Why Are We Loyal To Things That Don’t Serve Us? – Why Are We Still Doing That?
No Vacation Required
Breaking the Cycle: Embracing a Free Agent Mindset
Why are we still being universally loyal to jobs that don't inspire us and companies that treat us like numbers? We dive into the psychology of blind loyalty, exploring how fear of change and "FOMO" keep us stuck in programs and professions that no longer reward us. We challenge the "quaint" idea of corporate loyalty in the era of late stage capitalism, offering a roadmap for transitioning from a mindless participant to an empowered free agent.
From auditing your streaming services to navigating the "social engineering" of airline elite status, this episode provides a guide for bringing mindfulness to your commitments. Whether you are dealing with the aftermath of a layoff or simply feeling drained by a one sided relationship, learn how to accurately recognize your motivations and align your actions with what truly matters.
Onward and Inward,
SUPPORT NO VACATION REQUIRED:
If this episode helped you decide to go free agent, please leave a review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube! It is the best way to help our message reach more people.
Subscribe: Never miss an episode by hitting the follow button on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts
Follow us on Instagram
CHAPTERS:
(00:00) The high cost of blind loyalty
(00:42) Mind Share: Finding gratitude during a government shutdown
(02:10) Late stage capitalism and the decline of earned loyalty
(03:18) The Travel Trap: When elite status stops delivering
(07:53) Social Engineering: The "pre boarding" illusion
(08:53) The Corporate Reality: Identity, layoffs, and the "marketing" of handbooks
(14:52) Practicing the Free Agent Mindset in daily life
(15:46) The Loyalty Audit: Streaming services and mindless autopilot
(21:07) Worth the Time: Concept albums and brutal breakup music
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
The Free Agent Mentality: Adopting a "free agent" mindset is about being mindful and recognizing when a program, job, or relationship is no longer serving your best interests.
Audit Your Commitments: Regularly perform a "mindfulness audit" on your spending and benefits to ensure you aren't staying loyal simply because of marketing or the "idea" of a service.
Corporate Realism: Understand that modern corporations are beholden to shareholders and often cannot be loyal to individuals; bring this awareness to your career to avoid being blindsided by industry shifts.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Album: West End Girl by Lily Allen
YouFinder Personality and Strengths Assessment
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Kent
Why are we still being universally loyal? To jobs that don't inspire us, to programs that barely reward us, to companies that treat us like numbers. Often it's fear holding us back, fear of change, fear of missing out, fear of stepping into uncertainty. But blind loyalty keeps us stuck, limits our options, and steals time we could be using to pursue what truly matters. Today, we're talking about breaking that cycle and stepping into a free agent mindset.
Caanan
It's time for mindshare. So Kent, what's on your mind?
Kent
Gratitude is on my mind as we enter the season of gratitude and the holiday season, thinking about this terrible government shutdown, people being stripped of food security benefits, healthcare being messed with. It's absolutely unthinkable. So I know something we can do other than just trying to help in general, as we always try to do, is being more grateful. So I've been inventorying experiences that we've had this year that have been really good and wanting to be sure to give thanks and show gratitude to those people who've given us great service, who we've had great interactions with. I think just being grateful is a way to kind of help combat some of this and to create a nicer, more understanding, more empathetic world.
Caanan
I love that. And also, let's be grateful for what we have and recognize if we are not among people who are struggling to eat right now, that we find ways to ease that burden for the people who are. So I love this topic, why are we being loyal? I feel like this is something you and I can talk a lot about. And I'll throw out the word late stage capitalism, but let me just say that I feel like there are not a lot of companies and places that deserve our loyalty anymore, that aren't earning our loyalty. And I know that's a heavy statement, but you and I have used loyalty programs and been very loyal throughout our lives. And we've used those programs and our loyalty to our benefit. We're loyal people, but that ship has kind of sailed in many ways. And we'll talk about really important areas where our loyalty is no longer deserved. But Let's start with something a little more fun, like travel. Something a little lighter.
Kent
Yeah, well, we used to be so loyal in the travel sphere. And to be fair, too, I think this is a podcast that's kind of recording history to an episode, because programs used to be a lot more worthy of loyalty. And I think as you and I have recognized, like, wow, all these people are still on this intense loyalty bus, but the reasons to be intensely loyal are not there anymore. So I think of, up until a couple years ago, a few years ago, we were so loyal to the airlines in the early days of gaining elite status and whatever. One of the big promises is upgrades. And it's a lot of marketing since the beginning of time, but those used to materialize, not infrequently. But then, and that's just one example, there came a time when, like, wait a minute, we're like sometimes spending more to be loyal to this airline, and we're not even getting, we haven't gotten an upgrade in eight months. So just sort of waking up and realizing like, wait a minute, these are all the promises. This is the extra money that we're actually spending to stay loyal to this airline or this hotel. And now they're not delivering on any of these promises. So our loyalty is costing us. And I think of all the hotel stuff.
