Enough Feeling Shame About Building The Life You Want – Why Are We Still Doing That?
No Vacation Required
Building and Broadcasting the Life You Want: Breaking the Silence on Unconventional Joy
Why do we feel the need to hide or justify our happiness when it doesn't look like everyone else's? We explore the awkward reality of "social censorship" and the ripples created when you build a life centered on what you actually value. From the pressure to complain about your partner to the collective obsession with "striving," we dismantle the unwritten rules that keep us from being honest about our successes.
Whether you are navigating the "dream of the planet" or already forging your own path, this episode dives into how to handle the inevitable pushback from others and why finding your own "contrarian" circle is essential. Learn why knowing yourself is the ultimate investment and how to become a person who celebrates unconventional courage in others.
Onward and Inward,
SUPPORT NO VACATION REQUIRED:
If this episode helped you rethink a tough decision, please leave a review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube! It is the best way to help our message reach more people.
Subscribe: Never miss an episode by hitting the follow button on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts
Follow us on Instagram
CHAPTERS:
(00:00) Why are we still doing that?
(01:05) Mind Share: The "Disneyfication" of nostalgia and the value of old-school presence
(06:13) Why we are ashamed of building the life we want
(09:03) The Relationship Lottery: Defending the decision to spend time together
(11:47) Why happy decisions aren't always celebrated
(13:39) Breaking the Schema: The pool conversation and the "social currency" of struggle
(18:44) Finding the Shift: Surrounding yourself with contrarian content and people
(23:53) Worth the Time: Hidden messages in the horror movie Weapons
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
The Success Referendum: Understand that your positive life changes often act as a mirror for others' insecurities. Don't let their discomfort dictate your broadcast.
Be Whiskey, Not Water: Stop trying to appeal to everyone. If your life is "muted" enough to please the masses, it probably isn't authentic to who you are.
Know Your Design: The most effective catalyst for change is deep self-knowledge. Once you understand your own makeup, you can no longer tolerate being confined by the world's expectations.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Movie: Weapons (starring Julia Garner)
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Caanan
Welcome to the No Vacation Required podcast, where we break down tired traditions and outdated thinking by asking the question: why are we still doing that? It's all about building a life you don't need a break from, being more present and fulfilled, and showing up in a complicated world that needs your voice and unique talents.
Kent
Why are we still so ashamed of building the life we actually want? We've been thinking about why it feels awkward to admit we've built our lives around our true desires. While we're public about our "no vacation required" brand, we keep many things private—some to protect our peace, but others because they create too many ripples. Today, we're talking about living and broadcasting the life you want.
Caanan
Time for Mindshare. Kent, I know exactly what you’re going to talk about because it’s been your entire life for the last week.
Kent
We just got back from Disneyland celebrating our nephew’s sixth birthday. We’ve been to Disney a lot—we even used to work with them—but we had never done it with a child. There is definitely something to seeing the joy through a kid's eyes. I loved seeing his face on rides like Tiana’s Bayou Adventure.
However, I have to say I could not be more disappointed in the Disney experience as a whole. It felt outlandishly expensive and didn't live up to the value proposition.
Caanan
The "Lightning Lane" thing is a perfect example. You pay extra for speedier access, but they didn't really deliver. The options were all late in the day, and it keeps everyone's heads buried in their phones. We finally just threw our arms up, did it "old school," and treated the expensive add-ons as little extras. That made it fun again, but honestly, it feels like they are just exploiting nostalgia at this point.
Kent
100%. Anyway, let's get back to the core question: why are we still ashamed of building and broadcasting the life we want?
Decades ago, we spent our marathon training runs in the middle of the night talking about building a life together. We asked: why wait for the traditional model? Why not do it now? We prioritized spending time together. But even now, when we tell people we work, travel, and live together 24/7, we don't get "That's amazing." We get, "How do you not kill each other?"
Caanan
It’s derisive. We end up in justification mode, defending our decisions against the "Dream of the Planet"—the collective social script. It’s depleting.
Kent
Exactly. When you break away from the pack, people often respond poorly. One of the biggest surprises of making positive changes is how unhappy others can be for you. It's often because your success feels like a referendum on their life choices or their inability to make healthy changes.
Caanan
The "Dream of the Planet" says your career should define you and you should always strive for more money. We saw this recently at a resort swimming pool. We got pulled into a conversation with four other couples—strangers—who were playing a game of guessing everyone's profession based on their looks. It was cringey. When they found out we work together, the narrative shifted to: "I could never spend that much time with my spouse."
These were top-tier professionals—endodontists, lawyers—who work so hard just so they can take a vacation to get away from the very life they built. Us showing up with a different reality disrupted their schema, and that isn't always welcome.
Kent
So, how do you shift? First, lean into those rare moments when you meet someone who actually understands your real dreams. Surround yourself with people who don't deplete you.
Second, surround yourself with inspiring, contrarian content. We are always "becoming," as Michelle Obama says. If you stay in an echo chamber of people living the life you want to leave, you’ll never feel safe enough to change.
Caanan
If you are on the precipice of change, be prepared for negative feedback. It's a signal you're on the right path. Also, be the person who lifts others up. Even if you don't "get" someone’s unconventional choice, you can say, "I think that's really brave."
I love the line "Be whiskey, not water." Water appeals to everyone, but it's muted. Maya Angelou said, "If you're always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." Knowing yourself is the best investment you can make. Once you know what you're meant to be doing, you can't stand being confined by expectations.
Kent
Final segment: Worth the Time. Caanan, you have a movie recommendation?
Caanan
We watched a movie called Weapons. It’s about a community where a classroom of children mysteriously vanishes. It wasn't our favorite movie—it’s a horror/thriller, and we aren't big horror fans—but we couldn't stop talking about it. We spent a whole half-marathon discussing the hidden messages and the director's intent.
Kent
If you can’t stop talking about a piece of art, it was worth the time. Julia Garner is in it, and she's great.
Thanks for listening. For more information on building a life you don't need a break from, visit novacationrequired.com. Please subscribe if you found this helpful!