We have a long-term client who likes to joke that, for a decade, she was convinced her husband hated her. She then learned he’s an extrovert and she’s an introvert, dove into the details of what exactly that means, and let the decade of worry melt away.

I know. It’s actually not something to joke about. And she’ll say the same thing. That decade that she can (um, now) have a laugh over, contained some serious rough patches. Painful periods of disconnect during which both partners questioned what the hell was going on in their marriage and – at the lowest of points – why they were even married.

Kho Samui, Thailand. Photo Credit: No Vacation Required

But this kind of thing is quite common. In the work we do, we regularly work with clients who are struggling in a relationship with their spouse, parent, boss, etc. Clashes that, on the surface, seem very personal but that, in reality, usually aren’t personal at all. They’re about personality.

It’s tough out there.

It’s easy to believe that every tiny thing everyone does is unfairly and directly linked to something you did take things personally.

Differences in beliefs, backgrounds, and values, for instance, can spark the feeling that something very personal is at the root of a conflict. Misunderstandings, poor communication, heightened emotions, and 2024-levels of stress often serve to make matters worse.

Moreover, in today's political climate, these factors are intensified. Inequalities, political polarization, misinformation on social media, and anxiety from global events can make it harder to find common ground and resolve disputes.

But don’t let that demotivate you.

We’re all just being who we are.

We’re currently working with a corporate client who got derailed – in a very good way – by learning that he is an introvert. Suddenly, upon learning of his introverted nature, everything in his past makes sense. So, while our time together was intended to be forward-moving, he’s had to spend a lot of time looking back to make sense of how to best move forward.

And this, too, is not uncommon.

As we talk and write about often, most of us aren’t taught to learn about who we are at our core – our personality, our values, how we make sense of the world, etc. Once we have a handle on our own personality, we can make better sense of the decisions we’ve made and, more importantly, make empowered decisions going forward.

And they’re just being who they are.

The same goes for the other people in your sphere. They’re just going about their business, out in the aforementioned cruel world, likely not knowing what they or others are made of.

Wat Plai Laem, Kho Samui, Thailand. Photo Credit: No Vacation Required

We have this (mind-blowing-to-most) service, TwoForward, that helps two people understand each of their unique traits and preferences. Both people then learn how to use their new self-awareness to navigate and build a stronger connection with each other. We originally designed this service to help people be more effective in corporate environments. We’ve since expanded it to include people who want a better relationship with a romantic partner, friend, or family member.

Without fail, clients walk away with the understanding that a lot of their interpersonal struggles boil down to a lack of awareness of their own personality and that of the other(s) involved.

I’m being me, you’re being you. How can we coexist optimally?

It’s Personality.

Understanding personality is crucial for building strong relationships because it helps us connect more effectively with others and to not take things so darn personally. Here’s why it matters:

Enhanced Communication: Different personalities have different communication styles. Some people prefer direct and concise communication, while others appreciate more detailed and expressive conversations. When you understand these preferences, you can tailor your communication to be more effective. This reduces misunderstandings and fosters clearer, more meaningful interactions.
Effective Conflict Resolution: Personality awareness helps in anticipating and managing conflicts. For instance, if you know that one person values punctuality and another is more relaxed about time, you can set realistic expectations and find a compromise that respects both perspectives. This proactive approach can prevent conflicts from escalating and helps maintain harmony in relationships.
Greater Empathy and Understanding: Understanding different personality traits allows you to see things from others' perspectives, which fosters empathy. This deeper understanding strengthens emotional bonds, as people feel more valued and understood. Empathy is a cornerstone of strong relationships becasue it enables more supportive and caring interactions.
Improved Compatibility: Knowing personality types enhances compatibility by because it helps identify common interests, values, and goals. In personal relationships, this can mean finding shared hobbies or values that strengthen your bond. In professional settings, it can mean aligning team members' strengths and interests with their roles, leading to more effective and satisfying collaborations.
Personal Growth: Again, understanding personalities is not just about others; it’s also about self-awareness. Recognizing your own strengths and areas for improvement can lead to personal growth. This self-awareness can improve how you interact with others, making your relationships more effective and fulfilling.
Better Team Dynamics: In a professional environment, understanding the personalities of team members can improve collaboration and productivity. Leaders can assign tasks that align with individual strengths, creating a more cohesive and efficient team. Understanding team dynamics also helps in resolving conflicts and improving overall team morale.

It starts with you.

Make no mistake, you can learn all about others’ personalities, and some of them will just end up being jerks. But – most of the time – the understanding you bring when you understand personality will help you to realize that many bumps in the road can be written off to style difference. That is to say: personality differences.

Wat Ratchathammaram Red Temple, Kho Samui, Thailand. Photo Credit: No Vacation Required

So it starts with you. We are always saying (yes, another thing we are always saying) that the best investment you can make is the investment of time to know yourself. Do you know your personality? Do you know how your personality plays a significant role in the smoothness of your interpersonal relationships?

Here’s the TL;DR, strategically placed at the end for maximum engagement: If you want stronger, healthier relationships, start by understanding the role that personality plays in relationships with others and yourself.

Onward & Upward,