The Power of Discernment: Choosing What Deserves Your Energy – Why Are We Still Doing That?
No Vacation Required
Why Everything Gets Our Attention but Nothing Gets Our Care
In an age of endless information, we often confuse being "informed" with being "effective." Kent and Caanan explore why the sheer volume of data we consume is actually eroding our ability to focus on what matters. This episode dives into the power of discernment and how the simple act of filtering out the noise allows our foundation work to thrive.
From navigating complex family dynamics to the overwhelming nature of the modern news cycle, Kent and Caanan share personal stories about the trap of over-complicating our lives. Whether you are feeling stuck in a cycle of rumination or simply overwhelmed by your to-do list, learn why reclaiming simplicity is the most important skill you can develop in a complicated world.
Onward and Inward,
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CHAPTERS:
(00:00) Why are we still doing that?
(00:51) Mind Share: Seattle's World Cup buzz and the city’s new energy
(02:24) Why are we still not using discernment?
(03:37) A case study in family dilemmas
(08:03) Moving from "Tweak" to "Letting Go"
(13:42) Simplicity as the ultimate meaning
(17:04) The Solution: Starting with self-regulation
(21:03) Bottom Lining: The power of honest partnerships
(23:35) Worth the Time: The Pitt (Medical drama review)
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
The Information Paradox: We don't struggle because we lack information; we struggle because we have too much of it, leading to a lack of care for what truly matters.
The Evolving Category: How to use a "holding pen" for new ideas and dreams to protect your nervous system from immediate overwhelm.
Self-Discernment: Understanding your own personality and introversion/extroversion scale is the first step toward making better external decisions.
The Meaning in Simplicity: Choosing the simplest path isn't a lack of effort – it's often the "right" answer that provides the most clarity.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPSISODE:
Strengths and Personality Assessments: https://novacationrequired.com/
The Pitt (via Rotten Tomatoes): https://www.rottentomatoes.com/tv/the_pitt
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
I've consolidated the segments to make the dialogue flow more naturally while keeping the original text and timestamps intact.
00:00:00 Caanan
We don't struggle because we don't have enough information. We struggle because we're taking in too much of it. When everything gets our attention, nothing gets our care, and our foundation work starts to crack. Today we're talking about discernment, why we're still not using it, how overwhelm pulls us off center, and what it looks like to choose what actually deserves our energy.
00:00:27 Kent
Welcome to the No Vacation Required podcast, where we break down tired traditions and outdated thinking by asking the question, why are we still doing that? It's all about building a life you don't need a break from, being more present and fulfilled, and showing up in a complicated world that needs your voice and unique talents. Here's what's on my mind this week.
00:00:51 Caanan
For mindshare. Okay.
00:00:52 Kent
Yeah. Well, you and I are always personally talking about all the good stuff that's going on. We try to be very involved with all the good stuff that's going on. And I'm just so excited about the stuff that's going on in our world and specifically in our community. We have a World Cup coming to Seattle this year. It's so exciting. The city's been buzzing for the last couple of years, but now we're in this final buildup and there's all this buzz, all this hope for our city with Fifa.
00:01:23 Caanan
And it's exciting because we're getting that sort of companies coming to town plus up of the city.
00:01:30 Kent
Yes, exactly. With that, we have a new mayor. So there's all this, this kind of freshness and it's fun too, despite craziness happening, as we're always talking about. Just want to give an example of how we always try to stay in a mindset of what's happening, and there's always these good things happening, and it's very exciting and very buzzy. And when you attach to those things, it also then creates a buzz within you, thinking about the possibilities that are accessible in your own life and in your own world. And as we always talk about, those positive emotions, positive thoughts, forward-thinking thoughts, create more of the same. That's what's on my mind as we head into this episode.
00:02:16 Caanan
I love it. I'm super excited. Why are we not using discernment? Kent, you and I are talking about this a lot lately. because the world is so complicated now. As we said in the opening, there's so much information coming in. Sadly, so much of that information isn't true or actually even real. We need discernment more than ever. To just navigate the world effectively, but to also protect our mental health and move through the world positively. This is something that is incredibly front of mind for us, discernment.
