Breaking Down Personality: Introverted vs. Extroverted – Everyday Fulfillment
No Vacation Required
What if the way you’ve been showing up in the world is actually exhausting you?
That’s where this week’s conversation begins.
In our last series, we focused entirely on fulfillment – the big why behind building a life you don't need a break from. But if fulfillment is the why, then personality is the how. That’s why we’re kicking off a brand-new, four-part series dedicated entirely to understanding who you are at a foundational level.
This week, we’re tackling introversion versus extroversion.
The challenge is that most of us harbor deep misunderstandings about what these traits actually mean. We live in a world that loudly demands performance and constant outward energy, making it incredibly easy to mistake cultural expectations or survival mechanisms for our true nature.
But what if you’ve been forcing yourself to play a part that isn't yours?
In this episode, Caanan shares a personal look at how he spent years believing he was an extrovert – doing the "dog and pony show" at parties – only to realize the profound relief of discovering he is, in fact, a screaming introvert. We break down why introversion and extroversion are actually "structural keys" that unlock how your personality operates, why true alignment requires knowing your energy baseline, and how a lack of self-knowledge causes us to blame ourselves instead of looking at how we've structured our lives.
Onward and Inward,
COMMON QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE
❓How does personality affect your happiness and fulfillment? Understanding your personality is the practical foundation for building a fulfilling life. Knowing your natural preferences allows you to structure your life and career in a way that aligns with who you truly are, rather than constantly trying to adapt to environments that drain you.
❓What is a common misconception about introversion and extroversion? Many people mistakenly believe they are entirely one or the other. Everyone possesses a unique combination of both introverted and extroverted traits, but simply has a natural preference for how they recharge.
❓Why do people often misidentify as extroverts? People may perform as extroverts due to societal expectations, childhood experiences, or a belief that they need to show up a certain way to be successful. This can lead to exhaustion when they are actually introverts living outside of their natural preference.
❓How can knowing your personality type prevent self-blame? When your life is not aligned with your personality type, it can create a feeling of dissonance. Knowing your type allows you to realize that the structure of your life – rather than a personal flaw – is the issue, empowering you to make necessary adjustments.
❓Does your personality change over time? While it may seem like your personality changes, as you age and gain wisdom, you are actually just moving closer to your authentic self. Rather than fundamentally changing, you are shedding past conditioning to become more of who you truly are.
CHAPTERS
(00:00) Mind Share: The Agency Season 2
(01:55) Personality is the “how” to fulfillment’s “why”
(04:58) Introversion vs. Extroversion
(05:37) Caanan’s Story: The college boyfriend, the party persona, and misidentifying as an extrovert
(11:06) When your public-facing life isn't type-aligned
(14:06) Unlocking the structural keys of your personality
(21:58) How knowing your type saves you from thinking you are the problem
(24:53) It's not personal, it’s personality
(25:43) Mailbag: Does your personality change over time, or are you just becoming more of who you are?
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TRANSCRIPT
Kent (00:00)
Hey Caanan what's on your mind?
Caanan (00:06)
The Agency. I don't know if you guys are watching The Agency because I feel like nobody's watching it because I don't even know. I feel like I haven't seen any marketing for it. And now it's in season two. Yep.
Kent (00:20)
first of all I wanna say whew as I wipe my brow because when I asked that question and there was the long pregnant sigh, I thought, no. Is this the week he discloses something deep and crazy? So
Caanan (00:37)
Didn't I just do that? Watching the agency. Is that not deep and crazy enough for
Kent (00:41)
⁓
Kent (00:42)
Tell me more though, because I have the same thought. We just came off a bench, which is I know where this is coming from. And I know we talked about it. Like, wait, why aren't we seeing this on lists?
Caanan (00:52)
that's the gag. I mean it's it's incredible, it's tight, it's tense, the acting is amazing. Michael Fassbender, I'm giving drag queen claps if you can hear them. it's just it's amazing and it's just right in the pocket for us. We love those like CIA procedurals. But I don't understand why this isn't on everybody's lists and why I mean, I don't even know how I heard about it.