Caanan
Yeah, I think about the, there's the, The program's no longer delivering on their promise. And then there's also just the promise gets weaker and weaker and weaker. But you've been loyal for so long. You have elite status or you're platinum or whatever jewel tone they want to call you. The promise, the value proposition starts to disappear, but you're not always paying attention to how sort of meager the offering is you're so focused on maintaining or growing your status. So with hotels, you're right. I think about all the times where we have, we've stayed at a hotel because we have some sort of elite level status and the benefits that are afforded that. And so the value his seem to be there.
Kent
Gotta get those nights.
Caanan
Right. So they're, these are, these are situations where they're telling you, get free breakfast or you get a third night free or you get whatever benefit. And so we're, we're trying to capture those benefits, but the service has gone down so much that when you actually go to exercise the benefits, like, you know, we have breakfast one morning and then you're charged for it and you go to the front desk and you say, this is part of my elite benefit. And you get this attitude, like you're trying to game the system or you're like you're a crook or something.
Kent
Like you're being an annoyance.
Caanan
Yeah, like you're bothering them by trying to, you know, exercise the benefits they are getting your business with their marketing.
Kent
So this also has to do a lot with service deterioration. Yeah, true. But yeah. So why are we still doing this? Why are we still being loyal when we shouldn't be? I definitely think, like we said in the opening, fear of change, huge fear of missing out. Like, They design these programs so that they're less worthy. And you see people have these benefits and you want these benefits too. And also there's a little bit of fear in that uncertainty. Like there's like comfort in knowing what you're going to get from a particular airline or hotel brand. And you think, I've gotten kind of tied into these comforts, but they don't really mean anything. So that's all the stuff we're going to get into more here.
Caanan
Wait, I have to say something about comforts that don't mean anything, because since we're talking about airlines, a perfect example of this is early boarding or boarding ahead of the large group as a benefit of your status or the term pre-boarding, which drives me crazy because There's no such thing as pre-boarding, it's all just boarding the plane. But that experience of not having that benefit and being one of the last people to get on the plane, there's a perfect example of something that's sort of a meager benefit and that has been degraded over time, but is a powerful, it keeps you in the program because it feels so bad to be on the outside, to be standing by while everybody else gets on the plane. It's such a stupid thing. It's pretty meaningless, but it's a perfect example of how they use the sort of social engineering to keep you interested in a program that isn't really delivering much benefit anymore.
Kent
For sure. It has to be said too, as we've talked about in at least one recent episode with all these layoffs happening. For instance, here in Seattle, we have all these qualified people in tech with these huge companies just getting eliminated. But there's a sea of people, huge qualifications. They're completely blindsided because they've signed up for the long haul or they thought they did with these companies and they're feeling completely adrift. And they should be because companies know exactly how to endear you to them. They get you attached in late stage capitalism to all the enticements that they offer. And I think of a friend who we talked with a few years ago and was seeing the writing on the wall. And then recently was laid off and just described himself as, basically a complete mess because of what it does to you psychologically, as we talk about in nearly every episode, right?
Caanan
Yeah.
Kent
Your identity, most people's identity is tied to the work they do.
Caanan
Yeah, it's really, it was really painful to see this friend of ours go through a layoff because he had given decades to his company. And he was really bought in to the company mission, to their stated mission and their whole social impact statement. And he was extraordinary at his job. This is a guy with a lot of heart who gave a lot of himself to a company. But when the rubber hit the road, or I should say the dollars were on the table, he was unceremoniously let go. And it made me think, and you and I, Kent, were talking about how loyalty to a company, you know, there's still something kind of nice about that idea. It's a little quaint, but in reality, I'll throw out the word late stage capitalism again, A company cannot be loyal to you. Like the way our society is structured with companies address being beholden to shareholders and the way the market works, they just can't be loyal to you. I'm not forgiving corporations for being soulless. I think it's awful, but that's the way things are structured now. So there's an example of a situation where we have kind of this quaint idea of being loyal to an employer and not realizing that employer isn't going to be loyal to you. And in fact, they can't even be loyal to you. So what are we doing?
Kent
Yeah, and there's a way, I feel like this is something we get into all the time. There's a way where you can buy in, enjoy your, we need to make money to function in the world. So we definitely don't want to be too doom and gloom, but there's a way that you can hold on to that reality while you're still enjoying the benefits and the employment you have. Because in the work we do, we're always telling people, you should never be surprised when you're terminated or laid off or when your company's acquired, because this is the real world. Everything that you're being sold in that employee handbook or on the job rack, that's all marketing. That's all, I'll say the word a third time or a fourth time, late stage capitalism at work. So it isn't doom and gloom, don't work for a company, what are we all to do, but it is really get clear on who the company's looking out for. And if not you as the individual employee, they just know how to make that enticing. So always bring that awareness and then you can have it both ways. Because seeing people shocked and devastated by a layoff is the most disheartening thing and we see a lot of it.
Caanan
Yeah, I like what you're saying here because this isn't such an important point because we're not peddling cynicism or being heartless and cold within your company because any day you could be let go. We're saying you have to be mindful about the reality of the situation. So you can continue to promote the company mission. You can enjoy the culture of the company. You can be an active participant in all of that and making it a great place to work. But you're never forgetting the reality of this situation. And I feel like this ties into what we were talking about with travel, that it's not about not exploiting or enjoying diversity programs and the like, but about being mindful.