00:02:47 Kent
For sure. I think, as we've said in recent podcasts, like increasingly there's this feeling of, wait, why did they do that? Why are they thinking that? And realizing these clients and loved ones of ours are, yes, so deep in thought or rumination or information intake, however unintentional that information intake at times. And when you had suggested this as a you know, a while back as an upcoming episode, it immediately struck me as a mega yes. Because in that time, I was thinking about these close friends of ours who we've been long-term now several years, three years, three years, helping through a pretty serious family dilemma. Bottom line, without giving too much away, just they had a hard time kind of accepting a family reality. the behavior of a particular family member who is just sort of ghosted the family and our friends are having a very difficult time kind of coping with that and navigating that, trying to make it right. And then on the other hand, the introduction of a new family member that's caused a lot of friction and is also creating an equilibrium problem. You know, of course, they're coming to us for insight and updates and feeling increasingly overwhelmed and explicitly tying a lot of their pain around this to the fact that the world is so turbulent and difficult right now. And why does this have to be an addition to our reality in this terrible time. Why are they making this more difficult? I just thought they just need to stop doing this. They're trying to make something happen that nobody else wants to make happen.
00:05:09 Caanan
Yes, I remember this. We're sitting, having dinner, and this conversation comes up as it often does about their family dynamic and these issues. And we'd been listening to it again for a long time. And that's fine. We like that. We're great listeners. But you had this, you actually asked this question.
00:05:32 Kent
Yeah. So I just said at that, at one point, thinking it would be a breath of fresh air, because we now for years have been examining, you know, this tweak, this tweak, this tweak, this gesture, I just threw out there, what would it look like if you just let this go? because it was just sounding increasingly insurmountable.
00:05:56 Caanan
Yeah.
00:05:56 Kent
And it's funny, this is something we talk about constantly, like we know these people so well and that right there clouds your own judgment. We're gonna be talking about things related to this in future episodes, meaning that if this were a client, one of us would see this immediately and it would probably come up in a second or third meeting. Right. But sometimes when you know all the ins and outs and the nuance, you're on this bumpy ride with this loved one or these loved ones, and it gets hard for you to see with discernment and perspective. And I think that's what happened in that moment. I just felt saturated with, okay, my idea bank is on low. It needs to go to the gas station. And I thought, What would you tell a client or what would you talk with a client about? Yes. So I throw this out there. What if you just let this go? If you realize that you'd done everything you could do and I need to let this go and you would have thought a bomb went off. It was the most shocking thing to say. Now, this family, these friends were way too close with to have any kind of riff. There was no riff, but they were just sort of shocked. And I know, I just saw this look of, if I'm not holding on to this idea.
00:07:20 Caanan
Yeah.
00:07:21 Kent
If I'm not holding on to this idea, then who am I? I saw a complete lack of discernment. So the shock attitude of these three people told me, Wait, that's the thing. Like, they've now become so identified with this and their position that they can't look at this from any other perspective. They cannot exercise discernment and sort of say, wait, the problem is that we're still doing all this stuff and expecting all this change among other people, specifically these couple of different kind of wave creators. So it was interesting. And we had this big talk about how powerful discernment really is. If and when you realize, and I have this happen to me personally all the time, like, I'm looking at this in a funky way, right?
00:08:13 Caanan
It's like, I'm too close to this. I'm too in the middle of it. I am not, I do not have the perspective. As you said, to a certain degree, we didn't even have the perspective with these close friends to throw out what is essentially the simplest option and something that, like you said, we would come to almost immediately with a client or somebody we weren't close to.
00:08:41 Kent
Yeah, and in our line of work, you're never supposed to use the word right, which is for fun, because it's our podcast. I'm going to say it was the right answer. When faced with the right answer, right option, it was like, what?