Kent (01:18)
A year ago.
Kent (01:19)
Good recco. I love that 'cause it's it really is like the best of the best. It's smart, it's multifaceted, it's thrilling, it's intriguing, it's mysterious. But at the same time, and I think this is really important, it's completely accessible.
Caanan (01:36)
Yeah. Yeah, that's a great way to put it. So there you have it. You now you're hearing it from us. It's word of mouth. Go get into the agency.
Kent (01:44)
And now it's on my mind.
Kent (01:53)
Okay, series after series. Is that what we call a four pack of our podcast? Sure. A little
Caanan (02:00)
Why not?
Kent (02:00)
series. A theme. A little theme within a season. Yeah. so we just started season three with a pack of podcasts on fulfillment. So go check those out. Because it's at the base of, you know, what we think is is building a no vacation required life.
Kent (02:21)
But I'm super excited to talk about personality as this four pack because and we've just been talking about this. Actually, we've been talking about this for the last three days. This is sort of our our what magic sauce, do we say? Like this is the thing that's that I know as we say in a little promo piece, and we now say on the website, this is what we've learned is at the core of
Kent (02:49)
so many things and on a on a run earlier I was trying to in my mind you don't even know this I was trying to in my mind figure out how to explain this to people. So we go into a consulting project we're doing or a personal development project we're doing or we're helping friends and it looks like the problem is about
Kent (03:15)
Blank blank or blank. Yeah. But in fact, we slowly realize like, this is just a problem because person A does not understand their own personality and does not under understand the personality of person B, or you know, group A doesn't understand the personalities involved in group B and their own personalities. So many things come down to a personality issue.
Caanan (03:40)
Really, I was just gonna jump in here and say last month was about fulfillment, or last series was about fulfillment, this is about personality. That's because fulfillment is the why and personality is the how. I mean that's really at the base of everything we talk about.
Kent (03:59)
I think we're gonna do a first ever listeners. We're gonna do a on air high five. Louder.
Caanan (04:07)
Okay.
Kent (04:09)
Yeah, we did not talk about that. That's that's exactly that's exactly right. Yeah. Yeah.
Caanan (04:16)
You come to us because you're you want more fulfillment in your life and now we're telling you personality is the way to do that. Yeah. Essentially. Know yourself personality.
Kent (04:28)
Think of like a a client coming to us and saying, We want you to give us cough syrup for this cough. And then we realize, like, they really have bronchitis. So we kind of have to play along and do the cough syrup thing when in fact we're dealing with a much more foundational, deeper thing. Okay.
Caanan (04:49)
Yes.
Kent (04:51)
Please stop me before I get too far afield.
Caanan (04:54)
No, that's great. So this week in this series on personality, we're gonna tackle introversion versus extroversion, right? This is pretty fundamental. And if you know something about personality, you probably
Caanan (05:13)
know or have brushed up against introversion versus extroversion. So it's a good place to start. But you may have some ideas about it. I suspect you have some ideas that are in fact wrong. Yeah. And that'll be fun to talk about.
Kent (05:27)
Well speaking of that, I love your story about how so many people get this wrong. Yeah. Even in themselves, not to mention other people.
