Invoke Your Agency – Why Are We Still Doing That?
No Vacation Required
Invoke Your Agency: Finding Peace Over Keeping the Peace
Why do we trade our internal well-being for a superficial, quiet dinner or a friction-free workday? In the debut episode of the No Vacation Required podcast, we dive into the high cost of "keeping the peace" and why this common habit often leads to resentment rather than actual tranquility. We explore the vital concept of agency — the power to speak your truth and take ownership of your decisions — even when it feels safer to remain on autopilot.
From navigating toxic silence in the workplace to handling uncomfortable family dynamics during the holidays, this episode serves as a guide for anyone feeling paralyzed by the fear of speaking up. Learn how to apply positive psychology to build your "self-allyship" and start making the tiny, internal shifts necessary to create a life you don't need a break from.
Inward and Onward,
SUPPORT NO VACATION REQUIRED:
If this episode helped you rethink a tough decision, please leave a review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube! It is the best way to help our message reach more people.
Subscribe: Never miss an episode by hitting the follow button on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts
Follow us on Instagram
CHAPTERS:
(00:00) Introducing No Vacation Required: A life that is more than a break
(02:14) Why are we still doing that? From Stop Hating Mondays to holistic change
(04:40) Monthly Focus: Invoking your agency
(06:08) The high cost of "what’s not being said" at work
(09:22) Small steps: Dealing with the constraints of reality and safety
(12:38) Keeping the peace vs. Finding peace
(15:18) Positive Psychology: Expansive vs. Constricting messages
(18:09) The Upward Spiral: Why your voice matters for the world
(21:45) A call to employers: Creating space for authenticity
(23:41) The NVR Life Change Philosophy
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Agency Begins Inside: You don't have to quit your job or blow up your life tomorrow; agency starts with internal shifts in how you think and how you view your own needs.
Toxic Silence is Costly: Remaining quiet to "keep the peace" often delays personal growth, increases stress, and prevents deeper connections with others.
Self-Allyship: Building the skill to speak up for yourself makes you a better ally for others. Treating yourself with the same commitment you give to external causes is essential for long-term well-being.
Authenticity is Motivating: When your external actions match your internal values, it creates an "upward spiral" that encourages those around you to do the same.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Personality and Strengths Assessments for Individuals and Partnerships
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Kent: Welcome to the No Vacation Required podcast where each episode we ask, why are we still doing that? Building a life you don't need a break from starts by letting go of templated ideas of success. And letting go of templated ideas of success requires each of us to ask, why are we still doing that? Why are we still doing that to the actions we've put on autopilot in the interest of pleasing family, fitting in with friends, and aligning with the dream of the planet.
Welcome to this episode of the No Vacation Required podcast.
Caanan: Welcome.
Kent: Actually, I should say the first episode of the No Vacation Required podcast. And before we get into what we're doing here, Caanan, do you just want to share what No Vacation Required is?
Caanan: Oh yeah. No Vacation Required is many things. Mostly it's the idea that you can build a life you don't need a break from. That's kind of our tagline. It's also where we give advice and tips both from our professional experience and our lived experience building a no vacation required life so that you can also create a life you don't need a break from. And it's essentially the life we lead, and it was the impetus for building the business we have, which is called the Change Laboratory. It's not something we talk a lot about historically, but we're going to be doing that more. And one more thing, it's also kind of hyperbolic because of course, if you know us, you know that even though we have a no vacation required life, we still travel a lot.
Kent: Yes.
Caanan: So you may still take vacations, but you are leading a life where those vacations are not a break from your life. They're gravy.
Kent: Yeah. You're famous for saying, even fulfilled people appreciate vacations.
Caanan: I am famous for that. I'm well known for that.