00:09:01 Caanan
I'm really glad you used that example, Kent, because it's such a good example. And I think everybody can relate to that, to having something that you are so identified with, that you are so in the middle of, that you're so steeped in, that you don't have the perspective to exercise discernment. You can't see it from the outside, so you can't come to what was, as you said, the right answer, which is, I'm not going to give this any more mind share. I'm going to allow this thing to be the thing it is, and I'm not going to allow it to disrupt my life or occupy my brain or take up my time. And so when you're so in it, You can't come up with a simple answer.
00:09:52 Kent
Yeah. As we've been talking about this, I've actually been thinking about how there's several examples in our orbit of this, suggesting to people like, what if you just didn't do that? It doesn't sound like it's bringing you much joy. And you're thinking like, oh, they're going to love this. I'm giving them permission to whatever. There's a freak out vibe that comes from them. Oh yeah. And we've talked about this in recent episodes too, because everything is connected, people. Side note, all is one. Kent and Kanan mantra number one, all is one. Everything relates to everything. People love, like you're saying, to be tied to these things. And it's like, yeah, Kent, yeah, Kanan. What if I didn't do that? Well, then I wouldn't have this to ruminate on.
00:10:41 Caanan
Yeah.
00:10:41 Kent
Is what would happen, right? It's like, but wait, you're telling us, you're telling yourself, your kids, your spouse, that this is painful or frustrating. Yeah. The most obvious answer to me isn't tweak. It's what if this didn't exist?
00:11:00 Caanan
I understand this completely because I have. Part of my personality type is when something sort of gets in my brain and starts to feel like it's giving me a little bit of a sense of purpose to try to figure something out. No matter how disordered it is of me to be spending all of my mental energy on something, I cannot see my way out of it. I will ruminate on it and it will feel like I'm doing something. It feels purposeful. It feels like a loose tooth. right? And I will come to you because we are lucky enough to have each other and bounce ideas off each other and say, okay, I can't get this thing out of my head. Help me figure this out. And you, with fresh perspective, not being in the middle of it, will say, well, you know what, that doesn't seem actually very important to you. I know you enough to say, that doesn't really matter to you. So what if you just stop doing that? Stop worrying about it. And I'll be like, what are you talking about? And then I'll take a beat and my schema is broken and I'll look at it from your perspective and I'll say, oh yeah, I don't have to worry about that. That's silly of me. And fortunately for me, I can then let it go and it feels so satisfying. And what it comes down to is that simplicity, the simplicity to have discernment.
00:12:23 Kent
Yeah, simplicity is it. And I really want to say we've leaned into this in this time, in this season of life. We've been talking so much about, and I love that we have this podcast because we've got clients where we keep things more buttoned up and focused on a goal and all of that stuff. And we get to some of these things, but I love having this place to share with clients who listen and of course with loved ones who listen, we are in the season of the meaning is in the simplicity.
00:12:53 Caanan
Yes.
00:12:54 Kent
And I know I do this every few episodes and you all need to hear this loud and clear. Our NVR, our no vacation required life is constantly evolving. And here's an example. We're always finding, well, big, not always finding big, but sometimes finding big transitions in our NVR life and oftentimes finding little things. And this is something that came up recently, we were kind of collaborating on a idea and a what to do. And this huge thing just came over one or the other of us. Yeah. As you said, we're so lucky. We have the kind of healthy relationship that we can bounce these things off each other. Like, what if we made the meaning, the simplicity?
00:13:36 Caanan
Yes.
00:13:37 Kent
What if we didn't try to complicate this because this is what everybody's doing in the world, adding on, trying this, flipping from Instagram to TikTok to Threads, da, da, da, da, da. What if we ascribed the meaning to the simplicity.
00:13:51 Caanan
Yes, and I think this is the key to discernment. I was just thinking about this morning. I was looking at the news and I was thinking, there is so much to worry about now. And how not that long ago, just a couple generations back, maybe just a generation back, The world was very simple for the individual. Lots of stuff was going on in the world, but you didn't know about it.
00:14:18 Kent
Like figuring out toilets, but yeah.
00:14:20 Caanan
Yeah, you had no access to it. It did not come into your queue, and so you didn't have to worry about it. But now I'm scrolling through the news, and I'm thinking, good Lord, there is so much to worry about. I have the entire world's problems being fed to me. over my cup of coffee.
