You’re Overthinking Passion – Everyday Fulfillment
No Vacation Required
Can we get honest about the whole “find your passion” thing for a minute?
We were sitting down looking at the questions coming in after our personality series, and we noticed a pattern. So many of you are stressing yourselves out trying to find get to the “point of all this personality work” as if the work itself isn’t inherently valuable. But it’s not just the people who get in touch, everyone seems to be searching for that one magical, burning purpose that’s supposed to fix everything.
Aren’t you a little exhausted by it?
So, we decided to kick off a brand-new four-pack by flipping the script. What if knowing who you are isn’t about hunting down some elusive passion, but just, you know, knowing yourself… Full stop?
Onward and Inward,
COMMON QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE
❓ Is finding your passion a prerequisite to being fulfilled? No. Our cultural obsession with finding a singular passion often keeps people stuck. Fulfillment doesn't require a grand life purpose; you can live a deeply satisfying life simply by figuring things out as you go.
❓ How does knowing your personality help you discover your passion? Understanding your personality acts as a shortcut. It helps you iron out maladaptive assumptions about what actually motivates you, dropping you right onto the superhighway of aligning your strengths and values.
❓ Why do our assumptions about motivation often mislead us ? We frequently hold maladaptive ideas about what fires us up – such as mistaking temporary drivers like anger for true motivation. These false assumptions obscure the real path to discovering what we genuinely care about.
❓ Does passion have to be the ultimate end goal? Not at all. Culture fetishizes passion and makes you feel broken if you haven't found it. Passion naturally arises when you align your strengths and values with different aspects of your life, rather than being something you have to hunt down.
❓ What if I just want to figure things out as I go? That is completely okay. You can use personality knowledge and self-discovery to navigate life curiously without the pressure of chasing a grand, overarching passion.
CHAPTERS
(00:02) Mind Share: Taking time back
(04:03) Introducing the four-part series on passion
(06:21) How personality insights can change your self-understanding
(08:27) Caanan reconsiders anger as a source of motivation
(11:46) How assumptions about personality can mislead us
(14:11) What maladaptive ideas about motivation can obscure
(16:25) Personality, strengths, values, and the path to passion
(18:32) Why passion doesn't have to be the end goal
(20:08) Using personality knowledge without chasing a grand purpose
(24:25) Mailbag: “What if I just want to figure it out as I go?”
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TRANSCRIPT
NVR Podcast 321Kent (00:02)
This week we're starting a new four pack all about passion. Find out why all our talk about personality matters. Also find out our thoughts on taking back time and at the very end, what made Caanan say, "Oh honey, that's your personality."
I've got a mind share. Okay. Can I share what's on my mind? Please. So I can remember
Caanan (00:22)
Okay.
Kent (00:26)
when it was I think it's been a couple of times we've talked about taking back your time.
yeah.
And how for us
leaning back into taking the time to cook, taking the time to be bored, sitting and not scrolling, taking the time to walk to the store, not drive to the store, has been life-changing. Yeah. And a huge part of of our version of an education required life through
All of its iterations and uh all of its forms, I'd say honoring of time has been right, like one of the most important things.
Caanan (01:13)
yeah.
Kent (01:13)
So I'm just reading an article saying that there's only one kind of purchase that can increase your happiness, and that is the purchase of time saving things. So this
oh, God.
This article was doing some good and some bad good and saying like life is short, do what you want to do, make more time to do what you want to do. but I think it missed the mark when it was...
I think I can't remember exactly, but advocating for food delivery and things that give you more time to do what you want to do. But yeah.
Caanan (01:49)
I'm gonna break out in hives.
Kent (01:50)
Yeah,
I was just curious because this is a fundamental thing you and I believe. We've just been so conditioned by what we see to think that cooking is a waste of time, to think that walking the six blocks to the store is such a waste of time when you can drive there and then get back and have more time for work. So it was really super disappointing to see this, but also exciting to see that, you know.
Obviously time is where it's at. What you really want is time. Other things don't really make you happy.
Caanan (02:22)
Yeah. that basic premise, although incorrectly taken from there, the basic premise that time equals fulfillment is true. That's what we talk about a lot. But you know what, when I hear those things, I start to feel like they're part of this culture of keeping you just wrapped up in capitalism.
it's a just snake oil pay more to have more time. We all know it doesn't work. Ordering
Kent (02:53)
Yeah.
