The Sophisticated Lie of Preparation – Why Are We Still Doing That?
No Vacation Required
Is Waiting for "Ready" Just a Slow Way of Dying?
We often treat "preparation" as a virtue, but more often than not, it is a sophisticated lie we tell ourselves to avoid the discomfort of moving forward. In this episode, we explore why clarity is usually the result of action rather than a prerequisite for it. If you have been waiting for the stars to align or for one more certification before starting your project, this conversation is the nudge you need to stop waiting for a target that is always moving.
From the geographical gatekeeping of "who can say they live in Seattle" to the paralyzing "panopticon" of social media where every mistake feels like potential viral bait, this episode tackles the modern obsession with perfection. Whether you are navigating corporate layoffs or just trying to start a creative habit, learn how to trade the elusive "perfect" for a messy, necessary start.
Onward and Inward,
SUPPORT NO VACATION REQUIRED:
If this episode helped you find a bit of clarity today, please leave a review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube! It is the best way to help our message reach more people.
Subscribe: Never miss an episode by hitting the follow button on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts
Follow us on Instagram
CHAPTERS:
(00:00) The lie of preparation
(00:52) Mind Share: Geography, gatekeeping, and saying you’re from Seattle
(04:32) Spark: Responding to a creative project stuck in limbo for three years
(07:34) The Perfection Trap: Gay community standards and the "Wayback Machine"
(10:42) Moving through the cycle of constant crises
(14:14) The New World Order: Handling the fear of tech layoffs and career stagnation
(17:52) Three practical tips to move past perfection
(23:43) Sandbox budgets and the power of a "Hype Person"
(26:41) Worth the Time: Paper Girl by Beth Macy
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
• The B-Minus Rule: Commit to finishing a task with "good enough" quality to break the cycle of overthinking.
• Messy Progress: Use a 15-minute timer to create the "ugly version" of your idea just to get the gears turning.
• Fear-Basing: Ask yourself what the actual worst-case scenario is. Usually, it is a bruised ego, not a total disaster.
• Ready is a Myth: Clarity happens after you move, not before.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
• Strengths and Personality Assessments: https://novacationrequired.com/
• Paper Girl by Beth Macy: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/223362031-paper-girl
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Caanan: There's a specific kind of lie we tell ourselves called preparation. We keep gathering data, buying the gear, and waiting for the stars to align, as if clarity is something that happens before you move. But if we all realize that ready is a moving target, why are we still not moving forward?
Kent: Welcome to the No Vacation Required podcast, where we break down tired traditions and outdated thinking by asking the question, why are we still doing that? It's all about building a life you don't need a break from, being more present and fulfilled, and showing up in a complicated world that needs your voice and unique talents.
Caanan: Okay, Kent, I don't have a mind share for this week, so I hope you've got something.
Kent: I do.
Caanan: Oh good.
Kent: Something that I've actually thought about forever and now I'm just seeing it shows up on social media and out in the wild for me constantly.
Caanan: Okay.
Kent: I don't know if you remember this, you know, we're meeting people all the time, especially out in the world. And it was several years ago we met a woman and she said, where are you from? And I was like, Seattle. And she was like, you mean right from in Seattle? Remember this? Yes. And I was like, you later, that later I was thinking, well, that's why I said Seattle. So I remember I said, oh, I mean, we don't live right downtown, but we live close. And I couldn't quite figure out, right, what she was after. Like, wait, I said Seattle, like that's where I live. But now I know, we've talked about this with friends for a few years now, but seeing it all over social media, the big question, like, how close do you need to live to a big city to be able to say you lived in that city? Right? I love talking about this too. And I think it's funny because, yeah, this gets into a lot of weird stuff because we wish more people could afford to live in Seattle. It's gotten so unaffordable and if you didn't, it was, if you don't already live here, it's tough to get your feet in. And we want more people to live here. They want to live here too. So there's this thing where people who live, actually a long way away, like they'll live in Olympia or wherever, and they'll say, you know, from Seattle, and they'll use this excuse, well, people don't know anything about Washington. So I just say Seattle.
Caanan: Yeah.
Kent: Because who cares?