00:14:40 Kent
Yeah.
00:14:41 Caanan
Like, no wonder people can't exercise discernment. It's all too freaking complicated. But with simplicity, I love what you were saying there, with simplicity, the more we can strip away these things that complicate our lives and occupy our brains, We can take a breath. We can get a little bored. We can see things with more clarity.
00:15:07 Kent
We can look at things from another perspective.
00:15:09 Caanan
Yes, we can regulate our nervous systems. And then we can better exercise discernment, which, because the world is so unbearably complicated, And we have so much information coming at us. Discernment is the best thing you can do. The most important skill you can have, I think, now is knowing how to filter things out and exercise discernment.
00:15:32 Kent
I love that you brought up regulation. You know, these things are so important. And heck, we talk about these examples with clients and loved ones and the big things outside of us where discernment is helpful. But you bringing that up is making me think of what it does for you to be exercising these things that then develop self-discernment. Kenton Canaan, the experts in this, finally decide the meaning is in the simplicity. And for us, that's just sort of earth-shattering. So the compassion in that, the regulation in that, the improved self-discernment, then flips right around because remember, all is 1, and you're exercising better discernment externally. Your best investment is knowing yourself. With YouFinder, you'll uncover your natural strengths, talents, and values through a quick assessment. You'll then get personalized insights to help you on your path. Get started at novacationrequired.com.
00:16:42 Caanan
Let's get into some solutions. And I'm going to kick this off, Kent, with essentially repeating what you just said.
00:16:49 Kent
Thank you.
00:16:49 Caanan
Because what you said is actually right here in my notes. I was looking at it as you were talking. I was having a bit of an out-of-body experience because you were saying the words on my page.
00:16:58 Kent
All is one. Yes. This is what I mean by all is one.
00:17:01 Caanan
Oh, yes, our mind meld. The more discernment we can exercise in what we do, what we put our attention on, what we allow in, what we choose to care about or focus on, all of those things, the more capacity we have to exercise discernment about all of the other things in the world. So solution number one is to start with yourself, start with what you're allowing in, and start to simplify so that you can free up a little space, to start to see the world with a clearer perspective and not be entrenched and enmeshed and macerating in the crazy that you sounding to us.
00:17:49 Kent
Hearing you say that is just making me calm. Yeah, just having that resubmitted to my brain. Keep going.
00:17:55 Caanan
Yes, that's it. It's the simplicity. It's limit what's coming in, limit what you're giving your time and attention to, allow your nervous system to regulate, and you will have so much more clarity and capacity because of it. We're talking about discernment, but the word is simplicity, and this is what we're doing. We're always evolving.
00:18:16 Kent
So I'm just going to jump in here and say it because I can't stop thinking about this. In our talks about the crazy world and finding meaning and the simplicity, you had this brilliant idea because we always have a lot of things. cooking. Here's a little preview on a future episode or something about relationships. Always have stuff going on. Shared dreams, shared ideas, et cetera, et cetera. So for the first time ever, Canaan had this great idea to create an evolving category. Oh, yeah, So a place to put these things like, but I want to do this, but I want to think this, but I want to try this to protect our fragile nervous systems and lives in this overwhelming time, saying, hey, these things aren't going away. We're just going to pop them in an evolving category so that we give ourselves permission to just let it sit there. and something may come of these things in that category in the short term, or it may take a while, or you may decide to remove X, or I may decide to remove X, but this beautiful evolving category, and I like how you said, like, we're evolving, and... Now we have this evolving category.
00:19:34 Caanan
Yes.
00:19:35 Kent
That really helps with that. I want to jump in here and say too, because so much is linked to personality. It's at the foundation of everything we know.
00:19:43 Caanan
Always. Always.
00:19:44 Kent
Have we told you lately how when we figured out our own personalities, it was like putting life on steroids. In matters of discernment, knowing how you operate impacts outcomes. so much. And I think as you've been talking, Kanan, I was thinking about the introvert versus extrovert scale. Just knowing where you're at on that scale, knowing officially, not your hunch, not what a parent told you once or a spouse. It's so helpful to know this is how I refill.
