Abandoning Clarity Once We’ve Glimpsed it – Why Are We Still Doing That?

The world has a way of constantly pulling us back into noise, urgency, and external validation, so clarity can feel just out of reach. But sometimes you can glimpse it, if only for a moment. We unpack why so many of us have moments of clarity but struggle to hold on to it or, worse, do something with the information.

From the subtle influence of other people’s paths to the dangerous comfort of external success, this episode implores you to, first, know that you have intrinsic value and then – whether you’re questioning your career, your priorities, or your overall direction – connect with what actually matters.

Onward and Inward,

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CHAPTERS:

• 00:00) The burnout cycle: Finding clarity, then losing it

• (01:00) Mind Share: Movement, seasons, and getting unstuck

• (03:17) The search for clarity in a noisy world

• (06:00) External triggers: When others spark your self-reflection

• (10:15) Success without fulfillment: Our origin story

• (14:20) Intrinsic value vs. external validation

• (17:00) The problem with self-development “tools”

• (18:30) Worth the Time: National Parks & nature inspiration

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Clarity Is Built, Not Found: It requires intentional reflection, not reactive decision-making.

• Your Value Is Intrinsic: No achievement or failure can add to or take away from it.

• External Noise vs. Internal Truth: Real growth comes from separating outside influence from your authentic self.

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

00:00:00 Caanan Searching for clarity and purpose feels impossible when you're constantly stuck in a cycle of burnout and snapping back to old frantic habits. We find a rhythm that feels good, we catch a glimpse of our true value, and then we abandon the very maintenance that got us there the moment things get loud again. If we understand that our value is intrinsic and has nothing to do with how much we make or how hard we grind, why are we not solely focused on being more consistently ourselves?

00:00:30 Kent Welcome to the No Vacation Required podcast, where we break down tired traditions and outdated thinking by asking the question, why are we still doing that? It's all about building a life you don't need a break from, being more present and fulfilled, and showing up in a complicated world that needs your voice and unique talents.

00:00:52 Caanan All right, Kent, you want to do a mind share?

00:00:55 Kent Yeah, I'm thinking a lot these last couple weeks about the change of seasons, all the people out and about this, I don't know, vibe of movement and excitement and yes. I was just telling somebody yesterday who is kind of stuck in a rut, like, oh gosh, just you need to like move. I know it's the last thing you want to do, but just be out and around people or not around people just out and moving. And something about doing that as the season has turned, just there's so much hope attached to that. And I think despite and because of the wackiness of the world, it's just so good to realize there's all sorts of things happening, big, small, smart, stupid, despite the craziness in the world. So I'm kind of attached to that vibe and we've got a lot of fun stuff coming up and we always have a big fun summer planned and it's kind of fun just to think, wow, there is a whole life and world outside of the doom and gloom.

00:01:54 Caanan It's so true. And you cannot underestimate or undervalue the clarity, which is what we're getting into today. And the, the mind opening nature of just like going out and walking around and being around other things.

00:02:12 Kent Other things. Yeah. I journaled about trees this morning, like these beasts out there, right? Yeah. All they do, all the oxygen, all the gorgeousness, like, yeah.

00:02:22 Caanan Yeah. You gotta get out there.

00:02:31 Kent Okay, for this series, we're talking about growing, which is what we work with so many people on and we're focused on ourselves. So it's really fun to pin our episodes in this series around things we constantly hear and are talking about and kind of like, in a way, I want to say the big four, but there's sort of like a big, I don't know, 14, and we chose four of them. This is our third episode in this series. The first one was on freedom, energy management. The second one was on presence, prioritization. And today we're going to talk about a huge one, clarity.

So many people want to find their value. And interesting about the intro, talking about the state of the world, I think this state of the world, we always find this. A down slump state of the world really makes people think, what am I doing? And there's very few worse feelings than thinking, wait, what am I doing? I'm just doing, I don't really have clarity. And I always think back to, as we talk about all the time, you know, the beginning of our creating this No Vacation Required life and being very successful by traditional metrics and being very happy as individuals and as a couple. But it started to ask that question like, so, so this is what we're doing.

00:03:49 Caanan Yeah. I just want to jump in and say that it, you know, I recognize that when things are going well, big picture things are going well, it can be easy to not look inside, you know, the sort of the rising tide is lifting all the boats and you don't have to pay too much attention to your interior world when the money's coming in or the accolades are coming in, you can, you know, sort of follow the old corporate positive numbers cure all mindset. But I think there is a silver lining when the world is as bleak as it is now. And that is that you can't be distracted by all those outside positive influences. Yeah, that sucks. But at least it does encourage you to turn inside and say, okay, I have to create this for myself. And it's not happening. So yeah, I love that you pointed out the nature of the world right now, because I think it does. It does impel you to look inside.

