Personality Facets: Your Not Just A Thinker or a Feeler – Everyday Fulfillment
No Vacation Required
If you were to ask most people whether they lead with logic or their values, they could probably give you a pretty quick answer. But if you are anything like us, you know it is rarely that simple.
Take Caanan, for example. He is a raging feeler. He leads with empathy and cares deeply about harmony. But he also has a facet in his personality that is incredibly analytical. His empathy only goes so far before he starts with the questions. For a long time, that felt like a contradiction.
This week, we are diving into the third part of our facets series by looking at the Thinking and Feeling (T/F) pairing. We are breaking down why a highly logical person can still have a deeply empathetic side, and why "head versus heart" is only the beginning of the story. Your personality type should never feel like a box – it is time to embrace all your complicated, beautiful facets.
Onward and Inward,
COMMON QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE
❓What are the Thinking and Feeling (T/F) facets? This pairing is all about how you make decisions. Thinkers generally base conclusions on logical analysis and objectivity, while Feelers base them on personal values and harmony. Facets allow you to have traits from both sides, meaning you can be a highly logical person who is also deeply empathetic.
❓Why do T and F types clash in relationships? This pairing can be a major source of friction in relationships because it dictates how we process the world. However, understanding your partner's facets can reveal that a Thinker still cares deeply (just in a logical way) and a Feeler is still highly capable of rational thought.
❓Can I be a Thinker who is highly empathetic? Absolutely. You can be a dominant Thinker but have an "out of preference" facet that makes you highly empathetic. This often looks like having a warm, caring approach to situations, followed by a very logical, execution-focused finish.
❓If my facets contradict my main type, which one do I listen to? Your overall type is your home base, but your facets are your permission slips to be your full, complicated self. You don't have to choose between them – you can learn to use both to your advantage depending on what the situation calls for.
CHAPTERS
(00:00) Mind Share: The Death of the "Girl Boss”
(02:06) Why personality facets bring you from 1-in-16 to 1-in-a-million
(04:37) The Thinking vs. Feeling (T/F) personality pairing explained
(05:58) Real-life examples: The analytical feeler
(09:21) Client story: The "warm entry, hard finish" superpower
(17:14) Mailbag: Which part of my personality should I actually listen to?
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LINKS AND RESOURCES
🔗 Annie Joy Williams at The Atlantic wrote this excellent article: The Girlboss Is Dead
TRANSCRIPT
(The following transcript is AI generated and may contain mistakes)
Kent (00:02)
When it's time to make a tough choice, do you lead with logic or do you lead with your values? Today we're breaking down the thinking and feeling facets and why head versus heart is only just the beginning of the story.
Kent (00:16)
Caanan, what's on your mind?
Caanan (00:18)
Okay, Mind Share this week. I read the most fascinating article in the Atlantic, and I wrote the name down so I could
Caanan (00:25)
give her credit. It's by Annie Joy William, and it's called The Girl Boss Is Dead. And it was so fascinating. So I'll keep it real short because, you know, you and I, Kent, we could go sit on a panel at Elliott Bay bookstore and talk about this for like four hours. But the article
Caanan (00:48)
Talks about Alex Cooper from Call Her Daddy, who you've probably heard about, and another Alex called Alex Early or Earl, who's a TikToker and a skincare line founder, and the difference in how they're being treated in the media right now. And essentially it's talking about the cultural shift in how female ambition is perceived, this idea that
Caanan (01:16)
It's no longer cool for women to go out there and fight for their position we're back to this kind of tradd-y like it's supposed to just happen to you and you're supposed to be like, shucks, I'm just a girl. I don't know why people care about me?
Kent (01:32)
Yes.
Caanan (01:33)
I mean it's so gross.
Kent (01:35)
Yeah.
Caanan (01:36)
But if you have the time you've gotta go read this article. I'll put a link in the notes here, so go check it out.