Caanan: That excuse holds up if you're talking to somebody from like New Brunswick and you don't want to say Olympia, Washington. You just want to keep it easy and say Seattle. But if you live in Olympia and you're telling people in the area that you live in Seattle, girl, that's a lie.
Kent: Yeah. And I think of a club we're in, right? A club we're in with a couple 100 people and all the people we've met And we say, where are you from? Where are you guys from? And it's like, oh, Seattle. Like, well, we know that. We mean what neighborhood in the city we're in are you from? And they come back with, oh, well, Tacoma. It's like, well, you don't, then why did you say Seattle? You live in Tacoma, right? Like, you don't live in Seattle. We are from Seattle. We know where Tacoma is.
Caanan: Oh, that's funny.
Kent: Yeah.
Caanan: That's funny.
Kent: Yeah. So I see this all the time, the arguing, and maybe y'all have to, on the different social media avenues where people throw this question out. It's perfect cliff bait. I always want to jump in and be like, you need to just say where you're from. And if it's some woman at the airport in Omaha, then you're going to have to explain a little more where right where Omak, Washington is.
Caanan: And in the meantime, we do hope that our city becomes more affordable so more people can actually be from Seattle if they want to be from Seattle.
Kent: 100%. And we appreciate the marketing and the love for people who don't actually live in Seattle, but say they do. Okay, so quick reminder, this month we are centering our conversations around listener emails and specifically sparks. We wanted this all to be about next level stuff. And we thought, what better way to do that than by harnessing the sparks that our listeners share via e-mail where I love these emails. Yeah, something sparks them in an episode and they write wanting more information about something. So last episode is 1 about how to really communicate, how to get past surface communication. Right. And yeah, as Canaan said in the intro, this is about stopping, waiting for ready. So let me look at this e-mail. This person writes, You guys talk about how ready is a myth. I've been holding on to a creative project for about 3 years. Because I keep telling myself I need one more certification or a better website before I can show anybody.
Caanan: Oh my God.
Kent: Okay, so they go on to say, I realized that my waiting is just a slow way of dying. That cracked me up. Yeah. How do I take that first step when every bone in my body is screaming that I'm not prepared enough? Heard. Hurd. Yeah, it's a hurdle we all face. So this week we're asking, why are we still treating perfection? Perfection is the key word, like a prerequisite for permission. Why are we still not moving forward?
Caanan: Okay, that really resonates with me because I remember a time in our life, pre no vacation required. So we're going in the way back machine, when we were just starting to idiate.
Kent: The way back machine.
Caanan: Just starting to ideate what we now call our no vacation required life.
Kent: Yeah.
Caanan: And it was terrifying because all big change can, you know, has the potential to be really terrifying.
Kent: But we just listen to every episode we've done. Yeah.
Caanan: But we were really trying to, for a time, nail down the change. We were trying to be just perfectly ready to make the kind of change we wanted to make. We now know, and fortunately then we came to it pretty quickly, that there was no ready. We were never going to be ready to make the kind of change we needed to make. We just had to make it. And I'm so glad we got there and we live this incredible life that I'm so grateful for because we just moved And we didn't wait for ready.
Kent: Yeah. This is interesting though, because I think we've mentioned before, we just had to tell ourselves, we wrote on paper, is this reckless? Because there were things we needed to do that seemed crazy. But as long as we weren't being reckless, we just did it. But this isn't exactly about that. What really struck me about this e-mail was the word perfection.
Caanan: Yes.
Kent: And you came and said, that that's, and this is why we're doing this reader e-mail month. It's so emblematic of something we're seeing so much in our personal lives and our work is this obsession with.
Caanan: Perfection. And I just want to say, I remember having this feeling a little bit when we were going to make the big change because as gay men in the gay community, there's a, impulse for perfection that already exists in that community. And we had to break through that among all the other social factors that may keep you from making big change. But that little kernel of perfection, the desire for perfection, I think has gotten so much worse.
Kent: Yes.
Caanan: So much worse. You just referenced it in our last podcast episode about connection somebody, I think, just being afraid to be vulnerable or ask a question because the consequences of looking stupid are so profound, can be so profound now.
Kent: You can be the next viral TikTok.