Kent: Okay, so what are we doing here? Each week we're talking about a "why are we still doing that?" topic and a little background on that. This isn't our first time to the podcast rodeo. As Caanan said, we have a business focused on helping organizations and individuals change. For about 15 years, that business was focused on one life role, career, thus working with people in their professional development and working with companies to help them create stronger, more effective work groups, but what we learned very early on is that rarely do these development things, either at the individual or the team level, involve just the one career role. There's always something going on in the background because we are all mini roles. We always say, you have mini roles, but there's only one you.
During the latter part of those 15 years, we were very eager to shift to be able to help the holistic you and to be able to help companies understand that the more they care for the holistic individuals who make up their teams, the better those teams are going to perform. So the pandemic was a great time for us to switch things up. We had the time to lean in to making these changes over the past couple of years, and now we're doing just that. So we've taken what used to be our Stop Hating Mondays podcast, which is mostly career oriented, and we've stopped that and we've replaced it now with this focus on the bigger, more holistic you that is the you comprised of all the roles you play. And also, again, back to that work world, but helping employers understand that focusing on the entirety of your team members is a big positive move because we talk a lot about having Sunday scaries free teams.
Caanan: Yes.
Kent: We want organizations to have Sunday scaries free teams, and that involves considering more than just the career role.
Caanan: Here's how things are working on this No Vacation Required podcast and bigger picture, No Vacation Required as a whole. Every month, we're tackling a specific topic related to No Vacation Required, all to help you build, again, a life you don't need a break from. This month, our topic is Invoke your agency. And so we're writing about this on our Substack.
Kent: Yes.
Caanan: And that is the focus of this podcast today. Invoke your agency is the topic for the month.
Kent: Yeah. So back to how this all started, realizing in our corporate consulting and our working with individuals that communication is just lacking. And by communication, I mean people not expressing what they're thinking, what they need, what they're feeling. And we realized again, early on that we're not taught to know ourselves. We're always shocked at the number of people who actually don't even really have a clear idea of what they need, what they're thinking, what they're feeling. We realize that we're not taught this. We're not encouraged to examine this. We're taught a bunch of other stuff, but we're not taught to know ourselves.
Caanan: Yeah, in fact, so many of the problems we see with our individual and corporate clients are not related to what's happening in the workplace, but what's not happening. In other words, what's not being said, what's not being asked for, people not speaking up. People not asking for what they need.
Kent: Exactly. So I was sitting here looking at the Substack post you just referenced and I just saw that we wrote things that are out or "cheugy" for 2025: not being your authentic self, faking harmony to keep the peace. Things that are in in 2025: knowing and boldly accepting yourself, redefining family, and invoking your agency.
As it relates to work, I'm thinking of a client work group that we're currently working with. One of the team members is completely paralyzed in terms of speaking their truth. They have so much fear about a new team member coming on.
Caanan: Oh yeah, this person is brilliant in their role.
Kent: Yeah, their LinkedIn is like a gold standard of excellence. Yet they live with this fear that if they speak up, they're going to get more work that they don't want, or be low-key harassed for invoking their agency. So they choose to remain quiet to keep the peace rather than finding peace. So much of the work we do is around everybody getting honest about what they need to be successful.
Something that always comes up is, "Yeah, but I can't do that because I'll legit get fired" or "Somebody has a financial stake in my life and it would be reckless for me to invoke my agency that way." What we say to that is there are always small steps you can be taking. Agency begins on the inside. Even if it's internal shifts in how you think or building your viewpoint, it can all be internal work, which leads then to small steps that are externally facing. We have no patience for complete "I can't do that" paralyzation.
Caanan: Yeah, but I'm also glad you're saying that because so often we get self-help advice that doesn't take into account people's reality. Invoke your agency is never meant to push you to do something that is unsafe. We don't want you to lose your job or your community. What we do want is for you to take ownership of the decisions you're making and start making those tiny shifts so that you can build the skill to speak and make the kind of changes you need to make.
Kent: Toxic silence kills over time, and there's a cost to that. We want you to examine that cost. This first episode was motivated by something we see every year around the holidays. You don't owe anyone anything. If being yourself around family is too much, just do what you need to do.