Caanan (05:37)
Yeah,
Caanan (05:37)
so I'm gonna bare my soul here and tell you how how wrong I had introversion versus extroversion earlier in our in our life, in our time together. Go off. So it's kind of weird. We've been together over twenty-eight years, so it's weird to talk about like boyfriends before our being together, but I have to bring it up because it's it's relevant. So before
Caanan (06:06)
You and I met Kent. I had a boyfriend who said something to me. You know how you have these things where people come into your life, now I'm gonna sing wicked. ⁓ But people come into your life ⁓ and they'll say just random things or little things or things come up that stick with you for the rest of your life. ⁓ One of these things that stuck with me, this boyfriend I had in college essentially, ⁓ said, I don't understand
Caanan (06:36)
Caanan how you can be so fun ⁓ and free and like the life of the party when we're out with friends. And then we get home and you're super quiet and you kind of ignore me and it makes me feel like you don't like me. Yeah. Which was not the truth at all. at the time I thought I loved this guy. I was really happy to be with him. ⁓ And I couldn't understand
Caanan (07:01)
myself why that was the case. Fast forward ⁓ to where we're learning about personality. ⁓ And I realized that I had this understanding of myself that was completely incorrect. I believed I was an extrovert. Yeah. I believed I was an extrovert for lots of reasons, ⁓ some of it related to childhood trauma, some of it related to just how I thought I was supposed to perform in the world. That might sound familiar to a lot of you.
Caanan (07:30)
So I believed I was an extrovert, but it was exhausting to me to be an extrovert. Yeah. So we'd go out, I'd do my thing, I'd do my dog and pony show, and then I just couldn't sustain it in the quieter periods of my life. Yeah. Quieter times.
Kent (07:46)
I want to say jump in here real quick and say, you are so right. It's so funny how we'll remember certain things and I'll do this with you. And it's like, wait, why are you remembering that? That has happened 85 times since then, but there's always that thing that you remember. Or I think in this case, when you make a connection.
Kent (08:10)
your brain kinda connects these wires that take you back to the earliest. And I think that might have been the earliest because
Caanan (08:18)
I think so.
Kent (08:19)
you had childhood trauma and there's so much you don't remember about childhood that getting into your early formative years, that was maybe a first
Kent (08:31)
So you have this realization in our relationship, but it takes you back to dating that guy in that moment. So I so get that. And I think a lot of people can relate to that. Cause in a way you're kind of trying to answer questions that you felt dis-ease about way back when and you make a connection and it's like ding ding ding ding ding. Yeah.
Caanan (08:51)
Your
Caanan (08:51)
whole like Memento moment, end of the movie montage. ⁓ But yeah, so fast forward to our relationship, your you and I's relationship, Kent, and we have a healthier relationship. I'm older, we're discussing personality and values and all these things that are so pertinent and fundamental to our healthy relationship. And I learn through the work we do
Caanan (09:18)
together and the work I do on my own that I am in fact an introvert. I understand this because I now understand my personality type. Yes. And that was such a profound relief to me because like you just said, now I could look back and I could see how I had always been an introvert. And you know, just tons of proof of that throughout my entire childhood and teenage years.
Kent (09:46)
In the business we call that a screaming introvert.
Caanan (09:50)
Yeah, and I am a screaming, raging introvert. I'm about as introvert as one can be. But, you know, a the world expected me to perform as an extrovert. Things in my life made it safer for for me to perform as an extrovert. And that's just who I thought I was. And it was exhausting.
Kent (10:10)
In everything we've done, in our personal lives and as sought after business and career development consultants, we've learned one consistent thing. Most people just don't know themselves. NoVacationRequired.com is where we talk about how you too can build a life that you don't need a break from and how it all starts with knowing yourself. There you'll find all of our podcast episodes, information on services, and the scoop on us. And to really raise the bar, we model this as a couple.
Kent (10:40)
To show that a relationship doesn't have to be a compromise or a counterproductive union. When two people are each doing their own work, the heightened connection becomes a shortcut to building a no vacation required life.