Caanan (02:55)
food for delivery does not actually make you feel like you have more time on your hands.
And in fact, and this is something we've talked about before, it's just very expensive to buy your time back in these ways, which keeps you in this cycle of having to work more or strive more or earn more in order to do these very things that are supposed to give you more time. And it's just a vicious cycle. So I love that you brought that up. It's right, time does equal fulfillment to a certain degree, but man, that is way off the mark.
Kent (03:32)
If you find our conversations helpful, we'd really love it if you took a second to subscribe. And if you're watching this on YouTube, give us a like or a share or put your thoughts in the comments. We appreciate it.
I'm gonna say it again, and that is I'm very excited about this four pack.
Caanan (03:52)
That's how we start every four pack. And it's not incorrect.
Kent (03:55)
Through all the four packs we did in recent months on personality, we got a lot of inquiries and a lot of questions. And the of course there were so many good questions, many of those we shared in episodes within the different personality series. But there was a a little bit of a
why does this matter so much theme? I I can see how it helps me operate more clearly, but what is the motivation you guys had for
leaning in to personality, making that your legacy work? And it all comes down to the topic of this four pack, of which this is the first episode. And that is passion, people's obsession with passion. And of course it comes up in the last version of the work we did, highly focused on career and work group, where
you've gotta have this passion for what you're doing and passion, passion, passion. We talk about this in No Vacation Required the book. that the word passion is thrown around like it's this easy thing to grab and and and haven't you found yours? And this is what mine is. It came to me over a sunset and whatever. So we're gonna be talking a lot about passion in the coming four weeks.
But we just wanted to start by saying that the main reason we're excited about this four-pack is yeah, so what? Okay, all this about personality. Yeah. I know it's making me operate more clearly. And lots of people have said, you know, I knew I was a blank and I I knew this and I knew that and all this. People want more of a link to an outcome. And this
Important. Yes. So this is bringing me to again our book, No Vacation Required, where we talk about passion. And a key part of passion is just knowing where you're at in the different aspects of your life, knowing who you are, which is what determining your personality is all about. And I remember, you know, just the things that that clicked when
I really understood my own personality and some of these things we talked about in previous episodes, thinking I was I love remembering this. I will laugh about it privately, just walking down the street, thinking I was a great thinker and uh I should be a lawyer. I I talked about this very recently.
Caanan (06:28)
And feeling like you had to be that person.
Kent (06:30)
Yeah, and then realizing the reason I'm a great thinker is because it's not it's not a top attribute. And I'm only thinking a lot because I think I should, and because it actually then takes a lot of time because it's not where I'm most fluid. So the the aha's, the early ajas that blow up your
brain and get you started on this journey are huge. And Caanan, the other thing I shouldn't say I laugh about this because there's a very serious side to it, because we can laugh about it now. But is when you know you used to be in all your happiness and positivity for tough projects or big goals or go get 'em kinds of things. You used to know deep down
That you were
Motivated by anger. Yes, yes. That
Caanan (07:28)
Okay.
Kent (07:28)
you were motivated by anger, you having your own series of aha's unlocking your personality and tell the people how this clicked with you. Well
Caanan (07:42)
I I think it's totally fine to laugh about this. I laugh about this, and we should feel comfortable laughing about everything because when it all comes out in the wash, it's all pretty funny. But yeah, I was very seriously I felt very strongly that I was chiefly motivated by anger. And you know, as Solange says, I got a lot to be mad about. You know, I've got a lot in my past that
makes me angry or had made me a angry and feel like the way to process that anger was to make it my whole personality and I was going to be this person who transmuted anger into motivation.
Kent (08:24)
This
is how this is how, Kent, I'm going to tap into this energy, and this is how I'm going to find the motivation to succeed at the marathon. That kind of stuff.
Caanan (08:34)
Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. I was the person who would, hit a new goal on the stair mill by tapping into how angry I was at, you know, bullies in high school. it worked, but ultimately it didn't feel very good. it never felt like it fit
Totally right. But it did feel like an appropriate way to process and employ my anger. And I do think before we get on that there is a space for that. There is a way to use your anger in a healthy way. Yeah. So I'm not trying to say that's not the case. But we had a moment after doing a lot of this personality work where
I can't even remember why this came up, Kent, but you pointed out to me. You said, and it's like one of these moments that sticks in my brain because I could see everything change after you said it. In that moment, you said, I don't think you're motivated by anger.
