Why Are We Still Doing That? – Stop Waiting for the New Year: A Fluid Approach to Change
No Vacation Required
Stop Waiting for January 1st: The Power of Immediate Change
Why do we wait for an arbitrary date on the calendar to start bettering our lives? We challenge the tradition of New Year’s resolutions, exploring how "waiting for the right time" is often just a sophisticated form of procrastination. We break down the science and psychology of change – from the pressure of "perfection" to the freedom of iterative growth – to help you move from contemplation to action today.
From navigating a world filled with collective anger to leveraging your unique personality for personal growth, this episode provides a roadmap for shifting your energy right now. Whether you are looking to start a small health habit or a major life pivot, learn why fluidity and self-knowledge are your greatest tools for building a life you don't need a break from.
Onward and Inward,
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CHAPTERS:
(00:00) Why are we still doing that?
(01:02) Mind Share: Navigating a culture of anger and grumpiness
(03:45) The New Year's Resolution trap
(06:14) Why we use dates to delay progress
(09:44) Removing the pressure: Change as an iteration, not a test
(11:44) The Change Process: Pre-contemplation and readiness
(14:19) Personality Power: Using your "makeup" to optimize change
(18:57) Worth the Time: Upbeat music and heavy-hitting whistle-blower books
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Action over Arbitrary Dates: Real progress begins when you decide a change is worthwhile, not because the Earth has completed an orbit.
The Fluidity of Change: View change as a "test and learn" process rather than a high-pressure commitment that defines you as a failure if you pivot.
Know Your Design: Understanding your personality type is the most effective way to determine how you should approach new goals and habits.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
00:00:01 Kent
Welcome to the No Vacation Required podcast, where we break down tired traditions and outdated thinking by asking the question, why are we still doing that? It's all about building a life you don't need a break from, being more present and fulfilled, and showing up in a complicated world that needs your voice and unique talents.1 Why do we put off things we know we want to do now or that we would benefit from right away until New Year's? If we're serious about making change, we act when we decide it's worthwhile, not on some arbitrary date created by the Earth's orbit. Real progress starts the moment we choose to stop waiting and start moving.
00:00:49 Caanan
I don't have a mind share for this week, so I'm going to cede my time to the gentleman to my left. Kent, do you have something?
00:00:58 Kent
To the gentleman across the country in another podcast studio. Just kidding. I do. And my mind share is anger.
00:01:07 Caanan
Anger.
00:01:08 Kent
Just that. I'm really angry. And I just want to share that. No, you know how things happen in multiples. And I've been reading everywhere and getting all this information about how anger and grumpiness have, of course, been up across the United States over the last number of years. But how it's even higher and worse now. And then I saw that once, and I've seen it in a number of different articles. And there's a few forums — we've talked about this that I visited where we engage with community and people — all they want to talk about is how angry everybody is and how we all need to stop being angry. And I just want to say that is a very good reminder. You and I tend to bathe ourselves in the white light before we go out into the world because we don't want to be those people who bring that weird vibe or that angry vibe or grumpy vibe.
00:02:07 Caanan
Yes.
00:02:08 Kent
Turmoil in the world. But it is still a good reminder, right? You don't know what's going on in somebody's day. You don't know somebody's story. You don't know anything. So all you can do is just let what's happening happening and continue to be as much of a positive force in the world as you can be.
00:02:26 Caanan
Yeah, I think that's a really great topic because the world is angering right now. You know, if you're not angry, you're not paying attention. At least that's the saying. But as we always talk about, you can acknowledge that the world is angry. And there is a lot to be angry about that is fully justified. But you can acknowledge that and then you can say, but I'm going to bring something different into the world. So again, not the toxic positivity. We're always reminding people, we are not toxic positivity people. Acknowledge what's going on in the world and then say, but I'm not going to participate in that. I'm not going to make it worse for people and bring something different. It's not easy to do, but with a little like mindfulness, you can pull it off and boy, you're so right. We really need that now.
