of the year is saying, protect yourself right now. If you know you don't need to do anything if you don't want to, is because these are very divisive times. So we need everybody invoking their agency. We need everybody aligning authentically with who they are so they can put that light out into the world. We always say,
Kent (18:53)
Especially these last few years, your voice is more important than ever. Sharing your truth not only nurtures your well being, but contributes to a ripple effect of change. History shows that progress requires visibility.
Caanan (19:07)
Yes. This is so important because in these in these trying times we do need to be trying. Yes. That is a Taylor Swift reference.
Kent (19:16)
Yeah, I like that.
Kent (19:20)
In these trying times we're not trying.
Caanan (19:22)
give
Caanan (19:22)
that to her. Yeah. You need to be using your voice in a positive way to speak your truth. So not not this negative, dark energy that a lot of people put out because they believe that's them speaking their truth. It's speaking your truth with this positive psychology mindset in order to create, as you said, Kent, this upward spiral. I mean this is fundamentally allyship
Caanan (19:51)
Yes. As well. what I wanted to say here about allyship is that you can do this not just for yourself, but for other people. Use your voice in a positive way to speak up for other people. Yeah. and that helps you build the skill within yourself to speak up for yourself. Because it's a lot easier to speak up for other people when you don't especially when you don't have a horse in the race. Yes.
Kent (20:16)
And
Caanan (20:17)
Go ahead. No go
Kent (20:18)
Yeah, when we we've had this interesting thing happen because the last several years people have been very understanding of allyship and very interested in learning ways that they can get on board and be better allies. But Caanan and I talk to people a lot about what about self-allyship? So by doing this thing that might be more comfortable in a way, this external thing – being an ally to a underserved community, for example.
Kent (20:47)
You're also then being an ally to yourself, whether you're aligned with that group or not. Giving that love externally is also giving you love internally. You need a self-allly. And back to where we started about invoking your agency as an individual with a career or as an individual with loved ones, you need to be your own ally, which is going to make you a better ally in the broader world.
Caanan (21:15)
Yeah, and before we just close this out, I want to say on this topic there's a flip side to this. It's important for all the employers out there who are listening to this. You need to allow your people to speak up. You need to request that people be their authentic selves. You need to create, boy, the space for people to show up as their authentic selves. Because if you don't
Caanan (21:43)
You're missing out on so much brilliance, so much innovation. And I just want to wrap it right back to the person that Kent referenced early on in the podcast, who is so brilliant in their job and is afraid to speak up, and how sad that is that that person's not being able to be their authentic selves and make the kind of impact that we know that that person can make.
Kent (22:12)
giving you snaps.
Kent (22:24)
So here's the plan. We're gonna vow to be more of who we authentically are. We're gonna align our words and our actions with that honesty. How does that sound?
Caanan (22:34)
I'm all in.
Kent (22:36)
so let's spend the most and the best time among those with whom we can be ourselves. More time with people who appreciate us, more time with people who fill our tanks, and that's such a such a big thing. I guess that's another episode, isn't it? Like the
Kent (22:51)
The way we all torture ourselves spending time with people who deplete us, send us an email and remind us to get back to this topic alone. Make this the year where we invoke our agency, where we're finding peace instead of keeping the peace. And to keep this momentum up, these are the kinds of things we're going to be talking about this year. Again, tackling a why are we still doing that topic.
Kent (23:18)
each month and they're gonna center around what we call our life change philosophy. So life, let go of traditional ideas of success, invoke your agency, which of course we hit on today, figure out you and embrace your new measures of success.
Caanan (23:39)
I'll take the change part of that. Change is broken down into catalyst. It starts with knowing yourself, figure out you. Holistic, you have many roles, but there is only one you. abundance. There's enough to go around, dream big and share widely. Now, life is finite. Don't wait. Welcome uncertainty. Growth operate with a growth mindset. Stay
Caanan (24:09)
Curious.
Caanan (24:10)
and egoless. Fulfillment is an inside job. Don't rely on external fixes or others' approval.
Kent (24:18)
Doing this we're gonna be making ourselves better and making the world better along the way.
Kent (24:25)
Thanks for joining us for this episode of the No Vacation Required Podcast. If you want a life you don't need a break from, a life where you live from a place of commitment and not comfort, join us for regular new episodes where you can always count on us to find a tired tradition and to ask, why are we still doing that?