There’s a powerful scene in the movie Contact that I think about a lot.

Dr. Ellie Arroway, played by Jodi Foster, is strapped into a seat aboard a futuristic spacecraft. The spacecraft was built using specifications communicated by extraterrestrial intelligence. However, the seat Ellie is strapped into wasn’t part of the original specs. Engineers, believing they knew better than Ellie and the alien intelligence, added the seat to protect Ellie on her journey.

I promise this is going somewhere!

As Ellie hurtles through space, the seat starts to violently shake. In that moment, Ellie instinctively realizes that the very seat designed to protect her is now threatening her survival. She quickly unstraps herself, and as she does, the seat breaks free and, moments later, shatters against the wall of the spacecraft. Ellie, now free from the constraints of the seat, floats calmly and safely.

Gem Lake, Alpine Lakes Wilderness, Washington. Photo Credit: No Vacation Required

To me, this scene serves as a metaphor for the limitations we impose on ourselves and that society imposes on us. These limitations, much like the seat in the spacecraft, often run counter to what we instinctually know to be correct. They are also generally intended to “protect” us. But what if the threat they’re designed to protect us from is nonexistent, or worse, the constraints themselves cause harm?

You Have Many Roles, But There Is Only One You

We all play various roles in life – employee, parent, sibling, friend. These roles can be fulfilling and bring structure. But when we overidentify with these roles, they can become harmful. We might become so invested in one or two roles that we lose sight of our own expansiveness. Then, as often happens, something disturbs that role.

You lose the job.
The kids leave the house.
You get a divorce.

The thing you have built your entire sense of self around – the thing you’ve made your whole personality – ceases to exist or has changed. Now who are you?

Removing the Guardrails

Overidentifying with a role is damaging enough, but there’s an even more concerning element to role identification: expectations for how you’re supposed to perform these roles.

This is what mother looks like.
This is what masculine looks like.
This is what successful looks like.
This is what non-binary looks like.
This is what contrarian looks like.

Those last few are examples of just how silly the guardrails can get. For instance, Gen Z pushing back against the hyper-curated Instagram aesthetic of Millennials, but with very particular ideas about what “un-curated” looks like 😂.

Snoqualmie Pass, Washington. Photo Credit: No Vacation Required

The truth is, many people have ideas about who you should be and how you should perform your different roles. Often, these ideas are rooted in good intentions. Sometimes they’re not; they are meant to stifle creative expression and individuality. But regardless of the intent, guardrails placed on your self-expression or sense of self are limiting. They keep you from achieving a greater level of fulfillment and from fully becoming who you are meant to be.

Embrace the Freedom to Be Yourself

Ellie’s survival in Contact depended on her ability to unstrap herself from a seat that wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place. Similarly, your growth and fulfillment depend on your ability to not over-identify with specific roles and remove the unnecessary limitations placed on your identity. The more you free yourself from these arbitrary rules, the more you can explore the vastness of who you are.

Snow Lake, Alpine Lakes Wilderness, Washington. Photo Credit: No Vacation Required

Here’s a thought starter… Warning: It’s one of those easy-to-learn, difficult-to-master things – like chess or homemade fettuccini alfredo.

To determine if something is authentic or a constraint like that damn chair I won’t stop talking about, ask yourself this question:

Does this align with my strengths and values?

If you can answer the question, you can move forward confidently. And if you can’t, the work you do to find an answer will point you in the right direction.

Onward & Upward,