Kent (01:45)
In everything we've done, in our personal lives and as sought after business and career development consultants, we've learned one consistent thing. Most people just don't know themselves. NoVacationRequired.com is where we talk about how you too can build a life that you don't need a break from and how it all starts with knowing yourself.
Kent (02:06)
Okay, in this four-pack,
Kent (02:07)
we are talking about facets. and to review, well, first of all, this is episode number three, where we're talking about the thinking / feeling personality pairing and all the facets behind that. If you haven't listened to the other episodes, go and listen to episode one, which is about the introversion / extroversion pairing, and episode two is about the sensing / intuition pairing.
Kent (02:33)
Pairing. why are we doing this? Why are we talking about facets? Well, because it's the best.
Kent (02:39)
Because why wouldn't we?
Kent (02:42)
Because why wouldn't we? Yeah. Because this is what brings you from knowing your basic personality type, and we completely believe in knowing your basic personality type. You being one in 16 to one in over a million, you are truly more
Kent (03:00)
Than just your basic personality. And something about knowing these finer points or these facets of your personality give you all the tools you need to girl boss, to girl boss your way to success and happiness in all facets – There's the word again in all facets – of your life. So this is at the core of
Kent (03:30)
The work we do. we've
Kent (03:31)
redefined and redefined and redefined and whittled down the work we do to this now being the biggest part of the work we do with people and work groups and couples. Because in all of our work, which is much more broad based with people and work groups, we learn that what people really need to know to get over the problem they
Kent (03:58)
thought they were coming to us for is who they are and how they operate and how they can best
Kent (04:03)
move through all the roles that they play. So we
Caanan (04:08)
We
Caanan (04:09)
we all need an operating manual for our
Kent (04:11)
Yeah.
Caanan (04:12)
life and personality, specifically personality with facets, is you know, kind of as close as you can get to an operating manual for life. So that's why we stan it so hard and that's why it's the work we do. But this week,
Caanan (04:30)
Moving on, we're talking specifically about the facets in the thinking
Kent (04:35)
Thinking, feeling, yeah.
Caanan (04:37)
and feeling pairing. Kent you want to talk about thinking and feeling?
Kent (04:43)
Yeah,
Kent (04:43)
so thinking, we won't get too much into this because this is about facets. But if you didn't listen to our last four pack where we deep dive into the four pairings, go back and do that. But thinking is basically basing conclusions on logical analysis with a focus on objectivity, whereas feeling is basing conclusions on personal or social values with a focus on harmony. we all have a preference
Kent (05:09)
Within that, – an overall preference – but we have many facets that can add depth and nuance and bring you to that one in just over a million. So basically, with all the five facets, you're either in preference, you're mid-zone, or you're out of preference. So with thinking and feeling, we're talking about things like empathetic versus logical. accommodating
Kent (05:37)
versus questioning. these five different facets to get down to
Kent (05:43)
where you really stand on the thinking, feeling pairing.
Caanan (05:51)
Thanks for listening. We'd be honored if you'd subscribe, like, and share. It means the world to us.
Kent (05:58)
I can bet if you're listening, you are not just a thinker or a feeler. You're not in that kind of a silo. And what I love about the thinking feeling pairing is as we talked about in our last four pack, this is such a relationship one. It really helps to have a love relationship.
Kent (06:23)
If you're interested in a love relationship, a love relationship with somebody who shares your preference in this area, because this area can lead to a lot of fights. If you if you you then learn like, they're a T and I'm an F. That's why we're fighting constantly. And of course, there's beautiful ways to work through that and around that. But just having this knowledge about where you, who might be an F
Kent (06:51)
Has some T tendencies, or your coworker team or or this loved one that we're talking about is a T with some F tendencies. So you can find out where you each stand and why you stand there. And I think for me, I always think on this one how I'm very accommodating because I'm predominantly an F, as is Caanan, but I also have a very questioning side.