00:03:20 Kent
Yeah, kind of what you said, despite insert awful thing here, I'm going to be this way because being in the other way is just stupid and it's going to ruin a lot more of your day and week and life than whatever you're bringing to that moment. Here we are at the end of the year and I'm saying, why are we still waiting for New Year's resolutions? Why are we still waiting for New Year's resolutions? I had this interesting situation where I think I was reading an article and this person was talking about how change methodology is screwed up, which is absolutely not true. Like I've literally had the advanced coursework on how effective a proper change process is and how a thought out plan is what works best for most people. But what this guy was saying was driving me crazy because a lot of it was silly and stupid. But he did kind of say like, his point and he was over making it as we see in media so often was sort of, if you want whatever, do it now. There's no such thing as a plan for change. Just do it. Be like rapidly iterative. And I really appreciated that because, sometimes we'll be helping people or in our work in any situation because people come to us for change. And there's this part of me that will say like, okay, we don't need to build out a four-year plan for this. If you wanted to, you could jump on this right away. So it just got me thinking about, specifically, we just kind of like to open talking about our situation, how we're very comfortable with being very flexible with how we change. Some things we'll do on a plan, because again, it's important and it's fun to kind of have a plan and test it out and change gradually and all that stuff that we know will oftentimes create more positive long-term outcomes. When there's times where, you know, say you say, let's start having salad for dinner. It's like, why not just start that right now? We don't have to wait till January 1st. And there's this weird thing about New Year's specifically, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, where it could be February and people will say, yeah, I want to read more. I'm going to put that on my list for January 1st. I think if you're immediately putting something on your list for January 1st. I mean, bravo to you for like mental health and not overloading yourself. But I think that's a sign. Do you really want to do it? Have you really thought it through?
00:06:13 Caanan
Yeah. Well, I'll be interested to hear if you agree with this, Kent. But I think as you're implying that New Year's is great. It's great to have some plans for the new year, the whole new year, new you thing. There's a place for that.
00:06:31 Kent
New Year, New Year. Exactly. Yeah, that is great.
00:06:35 Caanan
But it's also a way to just delay progress. And I think a lot of people will put things on their New Year's resolution list because they're afraid to make the change or they're not actually committed to making that change. So it's a way to push it off. I think people fear that if they start something and then they don't see it through, that means they've failed or that they can't then change their mind about it or adjust it. And so they're scared to just start something. They want to have the analysis paralysis problem where I'll put it on for New Year's and then that'll give me lots of time to prepare for it and think about it and make sure it's the perfect kind of change for me. And in fact, that isn't how change works, that isn't how you can be successful at change. So I think the point here is getting more comfortable with, yes, putting a few things on your New Year's resolutions, that's fun. But really, if something could benefit you in the here and now, saying, I'm just going to start that, and not being afraid to fail at it or not be afraid to change it as you get more information because you're testing it out.
00:07:57 Kent
Exactly. I think as you were talking, I was just thinking about the initiatives we have started. And there's been many where we have this sort of, it's kind of a moderate or a big thing, and we have kind of a plan. We'll do this two times a week, and then we'll do it three times a week after three weeks, and then four times a week after a month. And by the second or third week, we know it's something we want to keep in our life, in our routine. And we'll have a quick conversation like, okay, so is today the day we just, pull this out of this change program and make this a permanent thing? Similarly, thinking of all the things and we laugh a lot about this because this happens a lot. Things we just want to dabble in and we know instantly as well, okay, this isn't working. There's no need to try this out for three months. This isn't working.
