It's Time to Disidentify From Our Roles
Kent R.
It looks like the economy is headed for a “soft landing” and that many people will be spared the lay-offs that the Fed policy is intended to drive. (I’m not an economist, so don’t @ me over that admittedly over-simplified statement). That’s cold comfort to the thousands who have been laid off, but it’s a better outcome than what many anticipated.
To that point, way back in the aughts, things didn’t go so smoothly. During “the Great Recession” – between 2007 and 2010 – the US lost 8.7 million jobs. Many of the people behind that cold statistic didn’t just lose their income, they lost a sense of being and purpose.
People lost their jobs – many after years of loyalty and excellent performance – and could no longer identify with the roles they once played. The inability to identify with a role (e.g. accountant, project manager, financial analyst, make-up artist, etc.) left people feeling adrift. It left them asking "who am I if I'm not a _____?" Especially in a capitalist society – one so role focused that we literally ask people to identify their role when we first meet ("What do you do?") and then determine their value based on their answer – people were trying to figure out what value they represented without their role.
Additionally, people felt cast away. They had been painfully disabused of the belief that, as long as you are loyal and play by the rules, your role is secure. They were left questioning why they had been loyal and if all of their hard work mattered at all.
You may not have been in the workforce in 2010, or you may not have been affected by the lay-offs back then, but post-pandemic, I’m certain you can relate.
Regardless of when and why these questions come up, they can be really painful. But, among all of the very real, very tangible struggle, there is a silver lining. These questions create a space and illuminate the importance of a different way of viewing one's self.
Quite simply: We are not the roles we play.
The very concept of disidentifying with your roles can be tough to grasp, so here are some answers to the two most foundational questions we get asked when discussing role disidentification.
What does it mean to disidentify with a role?
While it may be challenging in practice, the concept of disidentifying with your role is really simple. It comes down to two deceptively straightforward things:
Recognize that the roles we play are not who we are.
Instead of identifying with a role or title, identify with the strengths that are (ideally) expressed in the roles we play.
Why is it beneficial to disidentify with roles?
When you are identified with a role, you are essentially held hostage by that role. You believe that your value is tied to the position – "I am worthy because I am the household provider" or "I deserve respect because I am an executive VP". You may also not be able to separate your strengths and natural talents from the role. But neither of those things are true.
You are worthy and deserve respect because you are.
And your strengths are not tied to your role.
When you stop identifying with your role, you can recognize that your value is unrelated to your position and that, even if you were to stop playing a role (through choice or external force), your value never changes.
Additionally, once you realize that you are not the role you play, you lose the small-thinking “sense of self” you once carried and instead gain the freedom to explore your core strengths and the big picture you.
Disidentifying with your role doesn't mean that losing your job doesn't have a major impact. Those 8.7 million people who were out of work wouldn’t have found themselves overjoyed to have the free time simply because they didn’t identify with their roles. Of course not. But those who did feel like they lost themselves during that period might have better understood the fallacy in that belief.
There is a lot of power in that.
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