00:04:48 Kent For sure. You know, in a, in a strange twist, I think when there's highs in the world and you're witnessing what you think is success in something happening or friends, it can cause you to have a lot of those same thoughts. These are kind of moments and times where we can be jolted into reflection and action because we can, in those moments, see the dissonance within ourselves.

00:05:14 Caanan Yeah, true.

00:05:23 Kent Yesterday we were talking to a friend who is at a crossroads again, as so many people seem to be, and is realizing, I don't wanna do, I don't wanna live the way I'm living for the rest of my life. And having that feeling of dissonance and something I found very interesting with that, and I hadn't even thought of this before the episode, our talking just made me think of this. That this friend is using another, a friend of theirs as a muse. So I think that's another thing that can get people in this reflective mode. This friend of ours sees this friend who they think is kind of failing miserably and does not want to have a life or an outcome like this friend is barreling toward. So our friend is completely clueless, had this awakening, and is motivated by what's happening to their friend.

And we're kind of getting like plans within plans here. It's getting a little confusing, but I find that very interesting because it's interesting to have another person prompt your discovery. I mean, it can be very powerful, of course, but in our experience, both personally and professionally, it can be a little fraught because are you responding to a thought you created around what this person is doing that's putting you into a crisis mode? Or are you actually ready to do this kind of work? You know, I think of people who like, my friend quit smoking or vaping or whatever, so I'm going to quit. And it's like, you know, decision making like that is a whole five step process called motivational interviewing. And just because this has inspired you to think of something doesn't mean that you're there.

So I think back to what I was talking about earlier when, you know, we had our great lives and our success and happiness, but we both had much bigger dreams. As you know, by now, if you're listening, you've listened before, we wanted to spend more time together and doing the success of the planet, success as viewed by the planet, was not giving us more time together. And we wanted clarity around that. Like, how are we being so successful and we're doing everything right? Plus, plus. And feeling this lack of clarity about, wait, what kind of value can we really bring to feel like this is a life, two lives well lived?

00:08:00 Caanan Yeah, this is such a fundamental part of our story. And we do talk about it, I'm sure we've mentioned it on this podcast, but we don't talk about it enough as far as I'm concerned, because it is essentially our No Vacation Required origin story. But I do want to quickly jump back to what you were saying about having something external, like you recognizing something in somebody that makes you think, oh God, I don't want that, or I don't want to become that, or I don't want that outcome, or I'm jealous of that. Whatever it is, even if it's an incorrect judgment or perspective on that person's experience, you may not actually be ready for the change, but at least something is breaking your schema. So you can start that internal process of saying like, I don't want that outcome. What can I do? Like you said, with motivational interviewing, maybe you're not quite ready, but at least you're pre ready now. You're thinking about it. You're getting ready to get into the arena, as Brene Brown would say.

00:09:02 Kent I think it's a devastating thing though for some people because it can break something open in you. And if you're already fragile or things are frantic or off kilter in any way, it can topple you in the wrong direction. There's always that chance that, you know, you can harness that feeling and say what am I actually gonna do to examine this cuz I wanna do something productive with it. And that's what I feel like we did with our massive transition into our No Vacation Required living.

00:09:30 Caanan Yeah. So quickly back to our origin story, as I call it, we were having really great outcomes. Things were really clicking for us. Early in our time together, we were successful by all the externally validated measures. But what was really strange for us is that we weren't feeling the internal validation from the success we were achieving. We were starting to feel like, wait, is this all there is? Where's the real payoff, the like deep internal payoff, not the monetary payoff, because that was coming. And that feeling of being sort of successful, but off purpose was really discombobulating for us. I'm glad though, that we had to tie this to what we're also talking about, that we had the perspective, we could look externally and say, okay, now I'm having some internal discomfort with how I'm feeling about my success. And I'm looking at the rest of the world and I'm thinking, I don't want that outcome. So now we have to go even deeper inside to see if we're ready to make the kind of change we actually need to make.

00:10:45 Kent Yeah.

00:10:54 Caanan So before we get into talking about tools, because we always try to make the third segment about tools, I do want to loop back to something we said in the intro, and that is that your value is intrinsic. Nothing you can do, nothing external can add more value or take away value. The value, your value is there because you are there. I hope that makes sense.

00:11:22 Kent During our break here, I was just having this realization that this aligns so well with our change philosophy, which is often a starting point for the work we do. And the E in CHANGE is egoless. That fulfillment, the kind of change you want to make, or this value you want to add is an inside job that you can't rely on or be tipped off by or judge yourself against external fixes or approvals. So when you open this segment up talking about tools, and I was pondering saying this, I was thinking, wow, that is really the most effective tool that we give people on the reg, which is first thing you've got to sit down with your laptop and your brain or pen and paper, your journal, and really separate what you know for sure versus what you know for sure based on the emotions you're feeling about what's happening in the world or what's happening with friends or loved ones. And I think like that stripping away the other things, other people, and getting down to pure honesty about yourself is the best step you can take. And back to what we're always saying, that means you got to figure out you.