00:08:51 Caanan
That's an, I think that's an interesting point that you just made about deciding at a certain point after initiating the change to say, is this change working for me? And if so, I'll just take it out. You said take it out of the change program. And I don't think a lot of people consider change like this. Like I'll test it out. If I like it, it's no longer sort of this thing I'm trying to do. I'm just going to do it. And then I can move it into a different bucket. Alternatively, I can say, I'll reevaluate this thing at three weeks. That doesn't mean I fail if it doesn't feel right for me. And I don't have to go into change thinking, I'm going to do this thing and I'm going to do it for the rest of my life. Perfect. So something I want to talk about following on from that last segment is just how much of the talk about change is so pressure filled. I remember this person, I don't even remember where we heard this, but I bet you do, Kent, or will remember hearing it, that if you say you're going to do something and then you don't do it or you don't follow through in the exact way that you intended to, you're lying to yourself.
00:10:16 Kent
Yeah.
00:10:16 Caanan
And I think there are times where that's definitely true, where you're entering into something knowing you're not going to follow through. But there's also plenty of times where you enter into something with the best intentions. And then because you are now learning something new after making whatever change, you shift. That's just your iteration. That's just how change happens. But I think this idea that if you don't follow through in the exact way you set out to, you've lied to yourself, puts so much pressure on the pre-planning part that it sets you up for complete failure, even if in fact you do make some really profound change. So that idea of just this, the talk about change having so much pressure around it.
00:11:06 Kent
Yeah, I think, well, this is our whole theme, New Year's resolutions.
00:11:11 Caanan
Yeah.
00:11:11 Kent
We were just saying in our conversation about this episode, New Year's resolutions is spelled, are spelled, is spelled P-R-E-S-S-U-R-E. It's just, it's just all of this pressure. And this is kind of a theme, of course, in our podcast and in the work we do, fluidity. Fluidity works best when you can decide to lean into that, when you have the ability to lean into it, when it's your personal world and not your work or career. Because when you were talking, I was thinking about, you know, the bottom lining we often have to do. And it's often around change behaviors and getting to that point where you just have to, what's called bottom lining with the client and saying, okay, what's going on here? Do you want to do this or not? Is this interesting or not? There's something that's blocking your desire to change. Or I can tell you really want to change, so why are you putting this down for January 1st? Let's bottom line this and figure out what the problem is. And there's nothing more than change that brings out the necessity of bottom lining because there can be this pressure around it. And of course, we talk so much about social media and everybody feeling like everybody's watching. You don't want to fail. Am I doing it right? I can't do it as well as them. All of these things. And that's why, contrary to what I read in that article, the change process really works well. And one of the beautiful things about it, you know, you use motivational interviewing to get at your preparedness for change, your readiness for it, your desire to change. And the first step in that process is pre-contemplation. And that's when you know you're not even ready to talk about it. And that's such a beautiful thing because you can like use this and change that you think might be mid-term, long-term, short-term. Am I even ready to talk about it? Well, if you're not ready to talk about it, then it's probably not a good idea to just jump in and try it.
00:13:31 Caanan
Yeah, and knowing that, knowing yourself enough to just say like, I don't even want to change that. That's some external pressure telling me to evaluate this and I'm not interested.
00:13:41 Kent
Yeah.
00:13:41 Caanan
And that's okay.
00:13:42 Kent
Yeah, that's a great point. Like that's a sign like maybe that I'm not ready to talk about it is a no, but not until you're able to move into stage two, which is contemplation. And that's when you're really prosing and consing the possibilities, including the timeframe, your preparedness, your interest. So this commonly taken approach is very helpful, but it doesn't mean that this too can't be sped up.
00:14:12 Caanan
Yeah.
00:14:13 Kent
Depending on your makeup, how you interact with change. And right here, I'll just go back to the importance of personality. Knowing how you operate, it's the foundation of all of the work we do, helping people navigate the world in a way where they can create their own version of an invocation required life. Knowing your personality gives you a pretty good idea of how you can best interact with change.
00:14:46 Caanan
Yeah, and so in terms of this conversation about New Year's resolutions, the contemplation stage is where people will get stuck. They'll push off so that they can continue to just contemplate and contemplate almost as if that is a stand-in for the change itself. Oh, I'm thinking about the change so I can push off actually doing something.