Kent (10:55)
So personality. Of course we've talked about it a lot ⁓ in our previous seasons of the podcast because it's ⁓ the basis, as we've said, of so much of the work we've done. ⁓ And now here in season three, where we're just stripping away ⁓ all of the stuff and getting down to these very foundational things that help people ⁓ that helped you and I build a
Kent (11:21)
No vacation required life. And by the way, when we when we use that term, that's how we look at even the consulting work we did with groups and individuals. Everything we did was in the interest of helping teams and the individuals on those teams and individuals and us build a life we don't need to break from. We we never looked at
Kent (11:46)
you know, whatever problem we were immersed in with a person or a group ⁓ immersed in helping them solve ⁓ as ⁓ really being about that. We wanted to help them with that. Right. But our larger goal, yeah, this is resonant with Caanan and he's nodding. Our larger goal was always like, let's give these people actually something more foundational that will help them going forward. And this goes back to that quandary I was speaking of that I had on a run earlier. Like
Kent (12:16)
How do I describe that it appeared we were doing one thing, but pretty quickly we knew that so much of what we were doing came back to giving people the tools about personality.
Caanan (12:26)
Yes,
Caanan (12:27)
'cause we've always known and come to just make it part of the the foundation of the work we do that that it it's about A, but it's also not about A. It's about your life. So whatever you're coming up with, work related, relationships, whatever, it's about that and it's about your life. So we've always tried to focus on the bigger life picture. 'Cause that's what people really need.
Kent (12:54)
Yes, and oftentimes they don't know it at the time and then they loop back around later and they tell us that's exactly what I needed. So something we've never done and we're so excited to do, because our intention now and the focus of this season is on those tools that really help you. We're much more cohesive in what we talk about on the podcast and what we talk about on our website and the services we offer. We're actually gonna break down
Kent (13:22)
personality a bit, because we have ⁓ for example, two key services, TypeFinder which is introduction to personality, ⁓ and YouFinder which is this ⁓
Kent (13:32)
deep dive into personality. And we've had iterations of our YouFinder product through probably 15 years of our business. ⁓ But we have ⁓ stripped that down to the ground and have rebuilt it to support this legacy version ⁓ of Kent and Caanan So the bones in particular of YouFinder this really deep product, ⁓ are ⁓
Kent (14:00)
centered on the specifics of personality. And just to give you this brief overview, we've got four pairings that you might be familiar with if you're familiar with the MBTI. We've got EI, which we're talking about today, extroversion and introversion, JP, which we're going get into, SN will be week three, and then TF will be week four. So EI
Kent (14:29)
Extroversion and introversion and JP, which we'll talk about next week, which are labeled as judging and perceiving. Those are terrible words. Terrible words. We'll get into all that next week. Those are what are called structural keys in the way that we unlock
Kent (14:50)
someone's personality. So ⁓ they're not huge components of someone's personality, but they are huge components ⁓ in telling you ⁓ how someone's personality works. ⁓ So what we're talking about this week, ⁓ extroversion versus introversion is known ⁓ as a structural key ⁓
Kent (15:14)
That helps you unlock the orientation to communicate it simply of your personality. So here's this thing that Canaan's talking about identifying, misidentifying, as an extrovert, because it's what you're supposed to be ⁓ as a man, because of ⁓ you know, childhood experiences he had, because of how we thought he had to show up in the world. That mistake ⁓ is structuring
Kent (15:40)
How his personality works. ⁓ So it's a lot deeper than just ⁓
Caanan (15:46)
Yeah.
Kent (15:48)
am I an extrovert ⁓ or an introvert? We always kind of laugh because a lot of people think they know personality because they know about introversion and extroversion. ⁓ And they place ⁓
Kent (16:01)
Way too much emphasis on it. Yes. Because it really isn't even a facet ⁓ of how your personality shows up ⁓
Kent (16:10)
in full out in the world, but it's also very critical because it impacts every facet of your personality. It gives clues as to what parts of your personality are introverted and what parts are extroverted because as I'm sure you know by now
Kent (16:33)
not all elements of you are either introverted or extroverted. So yeah, using these terms like I'm an introvert, I'm an extrovert. Well yes, you're more one or the other, but it doesn't mean, as so many people get defensive about, like but I it doesn't mean I can't relate to people or it doesn't mean I can't be alone. you are
Kent (16:55)
A very unique combination of introversion and extroversion. Right. You just have a preference for one. So key thing number one from this week is introversion, extroversion is a structural key. This will all make more sense as we get through this series of four episodes. But yeah, what does introversion
Kent (17:23)
extroversion mean ⁓ and what does it mean when, as Caanan you were saying you're misidentifying ⁓ or ⁓ you're spending too much time ⁓ living outside of your preference. Yeah. And I think so much in terms of us as a couple of when we were in our growth stage,
Kent (17:45)
And we were just doing a lot of things that required extroverted behavior in a lot of ways. A lot of people facing things, public facing things, a lot of traveling, a lot of being away from a stable, consistent home base.