Kent
Yeah, I think you and I have, I mean, this is why we started our No Vacation Required Life, kind of having our eyes opened to some of the things that have happened to us in corporations. But I will say very specifically in these last few years, as we've gone, as we so proudly say, free agent with loyalty brands, the airlines, etc., we've learned that this is where it really starts. Because if you can keep a free agent mindset with your airline or the airlines and hotels and grocery stores, then you're just practicing being free agent in a larger sense. So how do we stop being loyal when it's not serving us or when we're actually suffering because of it? We got into a bit of the corporate stuff in the last segment, and we'll have a lot more to say about that in future episodes. But something we've been talking about recently is how oftentimes, because companies are so good at this, your kind of mindlessness around things leads to a loyalty. that you don't even intend to have. So for instance, we've talked for the last couple of years about streaming services and the audits that people are doing when they realize like, wait, I'm signed up for seven streaming services and I don't watch anything pretty much on all of these services. So they do an audit and they realize all this loyalty they've been given to, giving to HBO, Apple, Peacock, Paramount, Hulu, because of a lack of mindfulness. So what we try to do is bring a mindfulness to the decisions we make, to where we spend our money. Do they treat people well? What are they all about? To the streaming services we sign up for, are we going to actually live up to this auto pay monthly thing? Are we going to be able to set this on autopilot or do we not want to get into this because we're not going to watch any shows? So bringing a mindfulness and an intention is so effective. And then you don't find yourself often thinking, no, why have we been so loyal when we're not even using this or we're getting nothing back or they're just taking advantage of us?
Caanan
I think that's a great example, and I think it's great advice, this A, mindfulness, and B, audit. And I would say, bring that mindfulness and that audit mentality to anything you've been giving your loyalty to that you haven't been specifically sort of considerate about, that you haven't paid close attention to. Because as we were saying earlier in the podcast, there are a lot of times where a simple audit of the benefits, whether they be perks that you're getting or in maybe even a relationship, what's being given to you for your loyalty have decreased over time or are no longer, maybe they're the same, but they're no longer being delivered well, or maybe they're the same and they no longer matter to you in the way that they did when you started when you signed up for something or when you got into that relationship or that program. So constantly auditing.
Kent
Yeah, don't undersell the idea of the marketing of things and the idea of things. And then you realize, oh, wait, I just like the idea of that in our relationship the other day, just the other day, Canaan said to me about this thing that I wouldn't shut up about. Like, I want to incorporate this. I want to incorporate this. And he finally basically said, do you just like the idea of that or do you really want to be doing that? And the minute he said it, I was like, 100%. I love the idea of that. 100%. I don't, you don't, we do not need to be bringing this into our world. And it was done. So I think, yeah, examining what marketing or what idea of something have I bought into? You know, people famously love the idea of seeing themselves a certain way and acting completely differently. And a lot of the work we do is getting people and teams to see themselves in the exact same way they act to bring those two pillars into alignment.
Caanan
Yeah. So to bring it back to this idea of being a free agent, just to make it painfully clear, like we recommend a free agent mentality across programs, in your work, in your relationships. I hope that doesn't sound cold, but It's about, as you said, Kent, accurately knowing yourself, accurately recognizing what your motivations are, why you're doing the things you're doing, what really matters to you, and then auditing the things that you're choosing to participate in constantly, because if you don't, you become loyal to something that is no longer serving you. And I can tell you that is not something that's going to make you feel great.
Kent
I think of recently friends said, okay, where do you guys want to go to dinner? And we're like, oh, we don't care. We're free agents. We're open to anything. I think just kind of like owning this idea, free agent, free agent, free agent, free agent. Then you start sort of living that way and talking to people in your circle that way, and suddenly you're like, oh, hey, I'm actually a free agent now. It's time for Worth the Time. Canon, what is worth our time this week? Anything in your queue you want to share?
Caanan
You know, I've got a couple things bubbling up, but nothing for this week. Do you have something?
Kent
I do. Something I've been very excited to share. We're both huge lovers of music. It's A formative part of our relationship. And we've talked lately so much about how just there's such a lack of fresh stuff. It seemed to be like we always used to be uncovering unusual, cool, interesting music that stretched our brains. So one of those albums has come along recently, and I just want to throw it out there. It's Lily Allen's album, West End Girl. It's called West End Girl.
Caanan
Yes. Oh, yeah.
Kent
It's you just have to listen to it. It's so creative. It's a breakup album.
Caanan
It's brutal. It's so listenable. It's so unlike anything out there.
Caanan
Okay, I actually have something to say on this because this is such a perfect worth the time. To your point about not finding great music, it's like we never find good albums, like full, like a full album. And this is like a concept album to a certain degree that you want to listen to in one setting from start to finish. And it tells a story through the music and it's impeccably done. And I also have to say that the musicality, as you said, it's very listenable, but it's brilliant how she uses like these different genres of music like Burt Bacharach and Krip Hop. And I mean, it's really is. It's so surprising how good this album is, and it just delights us every time we hear it. And we are listening to it all the time now.