00:15:09 Kent
Yes, and this is where all the work is. As we know from our work, this is the work where we apply motivational interviewing to help people mostly in this contemplation stage. And at this stage, we're spending a lot of time talking to people about personality and how they're built to interact with change. And that's such a huge thing for people. Like once again, I have this information within me about me, my personality type, that is a very big clue as to how I best interact with change. Are you a big ideas person? Are you a details person? Are you somebody who's not an ideas person? Therefore, you can't even come up with ways to change.
00:15:53 Caanan
And then once you've recognized that change could benefit you and you have an idea of your relationship with change, then it's time to just take action.
00:16:04 Kent
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00:16:19 Caanan
I just want to wrap back to this idea about change being so pressure filled and something, Kent, you and I always talk about and the way we live our life is looking at change as fun and exciting and the foundation of a life well lived. Removing the pressure from it and just allowing yourself to test and learn and iterate and grow. This is what it's all about. So we don't have to go into everything feeling, so if I don't get this exactly right, I'm a failure, which leads to just depression and performative change and doesn't really satisfy you or anybody.
00:17:04 Kent
Yeah, I was thinking about my mind share at the beginning, about anger. And essentially, that's about change, what I talked about bringing a fresh perspective to a situation. seeing somebody who seems angry or just seeing the grumpiness and deciding, we don't know what's going on with those people. Let's be positive. I'm going to be positive. These are all micro change initiatives. It's basically just bringing a different energy, trying a new thing. That can be the kind of change you can decide to do in the moment, in the near term, that then helps the larger more mid-term, long-term change things that you want to do. So getting comfortable, especially in this world that has so many of us paralyzed and living in fear because of the uncertainty of days ahead. All of it.
00:17:58 Caanan
Yeah, of all of it.
00:17:59 Kent
Yeah, getting in this mindset of shifting the energy, trying something new, and it'll open up a whole new way of viewing change that is about a lot more than New Year's resolutions.
00:18:14 Caanan
Just to put an exclamation point on your piece about personality, if you want to make change lighter and funner, is funner even a word? More fun. More fun and more satisfying and more effective, you really do have to know your personality and know your relationship with change and how you most optimally approach change. And when you do that, it's a lot easier to let it be casual and fluid and fun.
00:18:57 Kent
So let's talk about what's worth the time this week. And I have a real basic one, and that is upbeat music. This is a blanket recommendation based on the tough times we're in and the conversation we've had throughout this episode of the podcast, again, one of those little things, have upbeat music happening in the background of your life. Literally and figuratively, it can switch up the mood.
00:19:24 Caanan
That's true. We start our morning listening to a playlist of the most cringe upbeat music, but the kind of music you just can't help but smile at. Well, on a, like, decidedly less upbeat note, but very important.
00:19:40 Kent
It's upbeat, I think.
00:19:42 Caanan
Well, yeah, I mean, it's upbeat, but end of year book lists are coming out and I was excited to see that two of our favorite books of the year are showing up on practically everybody else's favorite books of the year or best books of the year. And I said not upbeat because they're pretty heavy topics, but they're exceptional books. So one is No More Tears, which is about Johnson & Johnson. And the other is Careless People, which is a fascinating look into Meta, formerly Facebook, by a whistleblower.2 And they're incredibly good reads. It's really important information. And here's that positive psychology spin. Like you can look at, you can read these and they're depressing AF, but you can be really happy that you have this information. And I also just want to say how impressed I am by the people who wrote these books. I'll put links in the show notes because it's so brave. They're so brave to have written these books.
00:21:00 Kent
Thanks for listening to the No Vacation Required podcast. For more information, including services designed to help you build a life you don't need a break from, check out novacationrequired.com. And if you found this information helpful, please subscribe.