Why Are We Still Naysaying? – Why Are We Still Doing That?
No Vacation Required
Stop Centering Yourself: The Cure for Habitual Naysaying
Why have so many people become habitually critical? We dive into the cycle of constant rejection and the insecurity that often fuels a negative mindset. By examining a recent "call out" we received regarding their stance on traditional life paths, we explore why we tend to center ourselves in stories that have nothing to do with us.
From the viral "bean soup" phenomenon to the science of positive psychology, this episode offers a guide on how to shift from a defensive posture to an "upward spiral" of curiosity and joy. Learn how to protect your energy by knowing when to care, when to let go, and how to authentically celebrate the choices of others – even when they look nothing like your own.
Onward and Inward,
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CHAPTERS:
(00:00) Why are we still doing that?
(01:03) Mindshare: Beautiful October weather and the "big leap" to the iPhone 17 Pro
(04:09) The Naysaying epidemic: Why we critique what we can't control
(06:28) Getting "Called Out": Addressing the bias against traditional paths
(12:38) The "Bean Soup" Effect: The problem with centering yourself
(16:02) Mindful Positivity: The brain science of the upward spiral
(21:40) The Coaching Trick: "I'm glad that makes you happy"
(22:41) Worth the Time: Seattle’s Museum of Flight and beaded weapons of war
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Mindful vs. Toxic Positivity: Applying positive emotions like joy and curiosity is a physiological tool to undo stress and increase resilience.
Stop the Self-Centering: Recognizing that someone else’s recipe, podcast, or lifestyle choice is not a referendum on your own life allows you to save your energy for things that actually matter.
The Upward Spiral: Practicing a "that’s great" attitude toward others' happiness creates a virtuous cycle that benefits your own mental well-being.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Museum of Flight (Seattle): The world's largest independent non-profit air and space museum.
The MiG-21 Project: A multidisciplinary exhibit by South African artist Ralph Ziman featuring beaded weapons of war.
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Kent
Welcome to the No Vacation Required podcast, where we break down tired traditions and outdated thinking by asking the question: why are we still doing that? It's all about building a life you don't need a break from, being more present and fulfilled, and showing up in a complicated world that needs your voice and unique talents.
Why have so many people become habitually critical? It's a behavior that often stems from a place of personal insecurity or a learned negative mindset rather than from any actual flaw in another's actions. This cycle of constantly rejecting or undermining the efforts of others only serves to damage relationships and hinder people's progress. So today we're talking about that, and we're sharing our own experience of getting called out for this very thing.
Caanan
Now it's time for a segment we call Mindshare, where we tell you what's on our mind over the last week. I'm going to keep it very simple today. It's October in Seattle. The weather has been so beautiful—stormy, rainy...
Kent
Would you say sublime? It's been sunny, too.
Caanan
Sublime. It's our jam, and I am eating it up. Lots of things are going on this week, but I'm just enamored with the October weather.
Kent
I'm going to file that under "grateful." As for mine, I’m going to be basic and say that this year I decided to take the big leap. You get nervous about taking the leap because you get attached to your iPhone. I remember I was so attached to my 6S; I waited through all these cycles. Then we were at Lake Como and I dropped it three inches to the ground. Because everything there is granite, it completely shattered the screen, and I was forced into an upgrade.
Caanan
You held on to that 6S for four years and the navigation had stopped working! It was a mess. I kept telling you to upgrade and you'd say, "No, I like it, it feels good in my hand."
Kent
Last I had the 15, and the phones have been great—they are everything you need. So you think, why upgrade? But I was so intrigued by the 17 Pro having a much better camera and video capability. I took the leap, and I’m sitting here staring at it and I'm thrilled. If you're thinking about upgrading, I recommend the 17 Pro because that video zoom is bonkers.
Caanan
It's a very nice-looking phone, a very pretty orange that is totally on brand for the month. If you want to make sure your accessories match the mood and you want to drop a lot of money to do it, this orange phone is super fall-coated.
Kent
This week is all about why there is so much naysaying. In the work we do, we see people spend so much time being critical of everything around them—what she gets, what he's got. It does you no good. As an interesting side note, we have something happening in our personal lives right now regarding loved ones we think are making bad decisions. We realized last night that we cannot give our attention to this. It is not our place to get involved; we cannot be naysaying this to death. We need to focus on ourselves, the things we can control.
Caanan
This is an important topic. Last week we talked about being in the resort pool and how people with traditional jobs were blown away by us working together while being married. We discussed being the kind of person who is happy for other people, rather than examining the world as if someone else's life choice is a referendum on your own. You should lift others up, even if it's not something you understand.
