The other day we were telling a friend about how we’re writing the No Vacation Required book. Unable to provide the full framework we’ve developed to explain one of the central tenets of our No Vacation Required philosophy, I found myself sharing a childhood experience that felt like an apt metaphor.

A Fallow Orchard

Behind my childhood home, on the eastern edge of the Willamette Valley, was a fallow orchard. At some point in the past, neat rows of filbert trees (hazelnuts for non-Oregonions) had been cultivated. Later, the orchard was abandoned to make room for an unremarkable neighborhood of 1970’s tract homes.

So, long before I made it my “magical” hiding place, this orchard was a testament to human control over nature: a forest tamed. But when the orchard was abandoned, the land began to reclaim itself.

Sitting in the dense woods – my respite from a small house, small town, and small thinking – I marveled at how nature could quietly unravel the carefully crafted order. Ferns blanketed the forest floor. Native trees and shrubs disrupted the symmetry. And the filberts remained, unruly but all lined up, creating something of an optical illusion when seen from certain angles.

I didn’t have the language for it at the time, but I found a lot of comfort in the dichotomy: the traces of imposed order and the natural beauty breaking through.

Mt. Hood, Oregon. Photo Credit: No Vacation Required

Letting Go of Control

Kent and I know a little something about allowing our authentic selves to emerge among rigid structures and social constructs. Like many people who are “different” in their youth, this was self-preservation – being ourselves meant resisting pressures to fit expectations, traditions, or societal norms. As adults, now with full agency, we continually push back against the pressure to fit our extraordinary lives into the neat rows that have been established.

TIP: Recognize the societal, cultural, or self-imposed beliefs that shape your actions and decisions. Question their validity and whether they align with your true values.

Many people fear that eschewing the imposed order will result in chaos – that unrelenting control and conformity are necessary to keep things in order. They establish a false binary: raze the orchard and be completely wild or aggressively fight their true nature.

It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

For example, the filbert trees didn’t disappear; they became part of a more diverse, vibrant ecosystem. Similarly, when we let go of societal expectations and self-imposed rigidity, we don’t become chaos agents. Instead, we blend our experiences, values, strengths, and personality into a fuller (and more fulfilled) authentic self.

TIP: Constraints often come from outside pressures or obligations. Establish clear boundaries with others and yourself to protect your time, energy, and mental space. This will help you prioritize your needs and desires, giving you the freedom to explore who you are without constantly catering to external demands.

The Beauty of Imperfection

Our imperfections, deviations from the norm, and unique qualities are not aspects of ourselves that need to be contained. Instead, they create something beautiful – an asymmetric, sometimes messy, and deeply resonant natural order.

Allowing ourselves to break free from rigid structures doesn’t mean rejecting all order or social norms. Being your authentic self can be disruptive (that’s a good thing!) but it doesn’t make you an anarchist. It is fully possible to integrate who we are – our personalities, our strengths, our past experiences – into the larger structure. That’s called progress.

Just as the filbert trees remain part of the landscape, we can allow our natural selves to emerge among the pressures and constraints that surround us. And by doing so, we create a new order.

TIP: Start integrating authenticity into your life with intentional actions. Whether it’s expressing an opinion you would usually keep to yourself, dressing in a way that feels true to you, or pursuing work that aligns with your strengths and values, these steps – large and small – build the courage and confidence to live more authentically, even within existing constraints.

Living Authentically

Living authentically means embracing the parts of ourselves that don’t fit neatly into rows. It means being open to change. It means doing the work to learn about ourselves to shape our lives rather than trying to force ourselves into someone else’s idea of success, happiness, or fulfillment.

Onward & Upward,