Kent (07:18)
And that can lead people to see me as very logical and stable. And you kind of get into these arenas where you're good at both and people get very confused. So I wanted to talk about you know that that we keep using the word superpower as we go through this four pack. And it's very it's very true because you can
Kent (07:46)
When you have this knowledge, especially see people responding to you in a very confused way. Like, how can somebody who's so accommodating and vibey and understanding and humanistic also come off as being very orderly and inquisitive and like they're drilling down logically? and I love that in myself. Caanan I know you have a facet
Kent (08:14)
strand that's intriguing to you about you.
Caanan (08:17)
Yes, well I am I'm pretty pegged to the F side. I'm a raging feeler.
Kent (08:24)
Yeah, I was like pretty pegged to the F side. No, you're a raging feeler.
Caanan (08:28)
Raging feeler, but I have one facet and if you know me, you know this is true. Between logical and empathetic. I'm a very empathetic person, but in this facet, I actually trend a little more toward T and I can be let's just say my empathy has a short leash before I start getting very kind of analytical and wanting clarity. Yeah and
Caanan (08:55)
Drilling down. and so yeah, strong feeler, but with a part of me that's like, okay, I don't have enough empathy to care about this or whatever. So I think that's a funny quality, and it's absolutely true. I pulled up a client, Kent, who
Caanan (09:21)
is a perfect example of of real duality in T and F and I love this because they are a T through and through, but they have a facet where they're way out of preference between logical and empathetic, the one I was just talking about with myself. And they are far more empathetic than is typical for a thinker. And this
Caanan (09:50)
you may recognize this in somebody in your own life. This gives this client this ability to have what I would say is like a warm entry into something. Yeah. But then this like hard line finish to something. So it's like they care up front, but then they execute or finish with pure logic, which is a
Caanan (10:16)
kind of a brilliant thing. But imagine how confusing that is to that client. And this client was kind of confused about their type because of this aspect of their personality. And imagine how confusing that could be to people around you where you're like, well, you're so warm to start. And then all of a sudden you're drilling down and and going hard. Yeah. What's that about? Imagine being able to communicate your type to somebody in that situation...
Caanan (10:45)
Yeah.
Caanan (10:45)
So they can understand you better. Yeah. Because you understand yourself.
Kent (10:48)
every time we talk about these client stories, I go hardcore N. You know, here's an example. I am going to exercise what we're always talking about. You know these things about yourself so then you can
Kent (11:02)
operate optimally. And just thinking about these client stories we're sharing on a high level. And what I see is all the connections that these clients make, how the stars all kind of align. And they're able to embrace these sides of their personality that they thought were weird because God, everybody sees me as a big teddy bear. And then
Kent (11:28)
All of a sudden I feel so hardcore. You know, these clients asking us, like, am I going out of my mind? Am I so split...
Kent (11:37)
Yeah.
Kent (11:37)
That I don't even know who I am? Am I delusional? Which is a big one. Right? Like people are right because I do come off. I, whoever client, come off as a big teddy bear. But then I seem to kind of swoop in with a hammer. Having all this laid out in black and white,
Kent (11:58)
And in a way that is constructive and informative. You said operation manual, Caanan, As we've said many times in these past episodes, that is our goal to give our clients, to give our friends, our loved ones. This is what we like to talk about when we're not working. Everybody who will listen. Just ask and you can get this all for free practically.
Kent (12:20)
The opening up that this brings, the explanation that this gives people, because this is something that is not talked about. You know, in week one, I talked about people being kind of naysayers. I mean, real like academics and intellects being naysayers on personalities because they put you in a box. True personality work does anything but put you in box. Same thing said about going, going
Kent (12:49)
Deep is so neurotic. Going deep into yourself is so neurotic and unhelpful. You need to be living in the world, not in your head. And there too, that's just such a elementary perspective. We do not want people to live in this place, we help people get out of this place.
Kent (13:12)
By helping them understand their personality, and in terms of this client you're talking about, helping them understand their personality in a way that gets them out of their head and into all of the roles of their life. So I love this example you just shared about what this client learned about their facets in the thinking-feeling spectrum and how they can be this one person
Kent (13:39)
that contains all these facets and explains so much of their innate behavior in the world.