Kent
Picture this: we're having a conversation about how we need to talk about naysayers because it bubbled up in a corporate project. Then, cue an email we received regarding our last podcast. The listener wrote that they were disappointed, saying, "Your questioning people's choice to pursue stable, conventional paths is not only judgmental, but entirely unfair. It's disrespectful to belittle their success just because it fits into a mold you do not prefer." You could have knocked me over with a feather. I see how someone could perceive it that way, but Caanan reminded me of an important truth.
Caanan
We have a podcast for a specific niche of people looking to build unconventional lives and question social constructs. That is who this is for. If you are living a traditional life and it makes you happy, that’s wonderful. We fully lift that up—as long as it’s an authentic choice. I think many people in traditional roles haven't actually done the work to examine if that's what they truly want.
Kent
I was happy to get the letter, even if it gave me a jolt of emotion, because we don't want people feeling badly. Inclusivity is our brand. It's funny because a majority of the teams we help are working traditional jobs. We got into this business because we couldn't believe how many people felt "off-purpose."
It reminds me of the Black Lives Matter movement, when people would say, "But all lives matter." Of course they do, but one group had been centered so much that we needed to focus on those who hadn't been. The traditional way is the established way; it's the only way most people know. When people are quick to say "don't call me out for having a traditional job," I see it as a barrier. We aren't calling them out; we are talking to people who want to explore deeper or examine other opportunities. Often, this feedback is just a fear that the traditional way will change too much.
Caanan
Nothing we say should make you feel we are against your choices, as long as it is a choice. This letter also reminds me of the "what about me?" vibe that is so prevalent now, where everyone centers themselves in everything. Remember that viral bean soup recipe?
Kent
Completely, yeah.
Caanan
A woman made a bean soup for pregnant or menstruating women who needed iron. The comments were full of people saying, "But what if I don't like beans?" It's a perfect example. If you don't like beans, the recipe isn't for you! Stop centering yourself.
Kent
I saw the same thing this morning! A viral double chocolate cookie recipe had a huge dust-up because someone asked how to make it with almond flour. The author said it doesn't work well with almond flour, and the person blew up. This recipe doesn't have to be for you! Now there's practically a Change.org petition to get the person removed from the forum. It sucks the life out of everything.
Caanan
Exactly. If you're listening to a podcast about questioning the traditional path, don't get mad when we challenge it. That's the whole point. Stop centering yourself in things that have nothing to do with you; you'll be much happier.
Kent
Why are we still doing naysaying? I’ve been studying the tenets of positive psychology. This isn't "toxic positivity"; it's mindful positivity. Studies show that when you apply positive emotions—joy, interest, contentment, curiosity—your wellbeing and resilience increase. It helps with creativity and problem-solving. There is usually no reason to have a negative reaction.
Caanan
Why would you get mad at a podcast about questioning traditional paths? Again, we aren't denigrating them if they are examined. If you want to center yourself, think about how a positive mindset could benefit you. When something has nothing to do with us, we try to say, "Oh, how interesting. That's great." We're both INFJs; we're guides and like to get into things, but we recognize when something isn't for us.
Kent
You’re touching on the "upward spiral." Practicing positive focus creates a virtuous cycle of emotion in yourself and others.
Caanan
And to be clear, you need that positive energy because there is a lot in the world that does require critical thinking and is appropriate to be a naysayer about. Save your energy for the things that really matter. The bean soup has nothing to do with you if you don't like beans. Don't waste the energy.
Kent
In therapy and coach training, there's a focus on helping clients get comfortable with things that don't align with their "me-centric" view. We're practicing this with our own personal situation. You have to realize you have no profound impact on certain things, and negative thoughts don't help. Now, I just say, "I'm glad that makes you happy." As long as nothing illegal is going on, that's the best approach.
It's time for Worth the Time. We have a hyper-local version today. We recently went back to the Museum of Flight here in Seattle after about a decade. It's the largest independent non-profit air and space museum in the world. We got to go on a Dreamliner, the first 747, and an actual Concorde. It’s amazing for both kids and adults.
Caanan
This isn't promotional; it's just really cool. Though, if anyone knows why the Concorde hasn't come back so we can get to London in three hours, please explain that to us! Currently, they have a cool art installation called the MIG21 project by South African artist Ralph Ziman. He beads weapons of war, like fighter jets and AK-47s.
Kent
The idea is to reclaim the narrative—making something beautiful out of weapons of mass destruction. It's a temporary exhibit, so if you're in Seattle in the next few months, check it out. Thanks for listening. For more information, visit novacationrequired.com, and please subscribe.