00:12:40 Caanan Yes. So you need to really get comfortable with this idea of your value is intrinsic. You can stitch it on a pillow. You can put it in pink neon on a living wall. You can make it as cheugy as you need to, but it's really the truth. You have to believe that. And then once you do that, you can realize that my purpose or the thing that is most important is that I know myself more and I be myself more. And as you just said, the only way you can do that is by doing the work to know yourself more.

00:13:13 Kent Yeah. Going back to our own story, this is bringing up in me a big pivotal moment, thinking like, okay, Kent, share with people how this showed up in your life, because it's such a frustrating time. And I think one of the most powerful things with us, when again, we had all this success, we were really well formed as individuals and we wanted to spend more time together, I think a huge realization we had is that money, this thing we were both making and this common measure of success was not of primary importance to us.

And then later on, we would really get into the study of personality and we would start building this business based on our skills and folding in the knowledge from our lived existence. We started to realize, well, yeah, we don't have personality types that value money in the same way that other personality types do. So I think back to when we were doing those Paris Marathon training runs and the traveling we did around that when we were able to spend that time together in that version of our life. And we came to these realizations; we did the work, asking the hard questions, taking time like writing separately and thinking separately and coming together and realizing there's this common strand in each of us and in our relationship: we value things a lot more than we value money.

So that's just one example of information we figured out that we could do something with. One of the, kind of on that note, one of the things that frustrates us about the self development landscape—

00:14:56 Caanan Yes, I was just gonna go where you're going.

00:15:00 Kent When you hear these episodes and we always talk about how cringe we think so many parts of our industry are, because it's always a gimmick and you have to do this, or you're not good enough, or buy this, or here's a program that'll teach you to do something, but it will have nothing to do with how you are actually wired to work. We find that so much information in the personal development space is what we call narrative or declarative, but not instructive and helpful, right? So you get a report, a personality report from your company's personality program and you learn about you, which I mean is great. It's our big thing. Figure out you. But the work we want to do is very deep. And Caanan, you in a conversation recently were really talking about this in depth, how there's that frustration to have this idea of a tool, but it, for many people, can be more frustrating than not having any information at all.

00:15:59 Caanan Yeah. I mean, there's nothing wrong with getting more information. We want you to get more information about yourself and learn about your personality. That is our whole jam. That's why we're here. But it is frustrating to get a bunch of content thrown at you without any ability to integrate that content or that information into your life. Like, great, now I know my personality type. What the hell do I do with it? Because my life hasn't changed. I can't just like burn it all down and all of a sudden I'm now fully personality aligned; nobody can do that. Something we try to do, and this might sound like a little shameless plug, but I don't care, is trying to make sure that the information we provide comes with help to integrate the information into your life so that you can do something with it.

00:16:52 Kent Yeah. And exciting news, this is what I was going to interject a few seconds ago. We're currently working on a big transformation. You know, we're always challenging ourselves for our own development to push things forward and to be on the leading edge. And we're about to unveil a new, even deeper, more microscopic way to help people in this very state. So I would say, you know, if you're wanting to grow in this way, you're thinking, "I need clarity, man," lean into that whole egoless thing—that this is an inside job without any reliance on external fixes or approval. And I would just reflect on that and sort out what that means to you. Like, what is your truth?

00:17:47 Caanan Have a Worth the Time, Kent? So I'm just co-opting the podcast.

00:17:52 Kent You see, I'm sitting on the edge of my seat. What is your Worth the Time?

00:17:56 Caanan Well, we're getting ready to embark on a little road trip where we're seeing the last three national parks on our list. That means we will, by the end of this trip, have seen all the national parks that we want to see.

00:18:12 Kent On our list. Yeah, there's a couple we're not going to fly to, whatever's of the Arctic.

00:18:17 Caanan Gates of the Arctic or whatever. But that means like 60 national parks. It's pretty crazy. So it's very exciting. So my Worth the Time, because I think the national parks are so amazing—

00:18:30 Kent Let me guess, it's the national parks.

00:18:32 Caanan No, it's that series that Barack Obama narrated about the national parks. Perfect. Because that'll make you really want to get out there if you're not already a national park junkie like we are.

00:18:45 Kent Yeah, this works so well with what I was saying at the opening, people getting out and doing stuff. It's so nice to see, and it's such a big part of how we move forward in life. And I love that here's something, this great content to motivate people to get out and see the world and to touch grass and to see trees. Thanks for listening to the No Vacation Required podcast. For more information, including services designed to help you build a life you don't need a break from, check out novacationrequired.com. And if you found this information helpful, please subscribe.