Caanan (18:07)
Yeah. 'Cause
Caanan (18:08)
you and I, Kent, are the same type. We're both introverts and we're both raging introverts or whatever you said, screaming introverts. We're very introverted and our life at the time, as we've talked about on this podcast, being travel bloggers and doing the work we were doing at the time, which was more intense than it is now, our life was not type aligned. Yeah. The the
Kent (18:33)
Our public facing life was not type of
Caanan (18:35)
We were trying to make it type-aligned but we were saying yes to all the great things that were coming at us and all of those things came with a great deal of ⁓ necessary extroversion that didn't leave enough time for us, and here's a key word, ⁓ to recharge in the way that we do as introverts. we couldn't pause long enough to make those periods of extroversion ⁓ okay.
Caanan (19:01)
Which is why we essentially walked away from so much of it.
Caanan (19:05)
Thanks for listening. We'd be honored if you'd subscribe, like, and share. It means the world to us.
Kent (19:15)
so this is where I want to go with that. Exactly there, kind of as we're taking this deeper look into personality and these four pairings. There is no better place, and this is why we chose to start with extroversion and introversion, no better place to talk about how you are both sides to some degree of all of these four pairings. Right. And Canaan, as you got into
Kent (19:42)
Doing exactly what we had to do, because ⁓ in that period we also knew ⁓ our personality types. ⁓ So then doing what we had to do ⁓ is what teaches you ⁓ to modulate. We knew that ⁓ as introverts, ⁓ we needed a lot of time to recharge in ways ⁓ that are preferable for introverts ⁓
Kent (20:12)
To recharge. And you walked into the kind of a final point that I wanted to make when you said we realized it just wasn't that sustainable. Realizing that you do have this overriding preference. Yeah. And after a decade plus, probably nearly two decades, of really finessing that so well.
Kent (20:41)
Because we knew our personalities, we could take care of ourselves, take care of our relationship, and show up the way we needed to show up in the world for clients, for loved ones, for the work we were doing. But at the end of the day, you have a preference. So now that we're not in growth stage, we are able to accommodate that preference more.
Kent (21:09)
And I just wanted to hear your thoughts on this, Caanan The knowledge of personality, ⁓ knowing the power, particularly of knowing your EI orientation. This is the knowledge we're talking about. Our having this knowledge ⁓ allowed us to move through life, ⁓ big moments, small moments, everything that encompasses a day, a week, a month, a life.
Kent (21:37)
With that knowledge. We may have been ⁓ out of ideal preference at a time, ⁓ but you then ⁓ know that that's why you have this feeling of dissonance. You're not just kind of out there ⁓ wondering... Preach
Caanan (21:57)
Preach Kent because this is what was coming to me, so I'm glad you brought this up. If we had not known that we were introverts going into this growth phase of our life and doing all of the things that came with it, all the things we said yes to, because it was a great period, we're saying yes to everything, we're extroverting like crazy because it's what was demanded of us.
Caanan (22:21)
If we had not known that we were introverts and that our life was not aligned with our type, we would have thought we were the problem, not the way we had structured our life. Yeah. And we would have felt terrible about it. Yeah. But we could, because we knew we were introverts, we could look at how we had structured our life and say, okay, we got a little far afield here. We're doing too much. This is too much extroversion.
