We’re not naïve. We know that for many people, being your authentic self has long been a political act. But when we hit publish on our post about invoking your agency, we couldn’t have known how timely – and depressingly radical – that call to action would be.

In that post, we focused on how keeping the peace – as in keeping yourself small – does not in fact create peace. It creates tension, resentment, and anger. Remember, speaking up and being your authentic self cultivates fulfillment, understanding, and healthier relationships. We also made an appeal that we need everyone being themselves and putting themselves out there.

So, as it turns out, we went live with that message just as political and business leaders decided to go all in on making DEI the boogeyman. They, essentially, ramped up the whole notion that being your authentic self is unwelcome. And with that whiplash-inducing demonization of, you know, people being themselves, we started to hear feedback from readers that we’ll summarize with this fictional, amalgam quote:

“Yes! I want to be my authentic self. I want to push back against all this anti-DEI craziness. But, um, I don’t invoke my agency because I have little confidence in my agency and what I stand for.”

Badlands National Park, South Dakota. Photo Credit: No Vacation Required

Personal Key Performance Indicators (PKPIs)

At a time when simply existing as yourself is being framed as a problem, it tracks that so many people feel uncertain about how to move forward. Actually, forget move forward. Many people feel uncertain about how to start.

We could write here – as we have time and time again on this Substack – about how critical it is to figure out your values. That remains very important. But it can be an intimidating place to start.

Here’s a place to start that is more approachable for many people: have your own definitions of success. Let’s call them PKPIs.

When you know what your PKPIs are – whether it’s career goals, a lifestyle decision, or values related – you're equipped with a framework that makes decision-making and action more purposeful. By putting in place clear, personal measures of success, you’ll gain a stronger sense of direction and control over your choices. And that helps you avoid feeling overwhelmed by external expectations or distractions.

With clarity around what success means to you – not your parents, not your employer, not your followers, not your spiritual leaders (if you have them) – you gain confidence, which enables you to move forward with intention and authenticity. And, you guessed it, the ability to voice that intention and authenticity.

You get to define success across all of your roles and in the way that you want to. Here too, you might be thinking “easier said than done! I’m supposed to go against entrenched beliefs and societal pressures to define success for myself across every aspect of my life? I’ll get right on that!”

We know. That, too, is a lot.

So how about this?

In our line of work, we find that one role tends to be the area of greatest opportunity.

Career.

Career is often XL.

We talk about it all the time on this Substack and across all of the work we do; people often make their Career role the biggest role in their life. This makes sense because, in our culture, what you do for work is directly linked to identity, societal expectations, and the most externally valued kinds of accomplishment.

And so much of life is complicated at best. The career role – with all the built in structure and “rules” – enables people to avoid addressing other areas of life that feel overwhelming, uncertain, or uncomfortable. The routine, recognition, and KPIs that work provides can feel easier to navigate than the complexities of relationships, health, or personal growth. Instead of trying to tackle the squishy, complex aspects of life, why not put most of your energy into something that has defined outcomes with little hits of positive reinforcement?

Here’s why. While your career role can bring short-term validation, it often leads to imbalance and missed opportunities for deeper fulfillment in other key areas of life.

Who is my career for?

What’s worse is that people often get into this oversized career role because of others’ expectations.

For example, people often follow careers their parents suggest or society deems "successful" because of pressure to meet expectations, gain approval, or avoid disappointing others. Cultural norms and family values can make certain paths feel like the “right” or “safe” choice. The old “my son is going to be a lawyer,” “my daughter is going to be a doctor,” or “you’re going to take over the family business one day” aspirations…that sh*t has pull. And, in the age of social media, careers tied to status or prestige are often seen as the ultimate markers of success.

Many people default to externally defined career paths without questioning whether they align with their own passions or priorities. It’s not until much later that they get in touch with us because they realize true fulfillment comes from choosing a career that reflects who they are.

So, here are some tips to get you started on a healthier career path.

Tip 1: Pursue work that aligns with your personality.

There are some ways to determine if your work is, um, YOU-aligned.

When you’re in a career that isn’t aligned with your personality, it often shows in subtle but telling ways. You may feel drained, unmotivated, or constantly out of sync with your work. Tasks that don’t suit your natural strengths can feel like uphill battles, which leads to frustration, stress, or burnout. This misalignment can also impact your confidence and creativity, because you’re spending more energy adapting than thriving. Over time, it may manifest as dissatisfaction or a lingering sense that something is missing, even if your appear "successful" on the surface.

Pursuing work that aligns with your strengths, and natural talents is more fulfilling because it allows you to thrive in ways that feel authentic and effortless. Instead of constantly trying to adapt to roles that don’t fit, you can focus your energy on excelling at what comes naturally. This alignment boosts confidence, reduces stress, and fosters a deeper sense of purpose. When your work reflects who you truly are, it becomes (as is often said!) more than a paycheck – it becomes a meaningful expression of your unique abilities and values. That’s where true fulfillment lies.

Tip 2: Do not make your employers definition of success your only definition of success.

People often adopt corporate goals as their own because they feel a sense of loyalty, responsibility, or connection to their work. Oh, and because they are – as previously described – actively avoiding other aspects of their life. As we’ve talked about in our posts on workism, companies are all too happy to capitalize on this by tying individual success to the company’s performance through incentives, promotions, and recognition.

When the company thrives, it can feel like a personal win. It feels good to have your effort and dedication validated. And it’s okay to enjoy that feeling. But there’s a flip-side. When corporate goals aren’t met, people can internalize it as personal failure – even though those outcomes are often far beyond their control. This dynamic can blur the line between professional and personal fulfillment, making it crucial to separate your own sense of success from external measures you don’t fully own. Just because your employer didn’t make XYZ goal, doesn’t mean YOU didn’t accomplish something and build new skills. Focus on THAT.

Which leads us to…

Tip 3: Have your own definition of success within a career or job.

Having your own definition of success at work allows you to focus on what truly matters to you. It frees you from chasing goals that don’t align with your values, which creates more purpose and satisfaction in your work. You can measure progress by your own standards – like growth, impact, or work-life balance – rather than external metrics like titles or profits. This perspective reduces stress, boosts confidence, and helps you make choices that align with your strengths and priorities, ultimately leading to more fulfilling and authentic outcomes.

Yes, you still have your company’s goal(s) to contend with, that’s the reality of work, but they don’t define you and your feelings of self worth.

Here’s the long and short of it.

Your career is something you do, not who you are. Your job can provide structure, growth, and validation, but it shouldn’t be the sole source of your identity or fulfillment. And your employer’s KPIs should never be your only measures of success.

When you have your own definition of success – PKPIs that aren’t dictated by employers, cultural expectations, or external validation – you gain agency. You move from reacting to expectations to intentionally shaping your life. And when you do that, you’re more likely to invoke your agency, speak up for what matters to you, and be your authentic self.

As a not-insignificant side-benefit, you’ll be building the kind of life you don’t need a break from. One where you feel more empowered (and appropriately defiant!) when those aforementioned political and corporate leaders poopoo acts of self-agency. ✊🏽

Onward & Upward,