Kent (09:34)
Yeah.
Caanan (09:35)
I think you're a passionate person. Yeah. And I think you're motivated by values. Yeah. And I was like, oh.
Okay, that feels better. Feels right.
Kent (09:46)
You were
you were like please stare at my face while all the pieces fall into alignment and in about ninety seconds you will see my freshly reorganized face and how comfortable I am with the truth that you Kent just spoke
Caanan (10:10)
And it was like, bring me to my knees thing because it fit so well and it aligns perfectly with my personality, this values alignment, this concern, deep concern for justice. But I couldn't see
I couldn't see that alignment in any other way than I motivated by anger. And so it just I just needed somebody to break the schema for me and everything changed.
Kent (10:45)
Okay, so you see the common theme here. When we're left to our own untrained devices, we do what we do and we make these assumptions. And this is what's funny about these personal situations we've shared and what we've seen so much in
Clients and loved ones, I just had a moment there where all of the interactions we've had came flooding back to me. You know, we're like popping the proverbial peanuts in our mouth and saying, no, that that's not whatever. No, that's your you're this personality type. So that's more this and the person being like, oh.
Caanan (11:28)
Right.
Kent (11:28)
That is so right. I don't know how it's so right because I've been looking this other way so much. And I and I think about, you know, me using my
Limited tools at the time and thinking, I spend a lot of time thinking. Okay, I need to do something thinking-oriented. Or Caanan thinking that in times of strife or challenge, okay, well, I tend to think of things that have hurt me and
Use those as motivators. Okay. I'm yeah, like you said, I'm building my whole personality. So you see how it's just like anything else, you know, left to our devices. You're probably gonna make assumptions and oftentimes those assumptions are wrong. And the question becomes, okay, so how does this then lead to passion?
Caanan (12:28)
You know the word that just popped into my mind? This is a good one. Maladaptive. It's like a maladaptive personality. It's not bad. You're not totally wrong, but you just don't you don't have it right. And so
Kent (12:42)
Yes.
Caanan (12:44)
it's not working for you as it will when it's right. And that's what this has to do with passion. That's what personality has to do with passion. Yeah. Because
If you know your personality and you can iron out some of these potentially maladaptive ideas you have about your personality and about what motivates you and about what fires you up and about how you go about finding passion,
Kent (13:16)
Yeah.
Caanan (13:17)
you're much more likely to get there instead of
having these again maladaptive ideas that can in some ways block you or at least make it a lot harder to find this elusive idea of passion.
Kent (13:32)
Yeah,
I don't wanna derail this. It's like I'm sitting here keeping track of all the things that we've said that should be full podcast episodes, as I always do again. And you just blew my mind when you use the word maladaptive. That is such a good way to put it because I don't wanna get too much into this because it it really is a whole different episode, but
Caanan having some medical woes lately and going to the doctor for one of them and being like, well, this is what I've been doing to deal with that what X thing after two years. That seems healthy. And the the doctor's like, well, yeah, that's not bad. I mean, yeah, you needed to do something, but you're looking at this wrong. You're trying to solve this by doing this, which again isn't bad. It got you here today, but
Now that I'm going to tell you what's actually going on, you're going to see Caanan, the solution I have is much better. So when you use the word maladaptive, I was like, that's so right. It's just like we do with medical things where this is happening. I'm going to take care of it this way. And I'm getting a weird kind of satisfaction thinking I'm really showing that.
blank who's boss, right? And the doctor's like, well, no, I mean wouldn't say it's bad, you know, but
Caanan (14:55)
But
Kent (14:56)
here, let me give you the info behind what's happening and how I'm going to encourage you to take care of this in a way that is not maladaptive. Yeah.
So that's the big thing that we wanted to hit home because it's so important to so many people. okay, you've given me this great tool and encouragement in these months and months of personality four packs. And I get that it can help and it is helping, but I need to have sort of a a North Star. yeah, so as we say, passion doesn't just appear out of thin air.
It arises when you align your strengths and values with different aspects of your life. And to do this, you need to first put in the work. Yeah.
Caanan (15:47)
That's from our book.
Kent (15:48)
Yep. It's from our book. And by work we mean knowing your strengths and values. And a lot of that's determined from determining your personality type is a big part of that. And a whole other component of fully grasping all
Of the elements of your life. So in a way we look at it like you figure out your personality and you're as we shared in our examples, dropped into the super highway of passion, whether you're ready or not. And sometimes you're not totally ready because you realize, oh wow.