Caanan: Yeah, you can have your name become, you know, you're a Brian and now everybody's a Brian because they made the same stupid mistake as you. So everybody's trying to achieve this level of perfection and it makes me so sad that is the case and that it's gotten so much worse because people are, I think they're paralyzed to move forward until they achieve this elusive — and it's elusive because it's impossible — idea of perfection before they jump or move or take the leap, whatever metaphor you want to use. So I want to go back to your and I's story.
Kent: Please.
Caanan: Because I was thinking about how in those early days, yes, we're going, getting back into the Wayback Machine, that.
Kent: We... Don't call it the Wayback Machine.
Caanan: I'm sorry, it's the truth. We were talking about these big dreams.
Kent: Yeah.
Caanan: And we knew we were going to take the leap at some point.
Kent: Yeah.
Caanan: And yes, at one point we were trying to make sure we had everything perfect before we did. But we also had a realization that made us move fast to make this change. And that is, oh my God, are we going to talk about this dream for 30 more years?
Kent: Yeah, if we stick with the standard template of later in life, not now, 100%.
Caanan: If we follow the script, we're going to be having the same conversation about what our best life could look like for 30 more years.
Kent: Yeah, and this is my entryway into also thinking about the perfection thing that's so much more prevalent now, because I remember back to then and thinking we had some really great ideas. Yeah. And then it sort of became, well, now we're just kind of spending time, wasting time, because it's I mean, then, what, 40, 50 years until we retired. So that too became a game of perfection. Oh, well, we can talk about this little facet of it. Right. So you start to get a sense of what now is a much bigger problem, how you can just decide, well, I need to do this, or I need to talk about that. I think about our friends who have been in the same loop forever. And clients we work with, it's just, it's sad because it's a rough, rough world and we all need to be supporting each other in moving forward because people are just coming from one crisis to another. So often when we're checking in with clients or friends, no movement's been made on something because there's another crisis in their own life or in a loved one's life.
Caanan: Yeah, they're just moving from one crisis to another, which is keeping them from being able to move forward on their dreams, especially with the perfection overlay.
Kent: And we feel that so much from people who will have these really unrealistic ideas about preparedness, and then they'll talk themselves out of the move they want to make because they can't even imagine like, this is what I really need to do to pursue this thing or that person or this life or that move. And it's like, if you keep talking like that, the time will never, ever, ever be right.
Caanan: And you know, this is also modeled in the workplace because think about think about the workplace. It's like you've got two ends of the spectrum. One is a complete terror around actually moving forward with big ideas. Like we have all the data in the world now, so we're just going to keep ingesting and consuming and visualizing data until we know that what perfecting, until we know that the move is going to be a sure hit, high ROI, whatever. But on the flip side, companies are also constantly responding to crises, just like our friends, just like everybody is nowadays. And so you can't escape this model of waiting until perfect, waiting until ready to make a big move, but also being completely hamstrung by a constant string of crises that keep you distracted.
Kent: Yeah, as I was thinking about this podcast and making notes, I was thinking about all the teams and all the friends and all the individual clients we've worked with and work with currently at Amazon. And they've just announced, what, another 22,000 people laid off.
Caanan: Yeah, maybe it's 16,000. I can't remember the number.
Kent: A lot.
Caanan: It's A lot.
Kent: A lot of super competent people right here in Seattle being laid off and kind of saying like, we set the framework for this. We're perfecting how we operate. We're demanding a lot of our teams. So as we're seeing more perfected ways to operate, We are laying people off. But don't worry, we're also hiring where we need people in areas where we're building and growing. Just that news alone has paralyzed so many of the teams, so many of our loved ones, so many of our individual clients. Because how can you feel good enough if you're doing great and then your employer decides, well, we don't need your skill anymore because we're moving in this direction and it's all so quick. And it seems so fast and it seems so unfair that it's hard not to cling to that mentality that it's something wrong with you or you're not prepared enough. And it's a whole new world order where you've got to accept that reality because it is the reality, but it cannot keep you from moving on. And what makes us very sad is we see these teams loved ones, individual clients get paralyzed in the perfection they perceive they need. You know, I've got this kind of education, this kind of experience. Where am I ever going to get a job? Or how am I going to put this skill to use if Amazon just laid me off?
Caanan: Yeah, so listen, we understand. We're not all billionaires and we can't all move fast and break things. You need to have a certain level of preparation to make the move, whatever the move is. But even in this environment, even in these trying times, you can still move without being perfectly ready.
