Things that are chuegy in 2025:

Not being your authentic self.
Faking harmony to “keep the peace.”
The word cheugy (probably).

Things that are NOT chuegy in 2025:

Knowing and boldly accepting yourself.
Redefining family. Again.
Invoking your agency.

An annoying thing happens around the holidays. Every year, advice about “protecting” yourself from family members who don’t understand you floods the internet. In mid-November, I saw one Instagram Story proclaim, “You don’t owe anyone anything. If being yourself around family is too much, just do what you need to do to get through.”

Many Glacier, Glacier National Park. Photo Credit: No Vacation Required

They’re not wrong. You don’t owe anyone anything. And if being your authentic self puts you in harm’s way – physically or psychologically – then, yes, you might need to fake it or grey-rock through a moment or three.

It’s far too easy to confuse “unsafe” with “unpleasant,” “scary,” or just “difficult.”

But that all-over-the-web messaging needs an update. It’s time for advice that feels more empowered and forward-thinking. Because let’s be clear: it’s far too easy to confuse “unsafe” with “unpleasant,” “scary,” or just “difficult.”

Why people choose to stay silent

The urge to “keep the peace” runs deep. It’s rooted in fear, social conditioning, and a flawed understanding of what peace actually means. Many of us equate conflict with danger, which leaves us more inclined to smooth things over than speak our truth.

Cultural norms don’t help.

Politeness and deference are still seen as virtues in many societies, while conflict is viewed as inherently negative. Women, for instance, are often labeled “difficult” or “disruptive” for speaking up – a bias that’s shifting, but not quickly enough.

[Hey Siri, play Taylor Swift’s The Man]

Too often, peace is mistaken for the absence of conflict, rather than the presence of resolution and understanding. Avoidance may feel easier in the short term, but it comes at a cost: unspoken truths, unaddressed issues, and resentment that quietly festers.

Speak up!

Okay, we established that there are times when “keeping the peace” is appropriate. But let’s not kid ourselves into thinking that there’s anything actually peaceful about “keeping the peace.”

Peace – true harmony – comes from speaking up and tackling underlying issues. Because, while your keeping the peace for short-term comfort, your also negatively affecting your well-being and relationships by:

Delaying growth
Increasing stress
Creating resentment
Missing opportunities for deeper connection
Perpetuating inauthenticity and possibly even inequality

We know it can be hard – trust us, we know – but speaking up for yourself, living authentically, and sharing your truth with the people in your orbit (loved ones, co-workers, etc.) fosters understanding, deepens bonds, and allows relationships to grow in mutual respect and authenticity.

Doesn’t that sound peaceful?

There’s so much upside

In the business of change, we’ve learned that the best, most enduring change occurs when people are more themselves and when they communicate more of their needs. The personal and workplace obstacles that we encounter in our work are so often related to what’s not said. In other words, there’s what people believe and know and think on the inside, and there’s what they actually say and do.

Positive Psychology – something we fully co-sign – emphasizes personal agency and living authentically as key elements of well-being and change. Just look at the upside of living authentically:

Aligning with your values fosters genuine happiness and fulfillment.
Taking ownership of your decisions boosts confidence and self-efficacy.
Speaking your truth strengthens relationships by building trust.
Living authentically enhances motivation by aligning your actions with intrinsic goals.
Owning your story creates clarity and a deeper sense of purpose.
And most importantly, your courage inspires others to do the same.

That’s not even a complete list!

Grinnell Lake, Glacier National Park. Photo Credit: No Vacation Required

The world needs your voice

Look, we all know times are tough. But that makes your voice more important than ever. Sharing your truth not only nurtures your well-being, but also contributes to a ripple effect of change. History shows that progress – whether in civil rights, LGBTQ+ advocacy, or suffrage – requires visibility. Silence perpetuates injustice. Speaking up, on the other hand, challenges oppressive systems and amplifies diverse perspectives.

When you share your truth, you empower others to do the same. Advocacy builds momentum. It fosters solidarity. And it reminds people they’re not alone. By living authentically, you help create a world that values authenticity and courage. You do that!

The world needs every voice, including yours. Yes, it’s a bit of a platitude, but it’s so. true.

Invoke your agency

In 2025, let’s vow to be more of who we authentically are. And let’s also vow to align our words and actions with that honestly.

Let’s spend the most and the best time among those with whom we can be ourselves. More time with people who appreciate – no, celebrate! – us for who we are. More time with people who fill our tanks.

Let’s spend less time among the energy vampires. Less time with people who recoil and bare their fangs when we don’t dim our light.

Let’s make this the year that we invoke our agency – finding peace instead of “keeping the peace” knowing we’ll be making ourselves and the world a better place along the way.

Onward & Upward,