Kent (13:54)
I just want to wrap up by saying that the T and F pairing is so fascinating and there's so much judgment around this particular pairing. And as as I said, it it's sort of like we have favorite pairings, depending on if we're working with an individual client or a
Kent (14:18)
group or an organization, or if the work we love to be doing and want to be doing even more so couples, because it's just... I don't know that this work is more beneficial anywhere. Well it's than with couples.
Caanan (14:35)
It's interesting that you say that because you were talking about this idea that focusing on your personality and essentially focusing on knowing yourself is somehow neurotic because it's narcissistic or something. But as you were saying, all of this is relational. The reason you want to know about yourself is not so that you can sit in your head.
Caanan (15:01)
It's so that you can operate better out in the world, that you can show up as your authentic self and that you can dance around in your personality and you can be who you need to be for different situations and just be a calmer, happier, more fulfilled person in the world. That's the whole point. But
Kent (15:21)
I I'm gonna seriously I'm gonna needlepoint that. Yes.
Caanan (15:26)
as we're wrapping this up, I wanna point out that what you were saying about this T/F pairing is so true because a lot of people, whether they know it or not, they look at T and F as a measure of how much you care.
Kent (15:43)
Yeah. Yes, that that's why this is so hot buttony, the nerve closest to the skin and why there's so much relief. Yeah. Particularly in couples who do this.
Caanan (15:54)
And if you're an F, the world will perceive you as somebody who cares. And hardcore raging Ts as we'll jokily call them, can be perceived as not caring. Yeah. But in fact
Kent (16:11)
That's not true.
Caanan (16:12)
cases, both types are caring, just in a way
Caanan (16:18)
That is authentic to them. Yeah,
Kent (16:21)
Yeah.
Caanan (16:21)
and once you understand how a T cares
Kent (16:27)
Or how an F thinks.
Caanan (16:28)
Or
Caanan (16:28)
how an F thinks. Yes. Then you can really appreciate the person. And also you can let go of all the weird stigmas you have around yourself. Like I don't care because I'm just I'm just focused on cold hard facts. I'm such an unfeeling person. It's like
Kent (16:49)
Yeah.
Caanan (16:50)
Yeah, we can we can kill all those outdated ideas,
Caanan (16:57)
and be much more interesting, relaxed, effective and yeah, the word that we always say fulfilled people out in the world.
Caanan (17:14)
Mailbag time and for this mailbag, I'm actually just riffing because I remembered a project and I wanted to bring this question up, Kent. So I'm gonna surprise you with a question that you'll probably remember a client had. While we were working with them, they learned that they were an introvert. Yeah. But
Caanan (17:43)
They also felt like that wasn't totally true because in some ways they feel like an extrovert. So when we did their facets, we learned that they were out of preference in terms of expressiveness and activeness. Meaning they had some qualities that were more extroverted. And they asked, and this is the question I'm posing to you, Kent, which
Kent (18:07)
Yeah.
Caanan (18:08)
should they actually listen to when trying to understand themselves.
Kent (18:11)
Yeah,
Kent (18:11)
ooh, that's a deep cut. That's a great question. This is something that clients will get at all the time. And the the key thing is to first not let your overall type become a box that limits even you. Oftentimes when people learn about their facets, this is the first time they've ever learned about their facets. So they have to get used to allowing these pieces of them
Kent (18:40)
These facets of them be what we say are permission slips to be their full complicated self. So this client, as do all of our clients, get to a place where you learn how to use your operating manual for you. You learn how to use those things that are mid-zone or out of type in a way that can serve you.
Kent (19:07)
And to help you to understand, of course I'm not completely whatever. This makes sense because as in this client's place, I have a natural tendency to be more expressive and to be more active, but it does not change my overall introversion. And I remember this client, they didn't want it to change their overall introversion. That's why they're typed introvert overall. So yeah, it starts with you
Kent (19:37)
Not putting your own type in a box.