Kent: Your best investment is knowing yourself. With YouFinder, you'll uncover your natural strengths, talents, and values through a quick assessment. You'll then get personalized insights to help you on your path. Get started at novacationrequired.com. I want to mention yet again what's on my mind from the last episode on real communication, getting past surface communication. And I just happened to talk about my now great experience journaling and thinking about all that self-criticism I was employing in my prior bajillion attempts.
Caanan: Around journaling.
Kent: Yeah, because I wasn't doing it right. I needed to have a, yeah, I keep saying this, but these things I had running in my head. So when I, when you and I were talking about these tips that you're about to share, I was thinking how helpful they are for people who just want to practice getting past that idea of perfection. Because you want to move forward. You want to thrive. You want to give yourself the permission to do the thing, as our emailer stated. And you need to practice, build certain muscles to do that. So I'm excited for you, Cannon, to share these ideas that we talk about with clients and that I think will be helpful for people.
Caanan: Yeah, I hope they're helpful. I've got three things and you can try one or all of them and maybe they'll help you move past this idea of needing to be perfectly ready before you move. So the first one is to just pick a small task that you've been overthinking and then commit to finishing it with a B minus quality by the end of the week, right? just do it, make it okay.
Kent: Yeah.
Caanan: And then be done with it.
Kent: I love that too because. Not to interrupt you, but I think that's so great because what we learn in our work is people think everybody's going to see everything. Honestly, I think that's what I was thinking about my journal. Like I've got to publish it on Instagram or something. But no, it's weird. In this fishbowl world in which we live, there's this feeling like everybody knows everything about everybody. And in fact, nobody knows anything about anybody. What you see on Instagram is a curated moment. I always remind people of that. It's a curated moment. It's not a real life. So yeah, do this, do a B minus job. You are not committing to putting it on LinkedIn or to making a TikTok video about it.
Caanan: Yeah. You literally gave me goosebumps thinking about that with your journaling thing, because that is the mindset. And I actually hadn't thought of that before going into some things like in this panopticon social media, life we live, acting like I have to perform everything perfectly, even if I'm the only one who's seeing it. That's fascinating. Anyway, next tip. If you're waiting for like a big chunk of time, like a four hour block of time.
Kent: Everybody is, and I'm looking at me.
Caanan: To work on the project or take the thing to the next level, stop doing that because nobody has the time. We all know that. So set yourself a timer for 15 minutes and do the messiest, like based stitch, ugly version of it that you can do in 15 minutes.
Kent: Yeah, I love that.
Caanan: And then you can move on from there.
Kent: Yeah, you're doing something.
Caanan: You're doing something.
Kent: Yeah.
Caanan: Okay, and then lastly, This is a really, really, really good one. You can apply this to a lot of stuff. Ask yourself, what is the actual worst thing that happens if this isn't perfect?
Kent: Yeah.
Caanan: Right? You and I did this very early in our life.
Kent: We call it fear-basing, yeah.
Caanan: Fear-basing. Like what happens if this fails? You know what the answer is usually like, well, we have to change something or maybe your ego is going to be a little bruised. But what is usually not the case? You're usually not going to go bankrupt or end up in jail or die.
Kent: I have a question. Is it so cool to say fear-basing? Because we mean that in a positive way.
Caanan: I think it's. Yeah.
Kent: Fear-basing not as an anchor point. Fear-basing to say.
Caanan: What is the worst that could happen here?
Kent: Yeah. I love that.
Caanan: Yeah. Let us know if fear-basing is somehow not cool anymore. I don't know.
Kent: Okay, so I've got some notes on some kind of bigger and different things that people can take or organizations can take, because this is all about a mindset to get you past that stagnancy, to get you past using crises as a way to stay stagnant or to respond only to the crises, and to get over the idea that things have to be perfect. And one thing that's come up a lot in our realm is money. Money's so tight right now for people. And can I afford that? People are staying physically very stagnant because of this strange world we live in. So there's a lot of fear around money. Well, think about, if what you're thinking of is a venture and it involves money, think about building a budget where you're able to spend money freely on a a project, so you're not looking at it as reckless. You're not taking money from your existing budget to do this and then bemoaning like, oh no, if it doesn't work out, I've wasted this money. Oh yeah. You're finding a time, maybe you have to plan for it, where you're creating a budget line for this so you've got the money to actually do it. Removing the guilt — is it guilt or is it an excuse? — of using the family money or my saved money to do something. This is a great category. This is a great real life category. We always talk about having things cooking. We just talked about this in our last episode. Having a category in the budget for something that helps you get past stagnation is.