00:20:21 Caanan
Yes.
00:20:21 Kent
So if this is how I, my makeup refills, this is how I can best regroup, recenter, calm myself, so that I can do whatever tax task and exercise discernment as we're talking about in this episode. So knowing your makeup is so beneficial in terms of how do I even begin to know how to, you know, value simplicity, cut away the noise, make good decisions, all of this stuff. One more thing I wanted to mention based on what you were saying too, and I wish we could do this with clients more, but it just doesn't work so well all the time. Although we can, we've talked about it before. It's called bottom lining. And this isn't kind of an even more harsh version of what we did with our friends. And of course, that wasn't even harsh. We would never be harsh.
00:21:16 Caanan
Yes.
00:21:16 Kent
But as you were talking, and as I was recounting that story about our friends, I was thinking about, I don't want to get into specifics here because it's too embarrassing and the specifics don't matter, but I was kind of like, kind of enmeshed in like a new vibe, a new project. And even I started to realize like, oh, this has become some weird attempt at regulation in this crazy world. But of course I didn't say that to anybody and Canada didn't say anything to me. And then at one point I was like, Hey, I think you should. you know, like, join me in this. There's a place, you know, where you can help or whatever. And it was so funny. You totally bottom lined it. And you were like, no, because you're being psycho, right? And it's funny, like, we can do that bottom lining with each other. But I think, and I really do want to do an episode on this, how it can help. I think we need to develop partnerships. where that is in play. I think sometimes you just need to be able to not do the acting like we're strangers living together routine, you know, subtle hints and kind of passive aggressive comments and things. And sometimes you just need to be able to say what you said to me, which is, no, 'cause you're kind of being psycho. And the minute you said it, I realized like, yeah, I'm kind of doing this thing in this weird way with this weird intensity. Well, you, you kind of said this about, you know, your vibe with, with some things. I ended up, I had this spark of being offended, but then I was like, yes, I'm being completely psycho. Like, why am I doing this? Why am I clouding an already full life with this weird kind of thing? Um, And now I'm trying to see like if Canaan wants to help and there's no grand conclusion or grand reason, it was just a kind of busy making discernment clouding sort of thing. So yeah, give yourself permission to lovingly bottom line sometimes with that good friend, with that partner. So I know you have a worth the time to show this week.
00:23:35 Caanan
Yeah, I'm going to go way back to the beginning of 2025 for my worth the time, but it's very pertinent. And that is the show, The Pit.
00:23:49 Kent
The crowd roars.
00:23:51 Caanan
I think it's our favorite show of the year, like officially on our top 10 list. Is that right?
00:23:58 Kent
It's up there.
00:24:00 Caanan
It's up there, if not top.
00:24:00 Kent
I know where you're going with this.
00:24:02 Caanan
Yeah, because it actually relates to the topic of this podcast because The Pitt. in its brilliance is one of the, it's a very kind of difficult watch because it feels like the entertainment equivalent of being dysregulated and being in the middle of chaos and anxiety. And it's a lot, but it's so well done. And what I wanted to say about it is that I can't believe medical professionals have to have the clarity and discernment amidst the kind of chaos in which they work.
00:24:40 Kent
Yeah, it's funny. It's interesting. You're almost saying this like, watch this show, be happy that you're hopefully among the 95% of people who don't have to have discernment in a chaotic environment.
00:24:55 Caanan
Yes.
00:24:56 Kent
And then go and do discernment. the completely regulated and healthy, calm way.
00:25:02 Caanan
Yes. And if you're listening to this and you're a medical professional, specifically in the US, because I know our systems are so crazy, thank you. And thank you for whatever you're doing to exercise discernment in this environment. We appreciate you. And I hope your hospital or whatever is not as bad as the pit, because good Lord.
00:25:28 Kent
And for the rest of you, normies like us, watch The Pitt.
00:25:32 Caanan
Watch The PItt.