Caanan (22:50)
So we've got to dial it back. Perfect. But we had to know ourselves in order to make those structural changes. Like I said, otherwise we would have looked at our life, which was perfect from the outside and ideal in many ways for many people, but wasn't ideal based on our type. Yeah. We would have blamed ourselves. We would have thought we were a problem, not the structure of our life.
Kent (23:14)
So there's so much power in knowing who you are, as we're always saying. Why I kind of laugh every time I say that because I'm like, I say that all the time.
Caanan (23:22)
You have to, it's so true.
Kent (23:23)
But at this point, Caanan, with what you so beautifully put, you start to understand where we opened, how we meet clients, where they're at when we meet them. So somebody on a work group
Kent (23:41)
Is feeling like a total flailing failure who doesn't fit in, who can't fit in with the group. Again, we're solving that problem, but we're realizing, it's because Jane is an introvert and Michael, Sarah, Jimmy, and Rodrigo are all extroverts. But
Kent (24:05)
They think we're solving a problem about why Jane can't fit in and why she can't keep up and all of this stuff. So, yes, it's then about having that knowledge, as we did and do, and trying to transfer that knowledge to our clients or loved ones or whoever while we're still working on what they think we're working on. Yes. Right. Because ⁓ Jane knowing, Caanan knowing, Kent knowing,
Kent (24:35)
You're an introvert or you're a whatever answers so many questions about things you thought were problems. Yes. And as we famously said in a podcast in season one, it's personality, not okay, now I can't even remember what I
Caanan (24:52)
It's
Caanan (24:52)
personality, not personal. Yeah.
Kent (24:54)
Yes,
Kent (24:54)
it's personality, not personal. There's no real problem here. And there is certainly and I can't emphasize this enough. We should create a new intra-podcast ad for this. There is nothing wrong with you. It's just knowing you. Yeah. Jane didn't have a flaw.
Kent (25:19)
She didn't need to leave the company because she clearly can't do the job. No, Jane just needed to know herself as the other team members needed to know themselves and how they needed to know each other. It is not personal so much as personality.
Kent (25:43)
Okay, Caanan what's in the mailbag this week?
Caanan (25:46)
in the digital mail bag. This we actually got this a while ago but it's so representative of a question we get all the time. this person wrote us and I'll just boil it down to them saying, I've heard your personality changes over time. Is that true?
Kent (26:04)
I love this question, yeah.
Caanan (26:05)
It's so perfect for what we're kicking off with this series.
Kent (26:09)
Yeah, it's interesting too because I think it's sort of a it can often be a pessimistic view that people bring. Like well, but why why would I do that? 'Cause my personality changes and I can't capture my personality every time it changes. But yeah, I'm curious to hear your take on this for podcast listeners.
Caanan (26:25)
Yeah,
Caanan (26:26)
so ⁓ the answer I'm gonna give is ⁓ yes, but. ⁓ your personality ⁓ does, it may change over time, ⁓ but ⁓ our take and the take of people ⁓ who focus on personality is that you really are just becoming more of who you are. if things are going well for you.
Caanan (26:49)
If things are going right, you're moving closer to your authentic personality as you age and get wiser and have more lived experience. So the answer is yes, your personality does change, but fundamentally the answer is no because you're just moving closer to who you are. Would you agree with that? Yes.
Kent (27:10)
Statement.
Kent (27:10)
I mean, I think that's perfectly put. And I love that you did that little carve out. You know, that carve out's very personal to each of us in a way we'll get into another time. But yeah, if you're going through a rough time or having realizations about a rough time.
Kent (27:30)
Yes, your personality can, you know, what we call kind of temporarily regress into a personality that is as psychology experts would say, protects you during that time. So yeah, there's carve outs, but when you're your truest, when you're able to be your truest, most authentic self, changes represent you moving closer to your truest personality.