Caanan: Wait, can I jump in here with that while you're doing that, while you're creating a little sandbox of money?
Kent: Yeah.
Caanan: Also evaluate how your idea of how much money you need to start something.
Kent: 100%.
Caanan: Because you don't have to open up the boutique in the middle of downtown Seattle in the most expensive, like one of the most expensive cities in the world. You can find ways to move toward your dream on a shoestring if that's what you have to work with. Don't let the money thing be a deterrent, having to have it all before you start. That's, yeah. Okay, go. You have another idea?
Kent: Yeah, an accountability and a motivation thing. This is helpful personally with friends or a couple of them and also in a workplace, like rather than getting stuck on planning, because again, we're in crisis mode always, and we're in perfection mode always. So next Monday is going to become the first Monday in July, is going to become the second Monday in October, is going to become next year.
Caanan: Yeah.
Kent: Just decide. Get a team member to be accountable with you or a friend or your partner and say, I'm starting now.
Caanan: Oh, this is why I love your 15 minute timer thing.
Kent: This may look like I'm carving out 15 minutes before work, after work, during lunch, whatever, if it's a work project within my existing work, to do something now, I don't even know what that might be, but I'm doing something. Maybe I'm going to do what Kent did and just start journaling about it. Maybe I'm going to take that 15 minutes to journal about this big idea. And trust me, from my experience, just journaling opens up so much clarity and so many ideas. In that same kind of wheelhouse, I think of our partnership. And again, this extends to other romantic partnerships or friendships or work relationships. Find somebody to do it with you because I can't imagine, of course, doing our life without Canaan. We designed it that way. But sometimes just having somebody else who you are sharing the risk with, walking through the different eventualities, you can help, we use the phrase, hype person, hype man, hype woman, hype they, hype person a lot. Like we all need a hype person when we can't be our own hype person fully in a moment. So having somebody who can serve in that role, someone you trust. Yes, and get you out of your head into enthusiasm and excitement and possibilities. There's a lot of motivation in that.
Caanan: I have a quote to end this on, if I may.
Kent: Please, shall we start some music in the background?
Caanan: Yes. Somebody put on some spa music. I'm going to gift you a quote. Oh, wait, you went to Anya. That's a deep cut.
Kent: You said spa music.
Caanan: So an imperfect start is better than a perfect someday. That's pretty deep.
Kent: I love it.
Caanan: Our worth the time this week is a really, really good one. Like a really worth the time. Kent, do you want to talk about Paper Girl?
Kent: Yep, I want to talk about Paper Girl. It's a great book. It's just a deep dive by the same person who wrote Dopesick. Deep dive into this journalist reporter's take on how we got where we are in the world and specifically in the United States. And it's so factual and accurate and reality-based and full of heart and fascinating because it's in the form of a memoir. But it's so much more than a memoir. I don't know that I would think of it as a memoir. Just telling about this woman's experience. Her name is Beth Macy, growing up in Ohio and what she's seen happen to her community and the people she loves. I don't know what else to say because I don't want to give anything away. But if you're in the headspace to get more insight about what's happening now.
Caanan: I was going to say you could probably give it away because we're all living in the outcome.
Kent: Yeah, you know what's cool though? The reason I thought of this is because of this episode. And I thought in a weird way, because as I'm reading the book, I'm thinking, okay, how can I, how can we be part of this solution? How can we better understand what's happening so we can be part of the solution and move something forward in a positive way that we can impact. So there's kind of a very interesting tie-in to this week's topic because I feel most stagnant in what the state of the world is now. And this is helping me feel more centered in, okay, there's things we can do now that we have more information.
Kent: Thanks for listening to the No Vacation Required podcast. For more information, including services designed to help you build a life you don't need a break from, check out novacationrequired.com. And if you found this information helpful, please subscribe.