What I thought is wrong, but this feels so right, but I feel a little bit unmoored because this is new information. So it can be a very exciting validating thing. I know it was for us and I know it is for so many of our clients.
Caanan (16:44)
but you're right, it it can be unsettling too. And I think that's good to know going in that that's a normal feeling to have things that you thought you had figured out, especially things that you believe you have figured out that are actually quasi-healthy, kind of working, doing okay, right? And then learning that those things are in fact not the best approach, not your authentic personality type, not type aligned
ways of moving through the world. So that is a little destabilizing, but it's a good destabilizing. And as we wrap up, I want to just say, you know, we're talking about passion for these four episodes. And we're gonna get into this a little bit more, but I'm gonna kinda spoil the surprise. I want people to not feel like passion is the end all be all.
Because as you said, Kent in the opening, we totally fetishize passion in our culture. Yeah. Like it is this thing. If you you have to find it, if you don't find it, you're broken. You spend your whole life trying to find it. it's pretty skewed toward this idea of passion. Yeah. So I just want to say, as we get into this and wrap this one up, that
We're not going to be telling you passion is the end all be all. In fact, we're going to break that concept down altogether because i it just isn't.
Kent (18:19)
Yeah, it's so interesting you brought that up. This is an indication of how authentic we try to keep these conversations. That very topic is what this week's mailbag is about, which we'll be getting to in a second. but what I wanted to say here before we close is in direct alignment with that, which is
You can use this knowledge however you want to. And by this knowledge I mean the knowledge of who you are, your personality, figuring out you, as we say. And I think of something that we do, uh, and of course we're deep in advocates for this, but even just this simple process of what we do before starting something new or, you know, pondering pondering anything.
We always ask, okay, does it align with my personality type or your personality type or our personality type? So there doesn't have to be some big grand thing all this is building to. And now I have to find a passion. And even you know, ah no, there's ways that you can chip away and learn more about yourself and put it to useful, meaningful work that
really graze up against passion, but it doesn't have to be this all in passion project.
So the mailbag which I'm in charge of this week, and I promised that it aligned with something that you just said. There were actually two emails, so I'll just kind of I'll bring up the idea. one kind of put it sort funnily, like after our personality four packs saying
But I'm neurotic. What what if I just want to stumble? What if what if part of the joy I find in life is sort of just stumbling through and the joy of figuring it out as we go along? And I know, Caanan, this is something that you brought up again. We were starting to ideate this four pack a couple of weeks ago.
And you just said to me, you know, whatever we do, we're so kind of dialed in on this topic and we have a plan and we're so used to helping people. You said, Kent we just have to make it clear that there's always uh or not, you know. And and I just want to take this moment because you brought that up in our pre-production.
And we got these couple of emails, and well, honestly, in our client work these couple of decades, it comes up. We want to make it clear that yes, that nothing we talk about or nothing in life has to be something that has to build to some great conclusion a passion or a perfect life or a no vacation required life or whatever. But we see the value. Yeah.
in these things. As a as I said in an episode, fairly recently, that was saying, but then if you know your personality, then you know too much about yourself and it makes you obsessed with the self. And then you're always perfecting. And how awful is that? That's like a a mental jail. No, no. we want you to have that passion. We want you to have your version of a no vacation required life. Even in that
Realm, we just want you to use these tools to make things easier. And in our experience, and in that of I I can't think of anybody who it hasn't, it just makes things easier and lighter. It makes you in your head less. So to the person, the people who wrote in, yes, do whatever, but yes.
Using these these tools will also help you and you can still keep that lightness and sense of curiosity and not wanting to have it all figured out as you navigate the path. Caanan, I know you have something to say.
Caanan (22:43)
I just have one thing to say, and that is I chuckled to myself quietly because I didn't want to interrupt your great speech there. But this idea of what if I don't want to learn about my personality? What if I just want to figure it out as I go? Honey, that's your personality.
Kent (23:00)
Hmm.
Caanan (23:01)
So go ahead and learn about your personality, and then you can continue to figure it out as you go, because that's your personality.
Kent (23:08)
That is like the most brilliant thing I've ever heard. That's exactly right. Why why did I have to put two hundred and five words to put the right amount of words in it? No, that's right. that's but that's the right take. Like, look at that personality emerging. Right. that's so perfect.