In some cases, you've got to protect yourself at all costs. This isn't about recklessly bringing your entire self to everything. But this paralyzed version of keeping the peace where nothing is happening—where you attend an uncomfortable holiday dinner and say nothing—is dangerous. Your neighbor who you never talk to knows you more than these family members do. We want to talk about the cost of keeping the peace and how the upside of authenticity is so important for you and those you love.
Caanan: Well, let's just cut to the chase. There's nothing peaceful about keeping the peace. It makes you feel resentful and silenced.
Kent: Delays growth, increases stress, creates resentment. You miss opportunities for deeper connection. It perpetuates inauthenticity.
Caanan: I don't even know why the term "keeping the peace" exists because it's so un-peaceful. You can go your entire day numbing yourself out to the point where you can lose sight of who you even are. You're so busy tampering down your authentic self that you don't even know who that person is anymore. No Vacation Required is all about practical advice. We know it's hard and scary, but it's essential to your mental health to start finding ways to be your authentic self.
Kent: The most enduring change occurs when we are all more ourselves and communicate our needs. We're huge advocates for positive psychology. There's a way that you can increase your personal agency and live authentically by taking a bright-sided approach rather than letting those internal voices say, "don't do that."
Caanan: It's so easy to mistake positive psychology for toxic positivity. Positive psychology is about looking at things honestly, acknowledging it's hard and scary, but focusing on the expansive view and the positive outcomes.
Kent: Here's what positive psychology does:
Aligning with your values fosters genuine happiness.
Taking ownership of your decisions boosts confidence.
Speaking your truth strengthens relationships by building trust.
Living authentically enhances motivation.
You want to match what's inside you with what's outside you. The courage you exhibit by acting authentically is motivating to other people and helps create a sense of agency among your community.
Caanan: Kent, you were saying the world needs to hear your voice. Say more about that.
Kent: Positive psychology involves the "upward spiral." When you take steps of courage, compassion, and commitment, it has a spiraling effect on you and those around you. We live in very divisive times, so we need everybody invoking their agency and putting that light out into the world. Your voice is more important than ever. History shows that progress requires visibility.
Caanan: In these trying times, we do need to be trying. You need to use your voice in a positive way to speak your truth, not with dark energy, but with a positive psychology mindset. This is fundamentally allyship, too. You can do this for other people, which helps you build the skill to speak up for yourself.
Kent: We talk to people a lot about "self-allyship." By being an ally to an underserved community, you're also being an ally to yourself. Giving that love externally gives you love internally. You need to be your own ally to be a better ally in the broader world.
Caanan: And for the employers listening: you need to allow your people to speak up. Create the space for people to show up as their authentic selves. If you don't, you're missing out on so much brilliance and innovation.
Kent: So here's the plan. We're going to vow to be more of who we authentically are. We're going to align our words and our actions with that honesty. Let's spend the best time among those with whom we can be ourselves—people who fill our tanks. Make this the year where we invoke our agency, where we're finding peace instead of keeping the peace.
These topics will center around our L-I-F-E change philosophy:
L – Let go of traditional ideas of success.
I – Invoke your agency.
F – Figure out you.
E – Embrace your new measures of success.
Caanan: I'll take the CHANGE part of that:
C – Catalyst: starts with knowing yourself.
H – Holistic: you have many roles, but only one you.
A – Abundance: there's enough to go around; dream big.
N – Now: life is finite; don't wait.
G – Growth: operate with a growth mindset; stay curious.
E – Ego-less/Fulfillment: it's an inside job; don't rely on external approval.
Kent: Doing this, we're going to be making ourselves better and making the world better along the way. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the No Vacation Required podcast. If you want a life you don't need a break from, a life where you live from a place of commitment and not comfort, join us for regular new episodes. And if you're ready for change, come find us at thechangelaboratory.com.